Let’s say you’re in a nightclub and you hit it off with someone. A little dancing, a little drinking, a little conversation. At some point you suggest that you should get together and you exchange phone numbers/email addrs. At this point most people’s goal has been achieved unless you’re going to do the your place or mine thing.
My question is do you spend more time together or do you rejoin your friends?
I’m fairly sure there is no hard and fast rule. After making contact everything thing depends on chemistry and physics. If it feels right, stay with her; if she looked to be having a great time with her mates, but is obviously interested, back off and give her space. Everything depends on the circumstances.
You left out the blowjob in the bathroom option.
Also, with the scenario you described, you are likely not going to end up with a number (at least not her real one) or probably one or both of you will never have any interest in seeing the other again.
According to modern pickup theory, the evening should probably go something like this:
You show up to the club with your friends. Probably buy a few rounds of drinks, talk and laugh amongst yourselves and demonstrate that you are a bunch of cool, fun, approachable guys. While you are scoping out the place trying to figure out who to talk to and who is with other people, people are scoping out you.
At some point, guys in the group typically start to go off on their own in ones and twos (depending on if they prefer to operate solo or with a wingman) to get drinks, use the bathroom, dance, explore the club and strike up conversations with people and so on.
Ok, so now you have struck up a conversation with a girl and things are going well. You should dance or talk for a bit until you have established a rapport. I avoid offering to buy drinks for two reasons. One, you don’t want to give her a creepy “I’m trying to get you drunk” vibe. And two, you are not looking to establish yourself as someone who needs to purchase affection and attention.
What you should do next, is ask her to introduce you to her friends (the ones at the club obviously). A girl’s friends will tend to get wary if a guy steals her away to hang out with a pack of dudes. You want to demonstrate to her friends that you are a swell, trustworthy guy.
Once you seem to have a good rapport with the friends, invite all her friends to meet all of your friends. Now a couple of things might happen here. Her friends and your friends might couple off. Or they might awkwardly stare at each other. Or some combination of the two. You might even get to a point where all of you are having a great time and it turns out you and a different girl in the group actually hit it off better than the girl you initially met.
Once you have locked in on the girl of interest, as a general rule, you are stuck with each other until one of you decides to leave the bar. Think about it. If you take someone’s number and continue to party, it sends a strong message that you are just collecting digits and not really that interested. Unless your friends are idiots, they will understand and should be supportive.
At some point, either your friends or her friends may decide to leave the club. This is the time to exchange numbers if you are interested in seeing each other again. If your friends are leaving, you might even want to invite her friends to come with you to the next club or late night diner or whatever. If she is leaving with her friends, don’t invite yourself along unless asked. People are generally stuck with the people who drove them there so take this into account. If she stays behind while her friends take off, that is a very good sign.
Hmm… I guess I’ve been out of the club scene for too long. Either that, or the clubs I went to sucked.
There is clearly a gay vs. straight discrepancy.
LOL!
@mrsmith537
Wow, you’re a real student of the game! I’ve done the rejoin my friends thing and the rest of the night was awkward. You can’t hit on anyone else and you don’t wanna appear desperate by clinging on the whole night.
I’m all behind **msmith537 **except for this part. Ask her to introduce you to her friends? “Hey, baby, let’s have a group thing!” Who cares what her idiot friends think? If you have the girl to yourself, it’s up to you, and the others will just slow you down. Besides that, if you have been there a while, and their friends haven’t already latched onto some kind of action, they probably aren’t all that hot anyway!
Invite her to meet your friends? Ha! All of my friends are predators, and if they couldn’t steal the girl away from me, they would either, by craft or stupidity, sabotage my performance.
The introductions should happen naturally. If this is THE ONE, introduce her to your close buddies. Don’t plan on introducing anyone.
Otherwise,
Carry on,
hh
Personally, when I did the clubing thing, I never aproached a girl by herself. I always targeted them in groups of two or more.
It’s a lot less threatening for the girls and it shows them you’re a confident guy.
Also, I used to be a little arrogant back in those days. I was pretty much convinced that half the women on this planet were in love with me. So if I approached a group of two or more; it’s almost impossible that NONE of them would like me.
A numbers game basically.
But yeah, I didn’t start asking for numbers until last call or I find out we aint’ doing the your place or mine thing.
First of all, you don’t say something stupid and asinine like “let’s do a group thing”. At some point she will probably need to go back to her friends or her friends will come looking for her. So when that happens, you want to win them over so they are like “oh! Whose this guy?” not “oh…whose this guy?”:dubious:
Also, chances are your idiot friends will only approach the one girl who you happened to already be talking to. So if you can get her friends to meet your friends, at the very least it gets them off your back.
I agree it should happen naturally. If you are having a private moment, no need to disrupt. Just have it in the back of your mind that at some point, either your friends or her friends are probably going to come looking.
I remember reading in some psychology magazine that the irrational “ever girl thinks I’m a stud” attitude, despite being irrational, actually helps. They made it sound like it was an amazing discovery.
It’s quite simple really. If you go around talking up girls as if you think you are the biggest stud in the world, eventually one of them will prove you right. If you think women find you ugly and unattractive and therefore don’t put yourself out there, you probably won’t meet anyone. It’s better to have a 10% succcess rate with 100 tries than a 100% success rate with zero tries.
One thing I’ve learned is if you are evaluating an action on a scale of creepy-conservative, err a bit on the ‘creepy’ side (here me out…) because being gutsy and a risk-taker seems to impress women more on average in these situations. The tricky thing about it is it doesn’t seem like it would work- especially if a woman utterly rejects you. But the guys I’ve been around that came off as confident and successful around women tended to do ballsy stuff that I would have assumed gotten myself slapped. There were times that they crashed and burned but they played the average and were successful, while just being cordial and friendly might get cordial and friendly back, but not quite ‘I like that guy’. At least in my experience.
The opposite of creepy is not conservative. It’s “not creepy”. You can be brash and arrogant and charmingly obnoxious without being creepy. By “creepy” I generally mean giving off a sort of “ick” vibe that just turns people off. Often it’s caused by being disingenuous or phoney. Or there is something about you that is a non sequitor. I would agree that being ballsy is better than being polite. Ballsy is honest. The girl might be taken aback by that honesty, but at least she will respect it. Polite is dull and can actually come across as creepy if it seems like you are feigning interest.
Here’s an example:
Walking up to a strange girl, telling her how pretty she looks and asking her out on a date - ballsy.
Following the same girl around all night after her body language indicates she isn’t interest - creepy.
Usually I always got a feel for whether or not she wanted to hook up that night, have me call her later, or wanted me to leave her the hell alone.
She would drop hints like: “Wow, I’m so tired, I have to be at work at 5am!” “We have to leave soon because I have to help (friends name) with (friends urgent project)”
or better
“I’m just enjoying life. No kids. No boyfriend and I don’t have to be back to work until (days from now)” means you are going home with her.
Most of the time if people listen they can pick up on these subtle clues…