neither mundane nor pointless…
I need to stop too. Thank you.
Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice. It’s the inspiration and guidance I need. I had an uncle who gave up drinking for Lent and it killed him. That’s part of my problem. I know I need to cut back rather than going cold turkey but after giving myself a glass or two it’s back down the rabbit hole. So I tried to only have that much in the house. The problem with that is the same as EmAnJ’s story. I drive to get more after drinking - NOT GOOD!
So since I started this thread, here’s how I’ve done;
The first night I went to a friends house and they were drinking. I know stupid. I drank again too much. The next night I actually managed to only drink one glass of wine. It was great waking up clear headed. But last night I was feeling jittery and one glass turned into too many again. I’m angry with myself but I did cut back once so I know I can do it again.
A friend gave me a CD of David Whytes called The Poetry of Self Compassion. It’s helping in two ways. First I needed the message but it’s also so soothing I’ve been using it to help me fall asleep. I highly recommend this CD and not just for this issue. It’s very motivating.
Good luck to you that have made the commitment to join me in getting healthy.
I am right beside you sweetness…really…same story,same place!
tsfr
Try melatonin for going to sleep sober.
SMART recovery is a good program. Or you could try moderation management. I moderated for a year or so before deciding to quit. It was tough - I’d still love to get schnockered just about any day. But (in my case) all it took was will power. When you make it entirely black and white - drink or not drink - I actually found it easier than limiting intake.
What really continues to give me a laugh is the amount of credit folks give me for not drinking. Hey, look at what I’ve accomplished, simply by not being a fuckup any more! 
Like someone said, your perspective is really skewed. You think of things through a drinker’s eyes. It is normal to go to the liquor store x times a week, or to have so many drinks a day/week. And so long as you aren’t the drunkest person at a party, you’re doing all right. But when you open your eyes, you’ll realize how many folk rarely go to the liq, and buy booze only for special occasions. It is just that you have been comparing your behavior to that of a drinker.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this thread. It has given the courage to admit my problem to myself. I have been looking the other way for far too long. It’s time.
Wishing you luck dear.
Have you tried hypnosis? I accidentally downloaded one of Andrew Johsnon’s hypnosis apps for my iPhone and was surprised to discover how quickly and thoroughly it put me out. For me, it’s better than the best sleeping pill and since them I’ve been having some of the best sleep of my life. I see he has MP3s, too. I highly suggest giving it a shot.
Well, that last bit is worrisome but the first bit is what I always had a problem with the AA concept of “no control”. Just remember that you aren’t starting from scratch after every time you “go down the rabbit hole”. If you reflect, you learn every time where you slip up.
On a purely safety/strategic point: Don’t just have only what you’ve limited to yourself in the house. Put the excess in a place that takes a little effort to get or something. If you can’t trust yourself not to drive somewhere later that night, which you should work towards, i guess.
My advice is a little less “YOU NEED HELP!” than some others here just because from what you’ve said yourself you’re not “quite drinking yourself to death” so much as “escaping reality through drink”. I know one can lead to the other so I hope you nip it in the bud.
Good advice, I’ll try it. I have in my house what I’ve allowed myself and more in my car which I parked in the street 1/2 block down.
even sven, I’ve downloaded the app, I’ll try it tonight. Thanks.
Plain Jane,
Hey, That is great! Don’t leave it in the car though. It’s a good thing if you are a heavy drinker to never associate alcohol and motor vehicles! I would end up pulling over on some deserted stretch and drinking it and then having to sober up to drive home. DWI’s are also not fun from what I hear. I have heard stories of people that filled up the windshield washer bottle with booze and piped it into the car so they could get a shot while driving! I used to hide booze in my trunk too. I would make an excuse to go out to the car to have a slug of wine.I had the cleanest car! I hid my wine in the weirdest places. In the dryer, I did a lot of laundry! In the back of the toilet, In a snow bank on the way home…
I went to an awesome meeting last night. I got there a few minutes late and the woman was already into telling her story. I like to hear stories with happy endings and she had a powerful message. She turned her life around in a big way. From gutter drunk to a 40 year old woman with a great job helping the courts to rehabilitate alki’s and addicts. She has a nice apartment, car, and her kids back. She has 7 years sobriety and did the 12 steps and when a person goes through the steps you can hear it. They rip off the mask and you can see their face. The truth is a beautiful thing I can’t get enough of. She did the work and it showed.
Bottles to us were only symbols of a bigger problem. Take the booze away and the problems that got us drinking in the first place are still there. The person we are that we don’t like and have to drink to forget. It takes a lot of courage to face the demons and recover but this woman did . I gave her a hug and talked with some friends after and it was good. I know AA works because I see the same people at the same meetings for years and they are happy and sober.
I tried every way on earth to quit and non of them worked but AA. I still had to try them all though because as an alki I want the easier, softer way and there isn’t one. Keep trying them. All of them, I did. It was good for me to finally see the answer that I got just in time.
Step One- “We are powerless over alcohol -That our lives had become unmanageable.”
