Their fundraising pitches are hysterical and they’re all Trump, all the time. Donations to get your name on a card that Trump will actually SEE. Donations that enter you into a drawing to meet Trump.
I may have posted some of this before, but back in October I signed up for the Trump e-mail list for approximately 8 hours (I’m glad I used a throwaway account because even after I unsubscribed, they’d already sold the address to hundreds of “partners”, and that account was immediately drenched with several dozen e-mails a day.)
It was quite the adventure.
The seemed very anxious to warn me about Sleepy Joe and Phony Kamala and their Radical Socialist agenda that would destroy America. But they have the solution and it’s not voting. If I want to stop then I need to send…wait for it…money. Lots of it.
First, I got e-mails from Rudy Guiliani, Lara Trump and Eric Trump, all exhorting me to donate before midnight so my donation would be matched 700%. They never came right out and said that it was Donald Trump who would be matching my donation, but they implied it. But I ended up forgetting to send money, go figure. This caused a minor panic in Trumplandia.
Shortly after the deadline, Diamond and Silk dropped me an email telling me how important it was that we crush Joe Biden so Trump has agreed to extend the deadline another hour. I soon found out there was more to it.
Eric emailed me to tell me that his father was very disappointed in me but had agreed to give me a second chance by extending his 700% match for another hour! So they extended it just for me!
Then Don Jr send me an e-mail with a very scary looking table that showed my name (my real one even though I never gave it), my account number 
, and the word NONE next to end of month donation. Don Jr. really didn’t want to have to show my donor file to his daddy and he begged me not to let the President down.
But the President must not have been all that let down, cause he’d been emailing me directly all night telling me he wanted to see me. He wanted to impress me with his strength and watch him crush Joe Biden in the debate. He would pay my airfare, I’d get to stay in Trump’s favorite hotel and have my picture taken with him (or a VERY lifelike cardboard cutout). Of course, I had to make a donation to be entered for a CHANCE to win this golden opportunity.
But Donald told me I’m his special patriot and he really wants ME to be the winner, so I’m sure if I just send in a donation he’ll make happen. Or that’s what it sounded like…wink wink.
I also noticed that while he said the winner would get to stay at Trump’s favorite hotel, they never said they’d pay for it. So he’s probably going to make the winner pay for that overpriced room at some tacky Trump branded dinosaur with flaking gold gilt and filthy carpet.
Donald also offered, in another email, to send me a free gift if I made a donation. Before I could ponder what kind of gift wasn’t free, I got another email from the Donald J Trump account.
Someone that wasn’t Trump promised me that if I made a donation now they would put my name on a special list that Trump would actually see - and I would be #5 on that list! This sounded like an awesome chance to extend to a horrible person who had donated $0 towards Making America Great, and I took it as evidence of Trump’s forgiviness . But I wondered why someone else was sending emails from Donald’s account, and why they would be trying to get me to pay them to give Donald my name when Donald has already personally asked me to come see him in Washington.
And I had the same thought when Kimberly Guilfoyle asked me to pay to get my name put in a card she was going to give to Donald Trump. Little did she know that I’m already Donald’s special patriot and after I send my $100, he’s going to rig the contest so we can be together in his hotel.
But Donald J Trump was also very concerned that I might want a Trump Make America Great Again flag, or tee-shirt or hat and not know where to get one. I guess he wants to make sure he can recognize me when I go to meet him at his hotel, so I’ll need to buy the T-shirt, and maybe a flag.