Q: What is Avocado’s Number?
A: A ‘guaca’ mole.
Traffic Cop: Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
Werner Heisenberg: No, but I know where I am.
Damn! I was going to post this joke and the OP opens the thread with it! :smack:
Q: What do you call Michael Dorn in his “Enterprise” uniform?
A. A Worf in ship’s clothing.
Seen on a T shirt… I want:
Calculus and Alcohol Do Not Mix
Let a=b
a^2 = ab
2a^a = a^2 + ab
2a^2 - 2ab = a^2 - ab
2a(a-b) = a(a-b)
2a = a
2 = 1
**
Don’t Drink and Derive**
Why do (old) programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31.
Indefinite integral of cabin^-1?
houseboat
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and an elephant?
|giraffe||elephant|*(sine of the angle between them)
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a mountain climber?
You can’t, cause one’s a scalar.
So two subatomic particles are at a party. One looks at the other, shocked, and asks, “is that a tau-neutrino in your pocket, or do you have a hadron?!”
Humanities Nerd here:
How many Surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fish
ArchiveGuy, that’s hilarious!
Being a computer geek, I always found this raucously funny (and I do mean raucously):
Two strings walk into a bar. The first says, “Bartender, bring me a beer.”
“Sure thing, string,” says the bartender.
The second string says, “I’d a like a beer too.*#50Dlkoe@#4->koid4oib 098ad#)@s@kiu opid)(@g8LD3=_#@0…”, spewing gibberish until he falls down unconscious.
The first string pipes up, “Excuse my friend, he’s not null-terminated.”
I never quite understood why people backed away slowly from me after I told it. Hey – where’re y’all going?
A neutron walks into a bar and says “How much for a drink?”.
The bartender replies: “For you, there’s no charge”.
In physics the professor was discussing protons and their mass.
Mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic?
:o
I believe that joke is from the Simpsons and involved polar coordinates. I also remember that it was r^2 dr = r dr r, not r dr^2.
That has nothing to do with calculus. Here’s a more subtle one:
1 = sqrt(1) = sqrt((-1)*(-1)) = sqrt(-1)*sqrt(-1) = i^2 = -1
I love that one. There aren’t enough art history jokes. Someone should make some more…
I don’t have time for jokes! I’ve realized that most art movements are balanced by counter movements. But, there is one glaring omission. There is a void, an opportunity for me to achieve ever lasting fame as the brilliant inovator of a new school of thought.
I shall call it------Mama!
BTW- Never read Shakespeare to Dutch artists. I was reading Marc Anthony’s speech from Julius Caesar and Vince got way too enthusiastic.
A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says “We don’t serve mushrooms in here, get out!”
The mushroom replied, “Why? I’m a fun guy!”
One for English history buffs that I remember from a previous thread like this:
Who led the Pedant’s Revolt?
Which Tyler
This one’s visual… hold your hands up with your thumbs touching the sides of your head and fingers spread wide. Now slowly curl your fingers down till your hands are closed.
What’s this?
Die Fledermaus
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius Strip?
To get to the same side!