I’ve lived with 5 men for a year or so each except for the love of my life, with whom I lived for about 7 years, we were together for 10. Engaged for most of that time, never married.
Over my lifetime I’ve had some kind of significant sex with approximately 90 people, 10-12 of whom were female. The vast, vast majority of those encounters were during the first 10 years I was sexually active, 16-26, 1974-1984. Between AIDS and general maturity, I lost interest in meaningless sex.
As I write this, and excepting a one-afternoon stand with an ex-flame in December 2007, January will mark five years since the last time I was sexually intimate with anyone. Not by choice.
As a woman who was sure orgasm during intercourse was impossible until I was 37 years old and learned differently, I have to say that my experience is exactly the opposite. Orgasms from oral or manual stimulation are swell, but the orgasms from intercourse were mind-blowingly spectacular.
Male, 47. Married 18 years. A baker’s dozen of partners for intercourse, maybe 6-7 more for other post-kissing activities stopping shy of doing the deed.
Male, twenty-one. I lost my virginity at sixteen in a threesome, have had two real relationships, and have screwed around/one night standed/slutted with about fifty people.
One relationship lasted about a year, the other one I’ve been in going on a year now, though we started sleeping together before we called it a relationship.
Female, 49. Started at 17. Married now for 16 years, totally faithful. First LTR/marriage lasted a total of 8 years, totally faithful. Before and between these marriages there were: 3 moderately serious relationships, 2 brief FWB situations, and a good handful of travel-inspired flings and alcohol-fueled ONSs. Maybe 16-20 total.
I’d have to estimate ~25 since losing my virginity at 18. Two were long term SOs (9 and 8 years respectively) a handful were one night stands, several short term (less than a year) and a couple of FWB.
Lost my virginity at 16. Since then I’ve had actual sex with 3 people.
If we’re counting other types of sexual activity, the number goes up to 7, as far as I can recall.
ETA: Only one of the people I had sex with was a boyfriend. Another one was a one night stand, the other was a friends with benefits type of situation.
I don’t really know my number because I don’t write these things down and I have a selective memory. Times where the guy got off prematurely don’t count, neither does oral, and neither do times I’d rather forget, lol. So yeah, somewhere between 75 and 100. Not that it requires further explanation, but I was single until I was 32, so I think that’s perfectly reasonable.
However, before we got married I was really concerned that my husband hadn’t sown enough oats. He had gotten married really young to his first wife, and only had about a year between his divorce and meeting me. So, he’s probably only had 5-10 partners, and that’s fine, but I didn’t want him to get married with any regrets so I told him to go sew another oat. He wouldn’t do it, but I was dead serious. Luckily, it’s all worked out fine and turns out he didn’t need to sew that last oat, haha.
I’m not jealous of the numbers, and since I don’t know you I’m not jealous that you’ve had sex with anyone in particular. I am jealous that you (generic you) seem to know something that I don’t; how to communicate, socialize, interact, give out or receive subtle clues, all of which I seem to have no awareness of.
As you’ve said, sex is a journey that doesn’t always arrive at an orgasm - but what a ride! There’s nothing ‘sad’ about sex with someone you’re not in a long term, committed relationship with: the relationship is the sex; what you are both committed to is the sex. Great sex can be had without the proviso of any kind of enduring emotional dependency.
There is no denying that your situation is ideal for you - and that’s great. Keep in mind that we all basically choose what suits us best, and the lifestyles we’re privy to in this thread are the ones ideal to those they belong to.
Ain’t nothin’ ‘sad’ about any of it. ALL of it is a celebration of each of us as sexual beings, however we choose to express that.
If people are only counting P in V or P in A, that drops my number to five. I really enjoy oral though, and as a mostly gay guy, it’s not that hard to get or give a blow job from a new person every few weeks. Really, I’m downright chaste compared to a lot of gay men I know.
The random hookups and fooling around are just a step above masturbating for me. It’s more satisfying than solo, but the real fun has been in my relationships. We have time to get to know each other and learn things and experiment. If you’re just getting together to get off with a virtual stranger, it’s not really the time to break out “Oh, hey, wouldn’t it be fun if you put on this Little Bo Peep outfit and let me spank you with this shepherd’s crook?”
Oh, I still wouldn’t notice. There used to be someone in my circle of friends who hung out with someone who was flamingly gay. Like Men on Film gay. I had no idea.
Got teased about that for a while; eventually came up with the perfect comeback, and got a chance to use it.
What was that comeback, Robot Arm? You know, if someone you find attractive offers to remove that pesky virginity for you, maybe you should consider it. In my opinion, it isn’t an offer of pity or charity; after all, the risks and potential benefits are the same for both you and her. I can see the appeal of ensuring a nice guy’s first experience is a good one, and it’s highly likely that anyone who makes a serious proposition to you is turned on by the idea. It may not arise from true love, or result in true love, but should be a mutually beneficial event either way.
70-something. Lost track right around the time I realllly slowed down. All in all, it’s only 2-3 partners a year. Of course, during most of the last 30 years I’ve been in one relationship or another, so it’s more some really busy years vs. some relationship time. It wasn’t til a few years ago that I actually had a dry spell. :eek: But the percentage of people I’m attracted to has always been low, and yeah, I really need to be hot for someone to go there. And the hotness factor comes with intimacy, generally, so…combine all that with an introverted nature, and my boinking pool is fairly small.
Not that it matters now, as I’m married and can have sex any time I want. :dubious:
All in all, it’s only 2-3 partners a year. Of course, during most of the last 30 years I’ve been in one relationship or another, so it’s more some really busy years vs. some relationship time. It wasn’t til a few years ago that I actually had a dry spell. :eek: But the percentage of people I’m attracted to has always been low, and yeah, I really need to be hot for someone to go there. And the hotness factor comes with intimacy, generally, so…combine all that with an introverted nature, and my boinking pool is fairly small.
:dubious: