Fair enough, I just found lots of posts = reason for no lovin to be a bit of a leap. Looks like I may have misinterpreted your post as well, so we’ll leave it at that.
Guin will certainly let you know if she has a problem. 
BTW welcome to the SDMB.
Looks like I handed the baton to Bosda. 
A deliberately sexualized image is incompatible with a pledge to stay away from sex. It’s false advertising, like a hotel with a “vacancy” sign but no rooms.
The world? No, she tried to make herself into one, in the public eye.
I agree. Sex drive, for example, can be vastly different between two people. If he wants to have sex every day and she can’t stand it more than once a month, “working on it” isn’t going to help. One or both of them will be really frustrated.
Damn right. And for those who argue that sexual compatibility isn’t that important if you’re compatible in other areas, i’m telling you that for some of us it is. And it’s not just guys who feel this way either.
Answer me this: what would your solution be for a married couple who found themselves in a situation where one partner, for example, wanted sex far more frequently than the other?
Should the partner who doesn’t want sex give in and have it anyway just to please the other? I’ll best most people would say “no.” And i’ll bet that this would be the reaction especially if it were the man who wanted sex more often. Some would say that a woman conceding to have sex even though she doesn’t really want to is wrong, and i’d tend to agree.
OTOH, would you suggest that the person who wants sex more often just go without? If sex is important to that person, is this a fair solution? Not in my books.
Or what about if the person who wants sex more often decided to look for it outside the relationship? Would this be OK, under the circumstances? I’ll bet many of the “wait until marriage” crowd would say no.
Personally, i’d prefer to work out whether i’m sexually compatible BEFORE deciding to stay with that person for the rest of my life.
And, for those who seem to be equating sexual experimentation with an inability to practice monogamy–you’re wrong. Plenty of people enjoy their period of sexual experimentation with a variety of partners, and are still able to maintain a monogomous relationship once they decide to “settle down.” It’s not an either-or scenario. In fact, i know some people–and i’m one–who believe that having had a variety of partners before choosing your life partner can actually help the cause of monogamy because you are less likely to wonder what you’re missing.
I have no problem with people who want to wait until they’re married, as long as:
a) they don’t preach to me about my sexual behaviour
b) they don’t expect me to show any interest in them
I’ll agree, sexual compatibility is a huge part of any relationship.
I think it’s very rough to survive the types of problems a bad sex life can inject into a relationship, and it must be even worse with no prior sexual incompatibility experience to draw from.
I’ll guess self esteem issues and neglecting of needs will culminate into simmering anger, and one day someone will boil over in frothing blinded rage, detached from reality, spinning in fear, bashing the other to a crimson pulp with an antique oak chair leg.
Yep, waiting for marrage ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
You do realize that even if you do have comparable sex drives to begin with, that kind of stuff can change? Just ask my husband what having a baby did to my sex drive. This is not to say he never gets any - just less than before. Life gets in the way sometimes - we’re adults, we deal. If this is something that some people don’t think they can deal with, maybe a long term relationship is not for them. I mean, sickness, stress and depression can happen to anyone and it does no favours for anyone’s sex drive. Just saying.
And in some cases, it’s completely devastating to a relationship.
A friend of mine’s wife had a baby and told him that she never, ever wanted to have sex again. She unfortunately meant it, and although he tried for a year and a half to live with a complete lack of sexual attention, he eventually couldn’t take it anymore.
He left, found a new girlfriend, and she is now single. They’re both much happier than they were for that year and a half.
You are aware, are you not, that loss of sexual consort is one of the grounds for divorce that is recognized just about everywhere as valid? I’m not saying your husband should divorce you --dealing with temporary fluctuations in sex drives is the adult thing to to. I AM saying that the law has long recognized that marriage is about sex along with love, kids and all that other stuff the family values crowd likes to harp upon. Sex is important, and saying that others who care about it aren’t mature enough for a long-term relationship flies in the face of common sense, and denies long-held beliefs about the nature of marriage.
