Wasn’t actually there yet, having a lovely affectionate moment that could have led to sex when a candle heated something paper near it and caught a few envelopes and papers on fire.
I tried to tell her she was sooo hot that I needed to remove her clothes before they caught too but she didn’t go for it
Next…
Falling off
A woman I was dating who had never experienced the female superior position let alone a massive orgasm while in such a position. She lost her balance and smacked her head against the wall. Didn’t really hurt her but she had a little bump and was totally embarassed.
Last but far from least…
Back in my wild and crazy net dating days I had a few dates that went pretty wild and crazy. This particular one ended up in my bed on the first date. In the middle of a great session of wild monkey sex she yells “CUM IN ME AND GIVE ME YOUR BABY!”
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Not in a normal voice, not a heat of passion voice, we are talking battle cry. I wouldn’t have been less freaked out if she painted herself blue and swung a claymore around yelling “SCOTLAND WILL BE FREE!”
I already have 3 kids and had told her during internet chats that I was not interested in having any more children. I performed neither of her demands. I lost my erection over about the next 5 seconds and insisted I had mastered retrograde ejaculation. I never called her back again.
Imagine a young, teenage couple, getting all hot and heavy in the backseat of a car parked on a lonely roadside. It’s late at night, and the woods on either side of the car are dark as can be – there’s just starlight, and a dim, low-hanging quarter moon that you can’t even see because of the trees.
Things progress to the point where clothes are being removed, when “Zap, zap, crackle, zap”; mysterious white-blue sparks light up the car.
Add static electricity to the list of mood-killers.
Of course, being teenagers, and half-naked, the mood wasn’t killed for long. But talk about heart failure!
Or worse yet, a young couple boinking in the front seat, only to run off the road, strike a mailbox then a telephone pole & end up with a dented windshield with hair entwined in the broken glass
Hotel Security and Police Kicking in the door. It was the WRONG door, but still, the sight of a half a dozen tactical officers with light-sighted weapons, screaming and carrying on, will take the lead out of a fellas pencil right now.
Sherman, set the wayback machine for 1985…holding the ex-gf’s head under water in the hot tub while Dad comes out to see what is going on.
I mean, it didn’t affect my mood but it sure killed hers.
“You know, Matt, I really think I like girls more.”
“AUGH! FUCK THAT HURTS!” [I was *blowing gently* on his nipple, for Og’s sake.]
“Holy shit, you’re bleeding!” [Not what you might think. Ropes… chafing… sensitive bits… get the picture? :eek:]
“AAA FUCK LIGHTS DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE”
“Uh… Hi… dad! DON’T COME IN. I’m just… taking a bath. Matt… went out … shopping.” [this is me talking. yes, I was doing it with a guy named Matt - one of my exes.]
“Oh, I never use condoms. You don’t know what you’re missing!”
Her having a cardiac episode. Seriously. She has a heart condition, and mid-coitus, she started having some kind of problem. She said she gest them every few months. I’m unsure of the exact problem, palpatations? Some sort of arrythmia? But in was done in a couple mintes, by but that time, the mood was dead.
Just managed to look innocent-ish when he wandered in and started chatting about Lego or something. After a minute or two, he paused in his rambling and said, “Daddy, why are you panting?”
Daddy said “I was taking a nap and had a dream I was running.”
Heh, I don’t know how to exclude tracks from my iTunes playlist, so I have a few George Carlin routines that come up now and then. Not that I have anything against the guy, but I don’t imagine he would help sustain the mood.
Sadly, you need to actually have sex to have “we were bouncing around on each other, then George Carlin started bitching about Catholics” stories, but I’m working on it.
Worse than that, my best (male) friend in college had a guy die in him. The other guy had finished but didn’t withdraw. My friend assumed the other guy had fallen asleep, so he went to sleep too. In the morning he realized he was in bed with a corpse.
