Having noticed a recent surge of insults involving the command to “lick my balls,” it occurs to me that it really isn’t something I’d want done to me by someone I don’t trust - much less - desire to tongue my testicles, kiss my ass or diddle my duodenum.
So, for the record, and to cut down on the hoards of people lining up outside my door to lick my balls, I make the following retraction of earlier insults:
[ul]George Bush may not lick my balls.
No one in the GOP may lick my balls, including the spouses of Republicans, especially Maria Shriver.
Saddam Hussein may not lick my balls.
Dick Cheney may not lick my balls, he can, however, ram an oil derrick up his undisclosed location.
The legally blind, elderly driver who nearly collided with my car when he veered into my lane attempting to pass another car, may not lick my balls; he’d only miss and deep-throat the handbrake.
My cats, who continually leave mouse butts on my walkway, may not lick my balls. They are allowed to continue licking their own balls.
Jack Chick can lick my balls, but only because he’ll go to hell because of it.[/ul]
Those who still wish to lick my balls must send a written request to LMB, c/o SDMB. Ten finalists will be selected to demonstrate their ball-licking skills on national television, to be judged by Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell on “America Idolizes My Balls.”