Sorry, none of that quite came out right. I didn’t mean to sound obnoxious. Hey, if I cut him off totally and stated that I was never going to sleep with him again, he’d be within his rights to act. I guess what I’m saying is that compromise is part of an adult relationship and that includes sex. That’s all. I think I’m going to go crawl back under my rock now. Back to your regularly scheduled program…
Incongruent sex drives is just one example of sexual incompatibility, there are others. What if one the partners is just lousy in bed and doesn’t satisfy the other person? What if the guy just climbs on, grunts a few times and rolls off? What if a woman needs a lot of foreplay to get going and the guy’s not into it? What if there are physical incompatibilities? (it happens) What if someone turns out to have a weird kink or fetish that’s a turn-off to the other?
Sure, some people can work through these things but some people can’t. A sexual relationship which is satisfying to both patners is a fairly important part of a marriage. Shouldn’t you know something about it before you commit to a person?
Hey, don’t look at me, I agree with what all the non-virgins are saying.
I’m just saying people have the right to disagree with that too.
There’s also a difference between a temporary sexual mismatch and a permenent one. Temporary situations, such as having a baby, can mess up your sex life for a temporary amount of time. Keyword being “temporary”. Eventually, things should go back to normal.
If two people just have completely different libido’s though, you’ve got a problem. Sure, you can compromise but what it boils down to is both people are making sacrifices. That can be okay for some people, for others, it can be catastrophic to the relationship.
Sexual bumps come along every relationship road (at some point), wouldn’t it be better to start out with a smooth surface?
A smooth wet surface.
I don’t need a baton to beat Tiny Tim’s brains out.
Remember–the right tool for the right job.
Use a flyswatter.
Yes, i do realize that. The only argument that i was trying to make is that, for me at least, sexual compatability is an important issue and one that i need to know about BEFORE committing to a long-term relationship. My girlfriend, BTW, is of exactly the same opinion.
And, like others here, i draw a distinction between temporary changes and long-term compatability.
You’re absolutely right, of course, and i didn’t mean for this to turn into a debate solely over the issue of sex drive. I just used that as an example of one type of incompatability. Hell, for some souples “sexual compatability” might simply be an agreement that they never need to have sex at all.
Ignoring the “she was asking for it” part (because I don’t agree with DtC on that one), I have to ask something?
How did you know she was waiting for marriage? How did our football player know? How did all his friends (with whome he made, the bet) know this?
Was there a survey of all the girls in school (makes it convenient…the guys looking for a cheap fling would know which women to chase…and which not)? Maybe she was giving someone a blowjob and then said “Oh, I can’t go any farther. I’m saving myself for marriage”?
Of course not. You, and everyone else, knew because she told you. The point being that you might be one of those people having sex…but not her.
Of course, I don’t know this. But I’ll bet I’m right. She wasn’t asked, she offered.
Remarkably similar to those who don’t own a TV. Do you know anyone who doesn’t own a TV? Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t. But if you DO know someone who doesn’t own one, I’ll fucking bet you that they’ve made you aware of it. Deliberately. Probably more than once. Because, to them, it makes them better than someone like…you
They being sanctimonious on purpose? Maybe. Maybe not. But they are being sanctimonious.
-Joe
Gee whiz, I’d only been here ONE FUCKING DAY, Mr. 3-year member, but feel free to Search my posts and decide for yourself if I made a contribution in that one day. I think it’s pretty clear I didn’t just show up to be rude and punky.
Funny, searching YOUR posts on that same day revealed exactly FIVE, including the one to which I’m responding. So that’s 4 for you and 21 for me - you sure got me on that “contributing” thing. :rolleyes:
And since Guinastasia didn’t attack me for the post that so offended your chivalry, I don’t see as how I need to explain it further.
[sub]I realize it’s bad form to bump old threads, but I couldn’t let this clown think he “vanquished” me, or whatever it is he thinks he accomplished.[/sub]
Well, SOMEONE has issues.
:wally
Huh? I’m a Putz with issues because I won’t just sit here and take it when someone calls me a rude punk? What would you have done in the same situation?
Whatever. Bad form to try and sincerely help you, I guess - it’s clear you don’t want it, even though YOU’RE the one who posted your predicament for all the world to see.
Good luck with that, and I mean that in all seriousness.
Feel free to let it go anytime now.