Hello, I am new to this site. Anyone who like to fill me in on the ropes would be greatly appreciated.
THanks! :dubious:
Well, the first rope is to read the forum descriptions and open new threads in the right one.
welcome here sucker
Read a lot at the start. Each thread you read will help your descent into the madness
Dopers are usually more than willing to help tear you a new asshole
Run. Run now. Before it’s too late…
Ye gods, they’re coming for me again…
Welcome to the boards and enjoy.
Right off the bat this is the wrong Forum for Hellos.
I believe this should be in MPSIMS.
I have requested a move for you my hit the little triangle in the upper right corner to request help. You are free to do this for coding errors, problems within the thread or abusive posts outside of the PIT. Be patient, the mods are volunteers and do a great job but have their own lives.
Take the time to read the descriptions on the Forums. Over the next week try to read the various stickies scattered throughout the Forum. The are the threads at the top of each forums list.
Many should be along to greet you once your thread gets moved.
Their will be a menagerie of Goats, Sheep, Cats and Squids and the very least.
Jim
You can swear here, goddamit.
Perhaps this is the best place for certain introductions…
Welcome to the boards, fungyrl. This thread is more appropriately suited for the MPSIMS forum – I’ll move it there for you.
Nice young men in their clean white coats?
Ok, where’s the welcoming committee, they’re late? 
Let’s start by filling the loop at the end of this noose with your fungyl neck.
<runs in carrying a very full knapsack>
Whew…sorry I’m late. Ok, we’ve got the manacles, tourniquets, straight jacket, Bactine, antivenin, cattle prod, trampoline, squck-proof waders, salsa, trebuchet, one gross of marbles, English-to-French phrasebook, Theremin, iron tongs, smelling salts, the camcorder and a goat. If I’m not forgetting anything, then I think we can begin giving fungyrl a…proper welcoming.
You forgot pie.
Welcome fungyrl! Tonight’s initiation – oops, make that introductory – meeting for new members is in Room 9. A word of advice: stay away from the chocolate milkshakes. The strawberry ones are okay, though. And if you’re lucky, there’ll be a Doperball game. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a great athlete to play – just a quick typist!
you guys are the bomb!! woo hoo you can curse here!! right on@#$%^&*()
I will bring the pie… but beer sounds better
Hi fungyrl and welcome!
I missed the memo where the New Member Welcome Ritual was expanded to include salsa and marbles. The salsa’s for the calamari of course. And hold on tight to the marbles – you definitely don’t want to lose your marbles on your first day.
Welcome, fungyrl. The ropes around here are carefully reeved, spliced, and tied, but they are only symbolic of the olden times. Today, we use keyboards, mice, beer, and trainloads of ones and zeroes.
Rule number one is “Don’t be a jerk.” You can be mighty rude in the BBQ Pit, but there are limits even there.
General Questions is for asking things that will have definite factual answers. GQ is definitely not the place for political opinions. You’ll learn just how close to that line you can safely dance.
If someone disagrees with you, Don’t Be A Jerk in defending your position.
If you find you were wrong, own up to it. If you were A Jerk, apologize.
If you aren’t really sure of what you’re about to post, either do some research or say upfront that you aren’t sure.
Good luck.
Have the margaritas here, they’re the best you’ll ever have.
Pick up after yourself, don’t put your shoes on the furniture, and try not to fight against the duct tape, it only gets all twisted and irritates the skin.
Hello fungyrl. Be welcome. Enjoy your stay. 
Rule Three: Leave the sheep alone - they’re spoken for.
Rule Four: Don’t leave your computer logged in to the Straight Dope Message Board when you’re not around. 