And Jesus’ mom gave birth without sex! If she can do it, ladies, why can’t you?
I’m assuming she is always on top and has psychic powers to tell when her partner is ready to cum so she can control the pullout.
Yeah, but Jesus didn’t mean for you to take him seriously on everything, ya know? Like that stuff about caring for the poor, protecting children, and how a rich man [sic] can’t enter heaven. He was just punking us! Jesus, you silly scamp-- you really had people going there for a couple thousand years! 
Now we have the Christian Republicans to preach the True Gospel. 
I just officially fell in love with you
Wait wait wait! Isn’t that bIrTh CoNtRoL?!?! Lock her up!
There’s a poster idea for when they inevitably try this shit at the high school games this fall.
What took you so long?
Jesus only really meant the things he said about abortion and teh gay.
There was a snafu in the paperwork
Aw, thanks you guys! I love you too. 
Which, of course, is nothing on either issue.
I have a mental image of him walking into court with a(nother) sleazy attorney, festooned with enough bandages and braces for his “injuries” to make him look like the love child of King Tut and Robocop.
Thomas seems strangely silent in revisiting interracial marriage laws.
Or the status of black people at the time the Constitution was written.
Individual 1 supported candidate for Texas state legislature arrested for impersonating a governmental official demanding his opponent’s campaign signs be taken down.
A truck with 46 migrants was found in Texas yesterday, with the people inside dying from the heat. Governor Abbott blames Biden.
Wait, is this 2022 or 2020?
Snarking at the GQP rep.
That was rhetorical, friend. Time has little meaning to the GQP.
More Lauren Boebert: The church is supposed to direct the government. BTW, today is her primary election.