I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, Mithrander. Please go to the police and do what you can to help a child a that possibly needs it right now.
[non-mod]Mithrander, I’m sorry you’re going through this – dealing with the suicide of someone you care about is rough as hell, leaving aside the fact that you found the body and that there’s all this other stuff about pedophilia muddying the waters. I strongly encourage you to find a therapist or some other objective listener to talk to about this. Doesn’t mean you’re crazy, just means you’ve had a horrible experience that you need to process. [non-mod]
[mod]And since all kinds of people are offering all kinds of advice, opinions, and commentary, I’m going to move this from MPSIMS to IMHO.[/mod]
[non-mod]Hang in there![/non-mod]
twicks
If he harmed a child, it will certainly not be the “end of it” for that child.
I agree with the advice to let the police know about it.
And I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Pedophilia must be a terrible disorder to live with. I hope his “crossing the line” meant only that he was making arrangements to meet a child, not that he actually abused one.
Without giving any explanation or acknowledgment to a friend? That would be better?
And if it turns out that he did molest a kid, that you had information about that and didn’t pass it on the the police. How do you think that will look to the court? What will your wife’s lawyer do with that?
Pass the email on the the cops, let them know what you think it might mean and then concentrate on getting yourself sorted out.
You are in a tough spot, but in the end, you need to do the right thing. And that means telling the police about the email. As said, if he did do something, that child needs help.
I wonder if you could report it anonymously somehow?
Can’t get this situation out of my head. Got what needed to be done and left work early. My boss was a bit put out until I had a bit of a meltdown, and the number two gal took my boss out on the carpet for me. That was by far the most awesome thing I’ve seen today, and I’ll take all the little moments I can right now.
If I believed that, I would have told them from the beginning. However, sadly, I don’t. They would have only my word that it was only him downloading that shit, and I’ve lived there in the past. Hell, that internet bill was in my name at one point. I know all the passwords, and I don’t trust the cops, even one little bit, to not try to tie me into all of this.
And if they do, then my currently almost friendly divorce will turn into a fucking nightmare. My soon-to-be-ex (who hated Dave so, so much) will get full custody, and if I’m lucky I’ll get supervised visits with my kids.
And that’s the real bitch about it all. He absolutely would want me to do whatever I needed to fix this. Hearing the same thing from all of you just makes me more sure that I need to do something.
The best compromise I can think of at this point is to first check out his computer. I checked with his sister, it’s still there. I was half expecting the cops to take it away given his history. I’m not even sure if there will be anything on it. But if there are any answers for me, that feels like where I’ll find them.
And if there isn’t … well I’ll deal with that one tomorrow and sober. I suspect I’ll forward that email to the email address on the cops card and try and say as little as possible. At least I hope I’ll have to balls to do that.
On that note, I’m off to meet up with his sister and we’re getting royally shit-faced. I’m not usually much of a drinker, but tonight I feel a powerful thirst. But I can’t leave without one last big thank you to everyone whose replied. When I started the OP, my head was spinning in 1000 directions. It’s still spinning, but at least now I know what I need to do. Thank you all.
I have no advice or wise words for you, I’m afraid. But I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the sorrow and turmoil you’re in - I wouldn’t wish that sort of pain on anyone. Be good to yourself while you sort through all this.
What in the world do you have to gain from messing with his computer?
Pardon my paranoia, but if you’re already concerned about getting involved with the police, it seems to me like the very last thing you want to be doing right now is putting more of your mark on his computer by poking around on it. That’s just going to raise more questions and suspicion potentially aimed at you.
I’m gonna have to agree that getting onto his computer now is going to look suspicious. I’m not sure, but would it be worth it to get the services of a lawyer before you go to the police? To cover your ass, so to speak.
I’m sorry you’re in such pain.
As for opening the door, yes, it was horrible. But, had he been alive when you got there, and you did not go in, you’d feel much worse.
Do not go directly to the police with your suspicions. Consult a lawyer first!
Best of luck.
Have fun in prison!
Here I am. But I really don’t think you need an attorney, unless you suspect that it was a homicide.
But if you need some quick info, the least I can do is offer some free advice.
:dubious:
An answer. What changed things so fast? I spoke to him weekend before last, and didn’t get any weird vibes at all. Something happened in that last week, and I want … no I NEED to know what happened. This guy practically lived on his computer, if there are any answers at all, that’s where they will be.
I’m not worried about leaving my marks on it, they’re already there. Like I said, I’ve done tech support on that machine recently, and I have an admin account with my name on it at the login screen. Also, that computer uses heavy encryption, one needs a 28 character complex password to get onto it at all. Without that password, which now only I know, no one is looking on that machine.
That’s not the part that scares me. What I may find on there, that scares me. But right now my need to know is stronger than my fear of being sickened/grossed out.
Are you afraid that you will find out that your friend did in fact act out his fantasy.
Maybe that’s why he committed suicide. If you are worried about that, it’s better not to know. That way you will continue to cherish his memory.
You won’t take any steps to potentially help a child because you fear legal consequences, but you’ll risk implicating yourself to satisfy morbid curiosity? Nice.
Sorry for the loss of your friend, but your self-serving, bullshit reasons for inaction aren’t compelling on their own, and are even less so when you’re willing to put yourself on the line and go through his ridiculously over-secured computer looking for " information" that is more appropriate for the police to review because they can actually help if help is required.
I would look for that child’s parents and tell them about Dave. Put his death to some good use.
IANAL (and never regretted it)!
DON’T touch the computer! It’s evidence now, and you shouldn’t be messing with it.
DO share everything you know – with a LAWYER first! What Toucanna said a few posts above.
Some words with a therapist would probably also help you, to recover some of your own peace of mind, as twickster suggested.