Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash, then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling….At this point, the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence…Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly.
And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail
In their rendition of the Cell Block Tango
Colonel Mustard: Well, you’ve paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine, or other womens’?
Colonel Mustard: Yours.
Mrs. White: Five.
Colonel Mustard: Five?
Mrs. White: Yes, five. Husbands should be like kleenex; soft, strong and disposable.
Dear, I always say, a flawed husband is better than none at all.
When a woman has a husband and you have none, why should she take advise from you, even if you can quote Balzac and Shakespeare and all those other high-falutin’ Greeks?
Of course, I shouldn’t tell you this, but she advocates dirty books. …Chaucer. Rabelais. Balzac!
Just call me Joe. We’ll take these books.
Carl Conrad Coreander: Your books are safe. While you’re reading them, you get to become Tarzan or Robinson Crusoe.
- Bastian: But that’s what I like about 'em.
- Carl Conrad Coreander: Ahh, but afterwards you get to be a little boy again.
- Bastian: Wh-what do you mean?
- Carl Conrad Coreander: Listen. Have you ever been Captain Nemo, trapped inside your submarine while the giant squid is attacking you?
- Bastian: Yes.
- Carl Conrad Coreander: Weren’t you afraid you couldn’t escape?
- Bastian: But it’s only a story.
- Carl Conrad Coreander: That’s what I’m talking about. The ones you read are safe.
“You’ve read Jules Verne?”
“I adore Jules Verne!”
“Me, too. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, my absolute favorite. I remember reading it for the first time when I was a little boy, how I wanted to meet Captain Nemo!”
“Oh, Emmett! You couldn’t have read it when you were a little boy; it was only first published… 10 years ago.”
“Oh, yes, well… I meant… it made me feel like a boy.”
He’s a little fragile, but he’s gonna grow up to be big and strong… just like his dad.
‘Fra-gee-lay’. That must be Italian.
-“BB”-
We’re in Italy. Speak English.
Italian-Americans are among the most loyal, most law-abiding, patriotic, hard-working American citizens in this land. And It would be a shame, Mr. Chairman, if we allowed a few rotten apples to give a bad name to the whole barrel . Because from the time of the Great Christopher Columbus to the time of Enrico Fermi right up to the present day, Italian-Americans have been pioneers in building and defending our nation. They are the salt of the earth, and one of the backbones of this country…
What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.
Senator William ‘Wild Bill’ Hubley: Uh, yes, but that victory must be weighed against the fact that his opponents, the presidential and vice presidential candidates of my party were killed in that tragic automobile accident three days before the election.
TV Commentator Howard: And it must be remembered that nearly 30 million Americans actually voted for the two corpses.
The only question is who you voted for, and are you going to vote the same way?
We’re not electing the f***ing Pope here. Just tell me who won.
Wintergreen for President!
“My name is Bob Runsom, and I’m running for president!”
“I’m glad he said that, because those people were about to buy some Amway products!”
Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.