Wha???
Jamie, you seem like an okay guy with a huge chip on your shoulder. I don’t think I can bring myself to open any more threads you’re starting. Just letting you know…
You come off like one of those angry disabled veterans. Your feelings are valid, but the fact that you broadcast it so often and so totally is very much a turn-off.
You don’t have to care about what I think. But that’s what I think.
Ok thanks for letting me know, and also thanks for letting me know you will not be taking part in any further threads I may be starting. 
Well, this is part of the problem. I would do this for someone in a wheel chair, someone who was pregnant, someone who was on crutches, someone with their hands full, and several other situations.
I don’t do this to be thought of as a hero… I don’t do it to be patronizing… I do it because I want to be helpful and make life a little easier for people. I’m able bodied and I get the door held for me on a regular basis… it is called being nice.
Also, you didn’t help your case about how horrible it is when someone is being patronizing by calling another poster (who I assume you don’t know well) as “my dear.”
Wow, talk about condescending. Being treated like that would certainly piss me off.
I used to work with a guy who suffered from cerebral palsy. He had an odd gate and, because of vision issues and issues with the muscles controlling his eyes, he sometimes looked at things with an odd angle.
Since we worked together closely we got to be good friends. We’d go out to lunch together often and occasionally, since he wasn’t able to drive, I’d help him out with errands. It was during these times that I noticed that many service people (who of course didn’t know him) spoke to him in a tone they’d use for a child. Not only that, they’d speak to him loudly as if they thought that he was hard of hearing.
The man was not the least bit mentally challenged. He had a degree in Information Systems and programmed computers! Yet these people talked to him as if he was mentally challenged.
I don’t know how he did it, but he was always smiling and cheerful in spite of it. He put up with treatment that would have left me constantly pissed off.
I hear you jamiemcgarry. You want to be treated the same way any other adult is treated. It’s not really a lot to ask for, but some people just don’t seem to be able to do even that much.
And these “Angry wheelchair guy” accusations seem to be flying in, left and right. I would like to get a firm grasp on what people mean by this, so could anyone point to a post of mine (within this thread since many of the accusations have come in this very thread) which captures this mentality?
I think other people are expecting Jamie to always be polite, understanding, cut others slack, etc. ALWAYS. You know what? He’s human - and that’s asking him to be a saint. That’s the other thing, people are always demanding that the disabled be saints, or hold them up as “inspirational” or encourage them to “keep fighting”… but never allow them a day off or allow them to get cranky about anything.
Think some of you are focusing too much on that one specific incident. It’s not about the ONE incident, it’s about Jamie having to deal with that sort of attitude and treatment every single day without end. FOREVER. And you’re surprised he occasionally gets pissy about it? Really?
That said - yes, Jamie could be handling himself better in some situations… but that has nothing to do with the wheelchair. I would expect that he’d still be “Angry Young Man” even if were still able-bodied, it’s his personality. A little more tact and diplomacy would go a long way in letting him get his message across but with less emotional fireworks on both sides.
And another aspect to the “good samaritan” who races to get the door for the disabled person (one that I touched on in another story) is the tendency for people to IGNORE the wishes of the disabled person for whom they are offering help and go ahead and give that help even if it has been explicitly declined. This happens ALL THE TIME. “Hey, you need me to get that for ya?” “No, please, it’s ok, thank you.” “Oh, don’t be silly, here ya go.” Or they may not even acknowledge my words at all and just continue on as if I hadn’t said anything at all. I think this is partly related to a view some have of the disabled that “they will appreciate the help even if they are too proud to admit it” or “they are just declining to be polite but they really would like me to do this for them”. These are probably the most offensive scenarios of all.
Maybe this is just a difference in where we are from, but I hold the door for anyone… male or female, my boss or the janitor, someone in a wheel chair or not. As often as not someone holds the door for me. It is just common courtesy where I come from so maybe you shouldn’t be offended when the other person may not be taking your wheel chair into consideration at all when doing what they perceive as an act of kindness to another human being.
Yes, very well put. Thank you.
Ok, I have made extensive effort to distinguish between “common courtesy” acts of holding the door for someone, as when as person is behind another coming through a doorway that door is held by the person in front, and the type of patronization that I have issue with. The FORMER is common courtesy, and I have NO issue with doors being held open for me in those everyday situations. I kind of expect that in a civilized society, it’s COMMON COURTESY. That is not similar to the incidents I have been describing at all.
Here is where you completely lack all perspective. People do this for/to non-disabled people, including arguing with them about it all the time. I bet every woman on this board could describe hundreds of incidents of this very interaction. Some people just feel there is a certain right way to act, and not acting that way says something very negative about themselves so they will go to a quite ridiculous length to do the “right thing.” They are never going to stop, neither do their actions reflect in any way an attitude towards the disabled specifically.
So if this is the “most offensive” of all scenarios relating to your disability, well, welcome to the human race, it has nothing to do with your disability. Most women find it slightly to somewhat offensive, by the way. The part where you find it offensive is not lacking perspective. The part where you think this is a Speshul Disability Wrong, is.
One thing that I take particular enjoyment from is when I am approaching a doorway and there is a person coming up to the door behind me, I grab the door and, rather than just scoot myself through the door I will roll back with the door in my hand, holding it open for the person behind me. OMG, the reactions are priceless! I have a wide, nice smile on my face and I say, “Here you go”. MANY times, people simply will NOT be able to accept this. They actually attempt to take the door from me, so they can hold it for me!? I AM THE ONE HOLDING IT FOR YOU! :smack: Just accept the courtesy and go through the door. It’s common courtesy. That’s not the most common reaction though. Usually, people sputter for a moment, not knowing what to say or do, then they say “Well THANK YOU” with an amazed look on their faces.
Um, pretty much all of them?
“So if this is the “most offensive” of all scenarios relating to your disability”…Way to misread what I wrote. I was describing the “most offensive” of all the patronizing door-opening situations. Not the most offensive thing relating to my disability. And I strenuously disagree that woman regularly have their wishes blatantly disregarded in relation to this story and doors being unneccessarily being held open for them. You mean you regularly decline mens offers to get a door for you and these men will persist despite what you say? In all my years I’ve never heard another woman echo those sentiments. I’ve heard scores of disabled folks do so.
Ok, so you have no real response. I would love for someone to actually point something out though.
This. 100%.
It’s not that the guy wasn’t an idiot or patronizing it’s that the guy would be a patronizing idiot even if you weren’t in a wheelchair. It might be something you say or something you’re wearing or something another person says to you that sets him off but it would be something.
Wait…you’re asking for assistance here?
I’m really wondering who among the people taking jamie to task for his way of approaching the attitudes he faces are disabled themselves. If not, you’re telling him how to do something he has much more experienced at (be disabled, and live in the world as a disabled person) than you, and how he should feel about something you have no experience of.
It’s almost as entertaining when straight cis people try to tell me how to conduct the queer rights movement.
I’m afraid it is more common than you believe. I’ve had “arguments” many times over who should hold the door for the other. It was even an on going bit on old Chip and Dale (I think) cartoons with the “After you… no you first… I insist… no really… etc.”