Ignoring the rest of the soap opera, why is not being on the computer a non-answer.
What if it were a male friend he had over? Do you still expect him to be sending emails back and forth, or making phone calls while entertaining company?
He might be scum, or he might be telling the truth. You might be misinterpreting or misrepresenting what he said. Either way, if he tells you he’ll be out of contact for an evening and you keep pressing the issue (“So I kept inquiring”), then he should be the one running from you.
When you asked him if he was seeing anyone else he said he was? Just sex with no strings attached? And he didn’t say he was stopping before he slept with you?
Ignoring the obvious question of why you would want to begin having sex with someone you claim to love (after 3 weeks) who is having sex and is intending to keep having sex with someone else, even though the two of you are now having sex, I have to ask: what does it matter if he did spend the night having wild monkey sex with chemo girl? If you’re fine with him sleeping around anyway, why does it matter?
He said he’s not having sex with her since we’ve been together.
Which is fine with me. I’d wanted to know (though I didn’t ask, he volunteered it) because I am a beleiver in fairness.
I’m sorry, but a health care professional who would have a sexual relationship with a client just squicks me out. That is so totally unprofessional and unethical. It sounds as if you want to trust this guy, and that’s your choice, so good luck!
I think “skeevy” is a charitable way to describe a guy who professes his love to you in three weeks, after ending (or maybe not) a year-long relationship with his own chemo patient. I’d say, run.
Yeah, sex with a client? Whether he’s still doing it or not, that’s a definite deal-breaker. Run run run. Find yourself a guy with ethics. This one is not “wonderful.” He’s a creep.
This sounds an awful lot like the all-too-common attitude of “a bad boyfriend is better than none at all.” Not true, my friend.
My, waht a judgemental lot we are here. I’d talk to him about the whole “bonking a client” issue, but we don’t know enough about his profession to know whether it’s a violation of professional ethics or not. If you’re a primary care provider, dating a patient would be bad. If you’re the guy who plugs in her intravenous or provides counseling on life style issues for chemo patients, then I’d say it’s a much more gray issue. I know a guy who dated his physical therapist after snapping his Achilles tendon. They’ve been married for 15 years and have two kids. Violation of ethics?
So far, it sounds like the guy’s been honest enough. And frankly, you’re much better positioned to form an opinion of the guy than we are with our information filtered through a very fine straw. You say you’ve met his friends. Talk with them. That’s the best possible litmus test. See if they’re good people.
Oh, my.
Alright, I understand why you’re getting defensive, but you did ask for honest opinions. We have very little information to go on, here, but let’s look at what we’re working with.
You’re seeing a man who is a home health aide and has been in a “casual sexual relationship” with a chemo patient for the past year. This is just slimy as all get out. He’s taking advantage of his position to seduce a woman who is in all likelihood in a state of emotional upheaval. Yes to the whole unethical question, BTW.
You’ve decided after three weeks that you love him. Not unheard of, but the fact that he likes needy women because they’re an easy lay should give you a clue that he may not be as into this relationship as you are. Clue #2: Bringing the woman he “used to” sleep with to his house to care for her (highly unprofessional and totally unethical and unbelievably inappropriate). Sex after chemo is unlikely, although I’m not entirely convinced she’d just had chemo. Maybe he just wanted wild nasty sex.
He’s retired. He’s single. He only works part time, and it sounds like he has his life the way he wants it. I think you’re getting a bit clingy for him and you can probably look forward to his becoming busier over the next week or so. I doubt he has the balls to tell you it’s over, he’ll just get more and more distant.
I did appreciated the advice, we saw each other yesterday; he took me and my daughter out. We are seeing each other tomorrow.
I sometimes do not mind if someone is seeing someone else on the side, especially this early in a relationship.
All I had wanted was honesty about it, and I believe thats what I got.
This woman isn’t exactly a victim, she sought the relationship out.
Why do we do this?
Why do women always blame the ex girlfriend? I mean…are we so simple that we actually believe that whatever faults a person has, it must be because of the ex?
Don’t get me wrong; she’s a grown woman, and I’m sure she’s enjoying the fring benefits, but he took advantage. What he did was unethical, and I’m sure his employer would feel the same way. You don’t sleep with patients.
Never has a man been seduced. Nope. It is always the man’s fault and we’re all scum of the earth.
I really don’t want to rush to this dude’s defense, but this one-sided thinking where all sexual relationships are solely instigated by men is a few decades out of style.
I didn’t say that. Plenty of female doctors and nurses (etc) have taken advantage of their patients in the same way, and it’s just as unethical. Try not to be so defensive. I’m not talking about all men in all situations. I’m talking about healthcare givers screwing their patients. They have an unfair emotional advantage
I’m pretty sure that **Maureen ** only used the word “man” because the person in question has a penis. Correspondingly, she used the word “woman” because the chemo patient has a vagina. I didn’t get the impression that she was assigning nefarious intentions to the guy because he’s a man, but because he’s sleeping with a patient, who also happens to be very sick and vulnerable.
Her later post about “women always blaming the ex” isn’t something I agree with, though. Given the little I know of BoxofNothing, I’m assuming not that she’s misogynistic, but that she’s emotionally stunted and not especially bright. Or possibly not entirely truthful. One of those, anyway.
BoxofNothing, you’ve involved your daughter in this mess? Really? Your parenting skills are surpassed only by your competence as a judge of character.
Aren’t you nice? Like you said, you don’t know yet are making judgments about me already.
Not very bright yourself, I see.
Yes, my daughter, age 16 is kept in the know of anyone in my life, I don’t see this man for sex, we go out socially, why not include my best friend; my daughter?
What does misogyny have to do with anything? I have no bad feelings about this woman. She can see whoever she wants, she is not causing me any problem.
All I wanted was honesty and upfrontness. I am not blaming anyone.