All of mine come from Ralph Wiggum:
“He’s gonna smell like hot dogs.”
“Sleep! that’s where I’m a viking!”
“Tastes like…burning.”
And, my all-time fave…
“I sleep in a drawer.”
That was actually Kearney’s son, though the voice was the same as Ralph’s.
I may not have this verbatim…
Shelbyville Kid: We’ll put up a sign that says “Springfield Sucks”. That way, when they see the sign, they’ll realize…they suck!
On a Halloween Special, the “King Homer” (King Kong parody) episode. King Homer has broken loose and is destroying the city. Mr. Burns to Marge in the hotel room, “I’m dreading the reviews, I’ll tell you that much.”
That’s the ending to the loverly song:
Cletus, the Slack-Joweled Yokel
Most folk’ll never eat a skunk,
But then again some folk’ll,
Like Cletus the Slack Joweled Yokel.
Cletus: (holds a pair of boots up to his girlfriend) Hey Brandine, you might could wear these, to your job interview.
Brandine: And scuff up the topless dancing runway? Naw, you best bring 'em back wherefrom you got 'em
Cletus: Back you go! To wait for a woman of less discriminating tastes.
Most folk’ll never lose a toe,
But then again some folk’ll,
Like Cletus the Slack Joweled Yokel.
Cletus (atop a telephone pole): Hey, I could call my ma while I’m up here… HEY MA, GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!
In the Prisoner parody, Bart’s reading mags at Apu’s store and hears noises. He discovers Apu bound and gagged and mmphing furiously with his eyes blazing. Bart takes Apu’s gag off and Apu immediately cries, “Young man, what are you doing reading those, do you think this is a library?”
In the Chief Wiggum Private Eye spinoff, Skinny Boy tells Wiggum after he was attacked by an alligator that was spirited into his bedroom: “That was a warning gator. See, his teeth are corked.”
Mrs. Krabapple (watching a school sex ed film): “She’s faking it.”
Brandine: You shouldn’t be a kissin’ me in front of my parents.
Cletus: Now be fair, theys my parents too.
That whole sequence is awesome. “And they never ruined their fun by giving in to their throbbing biological urges…”
A few from Homer’s “find a soulmate” episode:
Moe: “I’m more of a well-wisher, in that I don’t wish you any particular harm.”
Earlier, as Homer eats the Guatemalen insanity peppers:
Dr Hibbard: “By all medical logic smoke should be coming from his ears.”
Krusty: “His ears if we’re LUCKY!”
I don’t recall the exact quote, and I can’t recall the character’s name (he’s the hick in the shack with dozens of childrens). He was caught in the outhouse when a fountain of garbage burst through. This was the episode where Homer attempts to hide the growing pile of garbage underneath Springfield. His plan is foiled when the garbage starts to erupt from the ground.
“Mah stankbone broke!”
I know. Not really funny out of context, but my friend and I sometimes quote it to make each other laugh.
Parallel to this:
Cletus holds up a shirt to Brandine, and says she could wear it to work.
Brandine: Cletus, you know I gots to wear the shirt what Dairy Queen give me.
And, one of my favroites: “Vote Quimby!” I love it because it’s so randomly placed. For example, after Quimby and his date mistakenly open the door to Marge’s hotel room (after she leaves Homer because he kept the gun).
From the “angel” episode:
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, use the amnesia ray!"
Smithers: "You mean the revolver, sir?"
Apu, from the episode where he was dating:
"All Kwik-E-Mart managers are required to be skilled in the deadly arts."
Mr. Burns, from the “who killed Burns?” episode:
"I still have one enemy remaining... an enemy who continues to mock me by providing FREE light, heat, and energy... I call this enemy: the sun!"
"Since the dawn of time, Smithers, mankind has dreamed of destroying the sun!"
Hank Scorpio, from the “Goldfinger” parody:
"Homer, if you want to kill somebody on your way out, it'd help me a lot!"Fat Tony, upon giving Apu his new citizenship papers:
"Can the courtesy! You're an American now!"One of the lines from the “Homer finds a soulmate” has found a lot of use in our household:
“If it’s about the insanity peppers, I’m WAAAY ahead of you!”
Must … finish … KidCharlemagne’s … joke … Can’t … resist… punchline …
Waiter: Right away sir! Lobster, stuffed with tacos.
Whoops, never mind. Seems I’m way behind here.
Hans Moleman: You’ve stolen five minutes of my life and I want them baaaaaaack! … Oh, I’d only waste them anyway.
Burns runs for election:
“This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election! And yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to prison! That’s democracy for you.”
FISH
Smithers, replying to Burns’s tirade: “You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.”
“Thank you, Smithers, for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward.” -Mr. Burns
“You’re the real lord of the dance, Homer.” -Bono
“You kissed a girl? Dude, that is so GAY!” -Jimbo (upon hearing that Nelson kissed Lisa)
Mr. Burns on raft back to Florida: “If it’s a crime to love your country, well, I’m guilty of that. And if it’s a crime to steal one trillion dollars from the government and give it to communist Cuba, I’m guilty of that. And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, so help me I’ll soon be guilty of that too!”