My response to the OP is this…
I didn’t get married until late 20’s…and like another poster lived in an area where there wasn’t many women and they usually had multiple kids even by their early 20’s. To meet a woman that only had ONE kid was like hitting gold!
So, I didn’t really have a choice.
When I moved to a larger city I was dating someone…and getting serious but I also dated around. I couldn’t help it. I finally had some SUPPLY man…plus I wasn’t a teacher anymore and so had that woman-repellant off my back.
However, I was used to dating women with kids and didn’t give it much thought so dated them.
My thoughts…
If you want sexual relationship - go for it. However, if you are interested in getting married someday and/or starting your own family with someone…just say no to women with kids. Other men’s kids will NEVER be your own. They already have a dad. You may be accepted by the kid(s) and even be chummy…but you will never be their dad.
However, you will be expected to put the most resources to support them. The child support the kid(s) father supplies is laughably small/inadequate. YOU will be expected to put forth all the resources needed and you will not really get kudos from anyone for it. Do you expect to send your kids to a good college and sacrifice much to do so but not do it for the other man’s kids? Think again! Signs of favoritism will be searched for endlessly by everyone and will be found where not existing…and if you actually TRY to do favoritism like sacrifice so your kid can go to Harvard it will destroy your family. Biodad will throw in a couple hundred bucks for college and be considered a hero.
However, when you are old and your wife died many years ago and you have medical problems…and need to get into a home. Do you think those kids will be there for you - help you get into a place? - Help you get to the doctor? Help you get a nurse?? You are not their dad! Don’t scoff…I am old enough that I have seen this happen to others.
Speaking of wife dying…what about those kids inheritance? Do you think that half your property/possessions will just go to you as a surviving spouse? YOU might think so…but will your wife think so…especially if you two never have kids of your own jointly?
To boil it down…getting serious/marrying a woman with kids is making yourself an appendage to an existing body. You will never feel like it is ‘your’ family. I don’t know about you…but that is not something I want.
As for the argument that a woman with kids more likely to want more kids? Not my experience. Not what I have seen friends/coworkers/family go thorugh who married women with kids.
Just say no. Date them. Have fun, sexual relationships with them. However, if you want to get married/start a family find a woman without kids.
