Is it true?
Nice guys don’t finish last; Pushovers, fools, and lazy folk do.
You CAN be successfull AND nice. In theory, at least…
It’s not inevitable that nice guys finish last, but you have to define the goal and decide if there is a difference between win and succeed. You can succeed and be nice at the same time, but if you want to win, you will have to dispense with offering advice and assistance to your opponents (i.e. some of your “niceness”) and possibly put up obstacles or use tactics to impede your opponents. This isn’t necessarily cheating, since many games involve trying to block your opponents as defined in the rules, but if your idea of playing a game is not to win, but simply to ensure that everyone has a “good time” then last place is almost certainly in your future.
I’m pretty sure he is talking about the game of love everyone…don’t know why that isn’t obvious. And the answer is…
Good guys always finish last. Always, always always. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and a fool.
That would (in love) be true, but as people age niceness becomes more important.
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.
Consider the arena of love. Some women will vehemently deny that women go for jerks. Others will grudgingly admit that women do sometimes go for jerks. I’ve even known some women who admit that they have a weakness for the wrong kind of men.
Heck, just look at all the Spike-worship going on in the Buffy threads, if you want to see how people can make excuses for the vile behavior of an attractive person.
I think too often nice gets confused for boring. “Oh, you’re just too nice,” is sometimes just a nice way of saying “you’re boring me to death.”
The bad boys are usually pretty exciting, which is, IMO, where the attraction lies. They are always doing unexpected things, or getting into trouble, or doing whatever other adventurous things bad boys do.
However, it is possible to be both nice, and non-boring.
A more accurate statement, if you asked me, would be to say “Nice, comfortable guys who tend to not look for any variety or excitement in their lifes sometimes finish last.” And then sometimes, these nice guys who seem to never be able to hold a woman’s attention, start to develop self-esteem issues. So then they get a bit clingy as well. A few might even come across as desperate. And the fact that they can’t keep a girlfriend gets blamed on the fact that they’re nice, when it’s really the fact that they don’t want to make any effort to do anything that would catch and hold someone’s interest. I mean, if you can’t entertain yourself, how can you expect me to pay attention to you?
I’ve never dated a “jerk” or anyone that I would say exhibited “vile behaviour.” I have dated several nice guys. One suffered from a complete lack of motivation to improve his life or accomplish anything, he just kind of “was.” The other was very emotionally needy, clingy, and turned to alcohol for his depression. He treated me very well, but he was boring. One guy dumped me, but if he hadn’t I would’ve eventually dumped him for the same reason as #1.
My current SO of 2+ years is a very nice, considerate fellow, but he also likes to try new things, go new places, and is constantly learning and doing things… which is the reason I still love him as much as I do.
You just gotta look at the big picture, y’know?
Nice guys unwilling to be BAD*** MOTHER****** finish last. People able to be un-nice when the situation calls for it do OK.
Doesn’t the first statement preclude the second?
Love is, as they say, blind. Ask me.
Well, he is quite a looker, which certainly helps.
Hmm. Seems to me that if they did, they wouldn’t be nice guys.
That’s not to say that nice guys can’t be assertive or confident. All I mean is that you can’t blame this on their unwillingness to be “BAD*** MOTHER******.”
I always thought of the phrase “nice guys finish last” as coming from a not-nice guy trying to excuse his vile behavior.
Assuming we’re talking about love:
I think overall nice guys do not finish very well in general. Last? No.
Complete and total asshats finish last, followed by complete and total nice guys. After that I think it’s generally bad guys with a nice guy streak (at least nice towards the lady he’s after), then nice guys with a bad boy streak.
shrugs I am a High Priestess at the Alter of The Wonder that is Spike–in all his vileness and evilness. But on the other hand, my husband is by far the nicest, sweetest, most considerate, kind man I have ever met. Every single day I thank my lucky stars that I found him and he found me. He certainly did ont finish last.
I agree with the poster that most self-proclaimed nice guys are usually desperate and clingy and a little self-absorbed–all very unattractive traits. One thing most “bad boys” have in common is that they’re self-confident and interesting. I don’t mind a little insecurity, but I don’t want my SO’s entire self-worth to be tied up in who I am–that’s far too much pressure.
I only ever hear it from guys who like to think that they are “nice guys” and that their niceness is the only thing standing between them and success. “Oh, my life is so hard, I guess it’s true that nice guys finish last, poor me!” In my experience, these guys are always, always complete jerks. The guy I was acquainted with who used the expression the most was a friend’s stalker ex-boyfriend. Perhaps he sincerely believed he was a nice guy, but the reason he “finished last” was because he was freaking psycho.
I know plenty of nice guys in happy, successful relationships. I know several self-proclaimed nice guys who spend considerable time whining and bitching about how women don’t like htem because they are “nice.”
In my experience, the ones who are fixated on their “niceness” are not nice at all–they are passive-aggressive jerks, the sort of people who do “nice” things so that latter they can tell you or themselves"I did the dishes and the laundry and let you pick the TV show and now you won’t even listen to me talk about my rough day!!" or “No, it’s ok that you are going out wiht your girlfriends tonight. I turned down an offer from my friends to go out, myself, because I trhought you’d like to spend a nice quiet evening at home, but you do what you want.” A sizable proportion of the self-proclaimed nice guys I know are the sort of people who are nice becaue they think it should buy them niceness in return. And no person I know likes living with someone who keeps a ledger.
Other self-proclaimed “nice-guys” are “nice-guys” because it’s the only acceptable reason to explain their lack of success with woman. The female equivilant is “I intimidate men with my intelligence”. The fact is, some people are easier matches than others. In my experience, this is because they aren’t picky-and I mean that in a good way. People who have a lot of dating sucess in terms of sheer quanity of people they have dated tend to be people who sincerely enjoy and admire a wide variety of people–they can appriciate the wicked sense of humor on the none-too-bright, really-very-shallow girl at the center of the room, and the amazinging insights of the quiet, none-too-attractive, annoying-voiced girl at the bar, and the incredible skills of the determined athelete with no social skills in the corner. People who are successful with a wide variety of people are people who sincerely appriciate all sorts of others. Frankly, they are pulling from a larger pool than those who wouldn’t date a stupid girl, wouldn’t date an ugly girl, wouldn’t date a girl if they had to go up and talk to her first.
Furthermore, some people enjoy things that lots of other people enjoy, and so find more people they share common ground with. If your passion is for in-depth analysis of literature and for gaming, you’re going to meet fewer people that share your passions than if you are really into network TV and the sorts of music they play on the radio.
Conversely, the self-proclaimed nice guy is never able to admit that a girl is with a “jerk” for any reason other than the fact that she “must like being treated like shit”. The fact is, no one sees all of a relationship except for the people in it, and even their view is clouded. For all oyu know, that “jerk” is the most incredible lay she’s ever had, or lets her get away with being a bitch in private, or a million other things. On a related note, self-proclaimed nice-guys always seem ready to label other guys as “jerks” based on very little evidense: all they see of hte relatoinship is what they overhear on the phone one cubicle over, and they think they know everything.
Lastly, self-proclaimed nice guys always seem to compare themselves with “players”–i.e., the people they notice are the guys at the bar that are there with a different girl each week. The bar itself is a biassed sample: the only people there are the people that are still looking. I mean, the guy you know is a jerk is there with a different woman every week because while he may be good at picking up women, he can’t keep them. In my experience, real nice guys tend to settle into stable relationships fairly early in life, and so you don’t see them on the scene.
The nice guy always makes sure his woman finishes before he does.
Do people still use that term?