In light of your clear contempt for women who aren’t interested in you (i.e. all women), I’ll go with this one. You seriously (no snark intended) come off as a fun combination of clueless, arrogant, and misogynistic.
BTW, when you insult someone for not being interested in you, it makes you look really bad and doesn’t say anything about them, except that they made the right choice.
It’s not. But never having found a single person interested in dating you at 30 *is *a big deal.
You’re asking us what the issue is, presumably because you don’t know. I’m telling you. It’s not a mere coincidence that no woman has wanted to date you yet, it’s not because they’re all crazy “princesses” who don’t realize that they’re no prize either and by all rights you should be able to date them, and it’s not because you’re too ugly. It’s something else. Considering your offensive, jerky attitude and apparent cluelessness, I’d start there.
It is true that some men can be jerks and still get women: men with good social skills (of a certain kind) and/or very good looks. Evidently that’s not you, which is fine because it’s a bad way to be anyway. Maybe try being nice.
There’s not something drastically wrong with you, but you are stuck in the dating/sex mindset of a late teens, early 20s guy, in my opinion. I was there too (in my early to mid 20s) – sex was the only important thing… it wasn’t that it was the highest priority, it was the only priority. At times when I was single I would feel bitterness towards women that did not want to have sex with me, but somehow I came to realize that this wasn’t their problem – it was mine. In general, women don’t want to be with men who are unhappy and bitter about women.
You also have to realize that women don’t owe you anything. You aren’t owed sex and you aren’t owed companionship. Be a nice person- ask women out respectfully, treat them respectfully, and understand that just as you aren’t into all women, they won’t all be into you. In fact, most of them won’t be into you. If they’re not into you, say goodbye and move on. Most guys who say they are stuck in the “nice guy” role with girls aren’t actually nice guys… I know I wasn’t when I used to think that- I was a lonely dude who thought that because I wasn’t a complete asshole I deserved sex and attention. But it doesn’t work that way. Nobody owed me anything.
This is the real important point, in my opinion. A person could be 30, single, recently divorced with 2 kids. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But 30 and never been on a date or had sex without paying for it? That’s a really extreme outlier.
I think what someone in the situation needs to do is realize how unusual that situation is and be honest about what got them in their predicament and what to do about it today and be honest about their past and whether they’re making any progress.
Like if someone was so shy at 20 they didn`t speak to anyone male or female and by 25 was making a few male friends. Ok, it’s every bit as extreme an outlier of normal human social experience as **Mrmanface ** but at least it’s clear where they were coming from. My hypothetical person mostly needs to assess whether they’re still making progress and how to do it.
**Mrmanface ** on the other hand routinely socializes with women yet none of them have ever wanted to date him. It’s pretty obvious his attitude toward women is terrible and very unattractive to women, but it’s equally obvious his attitude toward dating is terrible. I believe he basically gave up asking women on dates years ago. Hating women isn’t going to land any dates but neither is asking zero women out on dates.
Basically **Mrmanface **'s first step should do a 180 degree change in attitude about his own ability to assess himself. Instead of belligerently assuming everyone is dead wrong, even though we all have healthy relationships and he never has, he should assume everything he thinks is wrong.
He might be right about a few things… I haven’t seen any evidence of that in this thread, but it’s possible. But it’s been 30 years of abject failure at relationships. It’s time for **Mrmanface **to make the new default assumption “everything I think is wrong”
I think you’re right, even if **Mrmanface **can’t see it. Earlier I suggested dating younger women because there’d be less of a gap in their relationship experience. Maybe it was a good idea, maybe it was a bad idea. But **Mrmanface **'s reaction was that it’d be too challenging since women in their early 20s are the most desirable women.
I have nothing against people in their early 20s but if you still think they make the best relationship partners when you’re 30, something about you is “stuck”
You’re way wrong if you think your attitude towards women doesn’t shine through when you think you’re being nice. And your attitude is anything but nice. That’s based on your words here.
But feel free to disregard all the advice by people who actually have managed to find people interested in dating them. You can think it’s everyone else who has the problem, but everyone else isn’t going to change.
Mrmanface, your approach and attitude towards women has obviously failed you- it’s time to rethink it. Pretend that all of your assumptions are just wrong, and the assumptions of us with successful romantic lives are correct, and start from there.
What makes it weird not having a girlfriend or intimate, non-transaction based sexual relationship by 30 is that most people have similar sort of natural developmental milestones in their lives. Kind of like learning to talk or dress yourself:
[ul]
[li]Straight men usually start taking an interest in the opposite sex in their early teens around puberty.[/li][li]Usually through jr high and high school, they start experimenting with “girlfriend” type relationships, although most are pretty clueless about the “rules” of dating.[/li][li]College is usually a time of freedom and wild experimentation (basically getting drunk a lot and partying). It’s often a chance to break out of the relationship models of their high school days. [/li][li]Early 20s is often an extension of the college mentality, but now you have money. This may be the first time being in a dating pool where everyone doesn’t know everyone.[/li][li]By late 20s or early 30s, most people have figured out what they want in a relationship and are either at least thinking about settling down or planning to “Clooney” it for the rest of their lives.[/li][li]And by your 30s or 40s people have typically been through several long term relationships or they are married with kids or divorced and looking for something else.[/li][/ul]
The point is, usually by the time you hit 30, you should have already been shaped somewhat by your prior relationship experience, for better or worse. Breaking off your HS girlfriend to go to college. That college girlfriend who banged your roommate. That college girlfriend who broke up with you for banging her roommate. Maybe a long string of short-term dating relationships that didn’t work out. Whatever.
Problem is I’m not hearing any of that with the OP. He gives the impression of someone completely clueless about relationships at all. In fact, he reminds me a bit of how I viewed relationships at 14 or 15. Not the misogynistic stuff. But just sort of lacking understanding of the concepts like how do you know a girl is interested, or how do you let her know you’re interested. But unfortunately he’s at an age where even the biggest nerds in high school would have figured most of that out by now and have gone to their ten year reunion with their wife.
I have found that some people are unable to distinguish between politeness and genuine friendliness. I’m able to work well with people that I despise, and be polite to them. I’ve had more than one boss think that I was friends with a co-worker, when in fact I was merely being polite and professional in the workplace. I think that the OP is mistaking politeness from women for friendliness, and thinks that he’s far more popular with women than he actually is. I probably would be polite to him if we were co-workers…but I certainly wouldn’t be his friend, if he said the same things in the workplace as he’s said here.