"We went down to the Mobius Strip for some beer and skin that night, but it seemed to be taking forever for her to get that strip off.
And Klein couldn’t get his bottle open. Or closed.
"We went down to the Mobius Strip for some beer and skin that night, but it seemed to be taking forever for her to get that strip off.
And Klein couldn’t get his bottle open. Or closed.
I heard that as:
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain goat?
A: Goats & mosquitos don’t multiply! One’s a scalar & ones a vector!
Ph3ar my mad nerd skillz! .999999-! .999999999999-!
In local news, the hostage situation took an odd turn when police brought in man in a toga and sandals. They explained this was Socrates, here to create a dialogue.
My attempts to recreate the style of Braques and Cezanne have failed. Last night, I admitted failure and tore my canvases to shreds. Then, inspiration struck. I was able to connect the pieces in such a way that the fragments which make up the image may actually be reconfigured by the observer. It’s a whole new style. I call it- Rubik’s Cubism.
I was upset to find that somebody had stolen my antique tea kettle. I found some of the neighborhood children were using it to perform Shakespeare with action figures. I snatched it back just as Prospero was giving one of his speeches. I think this is a big deal. The neighbors tell me I’m making a mountain out of a molehill . . . or something.
Remember folks, you can watch Wagner’s operas based on Teutonic myths without fear that you’ll die in seven days.
Calvinism- The theological doctrine that only the Lord’s elect shall be saved from the assault of the mutant snowmen.
The old classic:
“Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligient life down here”
With a picture of the Earth.
It’s geekier when you use the right terminology.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito?
A: Nothing – you can’t cross a scalar with a vector.
LeeshaJoy, thanks for finding that thread. I tried searching for my post in it but didn’t get any results.
math nerd joke:
aleph-null bottles of beer on a wall,
aleph-null bottles of beer,
take one down, pass it around,
aleph-null bottles of beer on a wall.
I don’t know where Heisenberg was going but, man, was he going fast!
Another Humanities Joke (and one I came up with on my own, so it’s probably not that funny):
3,000 trees walk into a bar.
Bartender says: “I warned you about this last time, MacDuff.”
Forgot this one:
“I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost…”
IIRC, the math joke on The Simpsons didn’t actually deal with polar coords.
The teacher simply gave y as a function of r:
y = r[sup]3[/sup]/3
and said “if you calculate the rate of change of y, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised”, because
dy/dr = 3r[sup]2[/sup]/3dr = r[sup]2[/sup]dr = r(dr)r = hardee-har-har
The mathematician Cauchy wrote extensively on the subject of complex analysis, so much so that Cauchy’s dog even proved a theorem of complex analysis:
Around any closed path, the dog would leave a residue at every pole.
Here’s a backwards question-and-answer, in the style of Carnac the Magnificent:
A: Polyurethane.
Q: What’s the name of Macbeth’s parrot?
Bookish linguistics geek here:
What did the centurion say when he walked into the sushi bar?
O, tempura! O morays!
I made that up myself! Can you tell?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those that understand binary, and those that don’t.
A math teacher presents a problem to the class: “There is a gymnasium 50 feet wide. If we line the girls up on one side of the gym and the boys on the other side and have them travel half the distance dividing them every minute, when will they meet?”
One boy, who wanted to be a mathematician when he got older, replied immediately, “They will never meet.”
Another boy, of an engineering bent, countered, “That may be true mathematically, but in about eight minutes they’ll be close enough for all practical purposes.”
So four engineers are all in a car on their way to a great big engineering conference, and would you believe it, their car breaks down.
The chemical engineer goes "It must be something involving the fuel ratios. Just give me a second to tinker with it and we’ll be on our way.
The mechanical engineer interrupts with “No, no, no. It is clearly something to do with the way the pistons are traveling in the cylinders. Just let me handle it.”
The electrical engineer says “No, guys, I think it’s an electrical problem. All I need is some electrical tape and let me at that wiring harness.”
The computer engineer scratches his head and suggests “Why don’t we all get out of the car, shut the doors, open them and then try to start the engine.”
On another level of geekiness, I could always get a great reaction out of my college roommate with “So a paladin, a cleric and bard walk into a bar …” I didn’t even need a punch line. She’d just cringe. Closet gamers are so much fun.
A a lawyer, a doctor, and an engineer are discussing which is better to have: a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer prefers a mistress: “No committment, leave any time you want – it’s the best arrangement”.
The doctor prefers a wife: “There’s nothing like having someone to come home to, to grow old with – a wife is best”.
The engineer declares, “Nope – the best arrangement is a wife and a mistress. You tell your wife you’re with your mistress, you tell your mistress you’re with your wife, then you can go to the lab and get some work done”.
this is officially the first joke in this thread that made me laught out loud.
Ooh. That’s gooood!
And now, the wacky adventures of Birnham and Dunsinane!
Birnham- Ooh! Lady MacBeth is sleepwalking nekkid! Hey, I got wood! Huh. Huh-huh.
Dunsinane- I am sooo high! Huh-huh huh huh.
Next episode- The cops don’t buy Dunisnane’s claim that his bag of rope dope is “stem cell research”.
Last year, while looking for a wedding present, I found something no geek’s kitchen should be without. No, not a crockpot. Not a George Foreman grill. It’s called a deflector dish. Just plug it in and press the polarity reversal button and there’s no problem it can’t solve.
Last week, my kids decided they wanted the new X Box. They handed me a note that said
10 PRINT “CAN WE HAVE A NEW XBOX, DAD?”
20 GOTO 10
I just handed them a note that said
15 PRINT “NO.”
16 END
Still, I couldn’t be prouder.
“No robot shall harm a human or through inaction allow a human to be harmed.” not just a good idea, it’s the law.
I ordered some clothes from BakerStreet.com. When I opened the box, they were all irregulars. I sent an e-mail asking how they would solve this problem. They said I could have a 7% discount. What the hell is that? 7%? That’s their solution?
So, you hosers, I hear that the white bull of Minos was the active participant, eh? You know what that means, eh? It means the human participant was passive, eh?
Why is it you can go to any Italian restaurant and get alfredo sauce, but nobody has negredo, rubedo or peacock’s tail sauce?
How did the legionaires feel about their defeat?
They were decimated!
and finally, a classic joke
What’s the difference between the male urinary tract and a garden hose?
Lemm tell ya, there’s a vas deferens.
GrizzWife tell this one…
Q-Why did Mitterand receive the Nobel Peace Prize?
A-Because France is the only Arab country not at war.