Never mind Spiderman, Batman, Daredevil, The X-Men, etc. etc...

Cafe Society
41

That would be Saker. Sadly no studio with the resources to do the movie right would let his origin speech remain.

(I like the speech. I do not agree with his views. Nor, do I intend to offend anyone. It’s IMHO a great speech and I happen to have the issue handy.)

“It was a time when preachers, blasphemers and would-be messiahs ran rampant. This one, whose mother had borne him of a demon, was the worst of the lot. He was a rabble-rouser, a guerilla leader and a troublemaker. He lacked all common sense and decency. Perhaps it was one false promise too many, or his speeches had brought down the wrath of the government, or maybe it was the way he embraced whores in public. But one day they almost turned on him
Stoning is a cruel, crude way to die and even in those times it was saved for those who truly deserved it. … Our preacher knew there was only one way to win them back-a show of power…The witless throng sang his praises while I wept for a paradise lost.”
I’ve seen a lot of Lazaruses(Lazari?), Wandering Jews, and deathless centurions. Saker is one of the best conceived and best written. Though, Leonid Andreyeff’s story Lazarus is the best of the lot (Nonspoiler-revealed on the first page-Having seen infinity, Lazarus sees all life and all physical things as fleeting and utterly pointless)

42

Cue deep, gravelly movie-announcer voice…

This summer…

Pounding drums and heavy brass start playing exciting theme music - very Basil Poledouris, if you know who that is. A walled city on a high desert plain fades into view, banners and pennants flying from its towers

…travel to a lost time, in a forgotten land…

A group of horsemen ride into view, they are dressed in leather and furs and have horns on their helmets. They positively bristle with weapons - swords, daggers, bows…

…where a hero stood alone for honor and justice…

A muscular man is seen from behind. He has long, dark hair, and wears a sleeveless leather shirt, tan pants, and his boots are fastened with leg wrappings. On his back are two swords. The camera moves in as he turns toward it revealing his familiar face, and his trademark eyebrow lift…

*the screen goes black. In huge, block letters we see…

THE ROCK

We see The Rock in rare form, fighting with a sword in each hand against impossible odds…the screen goes black again…in huge, block letters we see…

**Groo the Wanderer **

**the screen fades to black and teaser credits. Over the music we hear the Rock’s voice say… “Groo is not incompetent. Groo is very not-incompetent. Of this, Groo is certain!”

Fade out.

Coming soon to a theater near you.

I dare you to tell me you wouldn’t go see this movie if it was ever made. I know I would.

43

GROO DOESN’T WEAR PANTS!

(Other than that, I admit, you’ve got me hooked. Especially the dialog!)

44

The Rock? Nahhh
Sylvester Stallone!
He’d be a natural.
But who plays Groo isn’t the important question. The important question is:
Who will mulch?

45

Given the past history of movies based on comic book heroes, I’ll happily NOT have a Teen Titans movie. I LIKE the Teen Titans.

46

BADGER! Must…have…Badger movie!

How can you go wrong with a schizophrenic martial artist, an Old English Druid, A yeti, assorted demons, and lots of Point beer?

Or maybe Nexus, with Judah Maccabee, KREEGAH! BUNDOLO!

or how’s about GRIMJACK! Yeah!

47

Wonder Woman is a very well known character,
everyone knows about WW.

Further thinking, why not Tia Carrera as WW.

48

Sometimes costume changes are necessary to make the movie what it should be. If the X-Men can wear black leather, then Groo can wear pants. It’ll be funner if The Rock looks really cool.

49

One of the tougher apsects to casting a comic book superhero is getting the look right. Tia just doesn’t look anything like Wonder Woman. The best woman I can think of for the role right now would be Catherin Zeta Jones.

And I do think WW is one of the most recognizable superheroes that nobody knows anything about. For example there were many people who didn’t understand why WW didn’t have her invisible jet or that she could fly like Superman when the JLA cartoon came on Cartoon Network.

Marc

50

The Rock is not Groo. Stallone is not Groo.

David Spade. He’s Groo.

51

And you call yourself barbarian. Real barbarians use Spade for toothpick. Maybe toilet paper. Maybe both.

52

I know arnold is too old nowadays, but having him play Groo, the ultimate parody of Conan, is just to delicious an irony to let pass.

Hell, come to think of it, having an obvious stunt double, who looks nothing like Arnold do all the stunts would be pretty funny too.

As far as Saker’s speech goes, I think it could be pulled off, as long as it’s made obvious that Saker is nuts. Or a liar (Example: The “God is an absentee landlord” speech from The Devil’s Advocate).

53

Terry Jones would have been a great Groo when he was younger. He actually looks like Groo, which is kind of disturbing when you think about it.

David Spade can play the Minstrel instead. The Rock can play whats-his-name; the guy with the big chin.

That said, how about an animated feature film of Buck Godot? And if that works out, maybe a Xxxenophile feature?

54

Heroes come and heroes go,
But none are like Arcadio!
(Who should be played by Kevin Sorbo
In my HO)