You have the first part down. Now you need the second part. How unmanageable is unmanageable? Who owns who? Who is calling the shots? Until you can admit alcohol is in charge you will continue to drink. It’s just the way it is.
I, and others, wrote earlier in the thread that we quit drinking without the assistance of AA. One of the problems I had with it is, some of their members tend to get a bit… zealous, and even arrogant, about the program. Because it worked for them, in their minds there is no other possible alternative to quitting drinking, and they will try to ram this idea down your throat. They don’t realize that it simply isn’t true.
Again, I don’t mean this as a bash against AA, just an observation. AA is an awesome program that has helped millions of people.
Do whatever works for you, PlainJain. If some method doesn’t work, try another. Perhaps AA will ultimately be the key for you - or perhaps not. Don’t let anyone tell you it is the only way.
Hey PlainJane -
When I quit drinking, Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Wellness tea helped me to sleep - It contains Vallerian, a herb that promotes sleep. I found it to be very comforting.
Best of Luck!!
Tension Tamer is really good, too! I’d usually add some brandy…oops! : ) Seriously, a nice end to the day.
You can benefit enormously from 12-step without fully buying into the (IMO) BS aspects. I know a lot of people involved in AA and NA, most of whom don’t take the spiritual stuff, and some other things they might not agree with, very seriously. However the community and some parts of the program are helpful or essential in getting and keeping them sober.
NA might be a little better than AA for you. They are for any addiction issues and they tend to be less schlocky. Also you need to find a meeting with some people you like. Sometimes it takes a lot of meetings to find people you can stand.
You could apologize to the other drivers on the road. You may not think you’re hurting anyone, but you’re putting people at risk. I’m not saying this to chastise you, but to suggest to you that you may not be in a position to be able to identify whether your drinking is having effects on your loved ones and those around you. If you don’t want to try a 12-step program, just seeing a counselor can help you broaden your perspective on your situation.
The other way of looking at this is that cutting back (rather than quitting) has failed in the past, so why should you expect it to work now? It may be time to consider giving up alcohol entirely. Think of it this way – if you give up drinking entirely, you’re always sober when you’re fighting the urge, whereas if you let yourself have two, then at the point that you’re trying to convince yourself not to have three, your judgment is already a bit impaired.
Let me ask you (rhetorically; don’t feel obliged to answer on the board): Have you thought about why you drink? Some people drink just to drink, while others drink to cover up (or avoid having to deal with) some old, unresolved pain or tragedy. If you’re in the latter category, you’re likely to have a much more difficult time controlling your drinking just through your own will power, because you’re fighting both the drinking and whatever it is you’ve buried. Your odds will go up in that situation if you have some help and support. Again, it doesn’t have to be AA; it could be a therapist of some sort.
It started as drinking just to be drinking. I enjoy it. As far as know I’m not covering up or masking any issues or problems with my drinking. I intend to stop altogether, by cutting back I meant as I’m quitting rather than going cold turkey. Now it’s just a physological addiction.
To the other posters, thanks for the tea recomendations. I’ll try them.
Wow, is this timely. I am on Day 5 of no drinking after basically having the equivalent of three or more martinis or the like (amber booze in winter, clear booze in summer) every night before dinner for the past, oh, 30 years or so. My liver scans have started showing signs of a problem. My father ultimately succumbed to cirrhosis. Like at least one other person here, I didn’t actually plan to quit…just decided one morning that enough was enough. Anyway, here’s my little piece of advice. If there are triggers for your drinking, eliminate them. If it’s a case of “I always have a drink when I…” then don’t do that thing, or shake it up so it is no longer recognizable as the trigger. I discovered that once I have eaten dinner (since the drinks were always a before-dinner thing), I no longer want a drink, so I stay busy and occupied (not sitting idly watching TV) while dinner cooks, and I eat earlier. Mr. Akimbo is possibly the least supportive husband in the universe, so I had to announce that if he did not want to move his dinner time up to make it easier for me to not drink, he could cook his own dinner and eat it whenever he wants. (So far he is eating earlier along with me; there has not been one encouraging or congratulatory word spoken to me about this for these first 5 days. He used to drink but had to quit when his body lost all tolerance for it, about 15 years ago, at which time he quit cold turkey. He can now have very small amounts of wine without any negative impact.)
I have replaced the booze with iced green tea (decaf) and lots of water. I am becoming far better hydrated, that’s for sure. The sleep problem is a real issue right now but I am hoping that will pass–I just lie there and stare into the darkness for hours before falling asleep. I spend the time telling myself that alcohol is poison and that there is not one good thing that has come of it for me.
Good luck to you, and everyone else who is on this path. It’s the right thing to do.
Are you sure you didn’t begin drinking out of boredom? Same story with overeaters - they’re bored, so they head for the food to alleviate. I drank partly from boredom too.
Legs, you can come here for support and encouragement - you’re doing the right thing. Liver damage is a pretty sure sign that your alcohol ingesting days are over if you want to stay alive and healthy. Good for you!
Seriously, think about the extent to which your relationship with your husband is one of your triggers. It sounds like you’re stuck in an unhealthy situation. It might help if you have someone you can talk to about things.