Yes, and this reminds me of another point it’s important to make.
Often guys who are out in the wilderness relationship-wise, still cling to the belief that relationships are easy and they just need something to “click” and they will become normal (whatever that is).
And any setback must mean they haven’t had this vital change happen yet.
IME it’s not helpful to see it that way.
Guys with little relationship history are missing a lot of vital experience, and crucially lack confidence; and they shouldn’t rely on that one special woman fixing all this. You’ve gotta get out there, get bruised, but learn from it.
In the interests of full disclosure: I’m yet another guy in his 30s who’s never had a girlfriend. However, at least now I’m sexually active. My relationships fizzle, I think, because I am too passive, too compliant… I’m working on it
Mijin has it - just start dating, secure in the knowledge that you’re going to go on a few bad dates and maybe a few 3-6 month mediocre relationships but it doesn’t mean you’re beaten, and if your experience is anything like pretty much everyone else the process of eventually finding Miss Awesome will resemble the following:
NO, no, umm no, maybe, no, no, let's be honest this isn't really working hon..., no, no, **OMG! YES YOU, YES!!!!!** :D
Not just because the search for the right partner takes time (it does), but because you’ll be growing along the way too…
I was also a late starter, by the way. Early 30’s is still quite young and a perfectly fine time to date, there are a lot of people who are done with a first marriage and have the benefit of knowing what they really want the second time around. You’ll do fine.
Lets face it, at 30, if you’re not at least on the way to being married and having a family,you’re a failure at life. Oh unless you’re doing something else amazing, like being a professional athlete, an executive or some sort of scientist then you’re a failure.
Anyone else reminded of this guy? (Waiting to move up to management in about 10-15 years so he could afford a “free girl” instead of blowing half of his $800 monthly income on escorts)
I’m not that stupid. I don’t expect that one day I’ll make a heap of money and then women will all want me. I was just saying that I’m doing anything particularly interesting with my life so there is not any good excuse to be still be single and not want to be single. Even if you’re some sort of anti social alien you can still find someone. And if you’re fat you can lose weight. Fat people shouldn’t breed, it is not fair on the kids. Being overweight is a genuine medical illness that needs to be cured.
Pack a few extra pounds, fine. But as with all things spoken by Americans, the truth is somewhat different to what is being said. Morbid obesity is an illness and you need to get healthy before dating. The same applies to both men and women.
A bit overweight is fine, but what is “a bit overweight” would be considered thin to modern day Americans. I mean, have you seen all of the fat kids getting around ? They’re just huge.
My, the more things change, the more they stay the same. It seems like only yesterday that the preferred excuse not to face the struggle and rejection of dating was:
Oh and this board is not a great place for accurate relationship advice if you aren’t a upper class middle aged college educated professional, the board’s standards are collectively too high!
If you can survive without a GF don’t bother, you will be far better off.
If I could go back in a time machine to when I was a child, I’d castrate myself, and by so doing would spare the future me a lifetime of heartache, disappointment and outright mental pain. I’d also be extremely wealthy now.
Even if you did eventually get a GF, after being independent for so long you will find it difficult to compromise on everything in your life, and if you get married, you have only a 50% chance of staying married. Being divorced is probably worse than being single, and definitely financially ruinous. Try starting all over again at 30 or 40 or 50.
If you do take the plunge, read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but most importantly you must accept that men will never ever know how women work ( and visa versa ).
Hell, I can put up shelves. I’m much better at woodworking than my husband is, in fact. I am not as physically strong as he is, but I do understand leverage and how to use tools.
Richard Pearse and Blackberry already pointed out the value of actually interacting with the opposite sex, which I completely agree with. But besides that, don’t you see any personal value in attempting to assess your own views and opinions? Whether they’re working for your life or working against you?
Say somebody went to school to study aerodynamics and operations of aircraft and desperately wanted to be a pilot, but in 30 years nobody had agreed to hire him for anything at all in the aeronautics field. If that were me I’d do some serious self assessment instead of assuming I know what I’m talking about in spite of all actual evidence being to the contrary.
I have a lot of great qualities including being handsome, and my girlfriend has a lot of great qualities besides being super hot. I didn’t bring it up to brag though.
I’ve actually had a lot of people, men and women, tell me the opposite advice of what you’re getting in this thread. Lots of people will advise you to be obnoxious and unavailable to lure in women.
I don’t like that advice. But my main point is that when I hear that advice I look at my life and my girlfriend and my relationship and I think, “I’m happy with what my approach to love and women has gotten me. I don’t need to reassess anything. I’m going to happily ignore it.”
You just don’t seem to be in that position. Going with your gut and being a misogynist doesn’t seem to work for you. How many years do you have to be unsuccessful before you’re willing to reassess your approach?
