Female, 28.
I had oral sex when I was 17 with my then-boyfriend. I convinced myself I loved him but it was totally lust.
My husband is the only person I’ve had intercourse with. We had oral sex pretty early on in our relationship (age 19) but we didn’t have intercourse until we married at age 23.
So I either lost my virginity at 17 or 23, depending on your perspective, have had either one or two partners, again, depending on your perspective.
I am really curious- why don’t you just ask directly, if you are clueless? The worst that can happen would be you being thought socially clumsy, and it appears you already accept that label. It would make it obvious that you are interested if you state that you are interested and ask them if they are. Then things could progress.
As Antinor01 said, why do you need to notice the cues? Just ask the folks you are interested in if they want to get to know each other better or go out with you, or even if they want to have casual sex, if that is what you are interested in? If they say no, they say no, so what?
Your picture is definitely not bad, and I can’t imagine that even if you have a severe case of autism you would be unable to perform in a relationship - if you can have a conversation and you are sexually capable, you can find a way to combine the two if you want.
Shoot- you sound like you are interested, so just answer some craigslist ads, or post one. I can think of a few women I know who would be interested in a male virgin- and I have met several women over the years who specialized in devirginizing males for fun. I wonder how you have somehow missed that type of women.
What’s the deal?
Myself, I have a large enough number to be secure in my sexuality, and also high enough to make my wife uncomfortable, so I shan’t be listing all of them there. I have made lists before, and I always forget one or two, and remember another. Also, excluding or including any mutually performed orgasmic acts will change the numbers…
Be safe, always! And test regularly!
I got called a slut for sleeping with three guys over a calendar year. I still don’t agree as they included the end of one and the beginning of another LTR, but the One night stand in the middle? Due care and responsibilty on both sides.
She counted the number and considered anything over ‘one’ to be the work of a slut. Didn’t stop us being friends.
I agree with the prostitution advice. Sure you don’t want to have a long term relationship with her, but at least knock that new car smell off of your dick so that when it happens with a real partner it won’t be so awkward.
Wow.
Male 35. Married for 8 years.
I think I stopped counting in my mid 20s because it’s not like you get Green Points for each one. I would guess around 25…
Wait, are we using the Clinton definition of sex?
What’s the wow for?
The ‘at least knock that new car smell off of your dick so that when it happens with a real partner it won’t be so awkward.’
We got some couth here, I tells ya.
How utterly curious.
I guess my definition of a “slut” is a woman who actively seeks to screw men who are clearly husbands and partners.
It also makes her a “bitch.”
Technically a “fucking bitch”, I suppose.
A “fucking bitch slut” sounds kind of banal. I think a “slutting bitch fuck” has a strange ring to it that the angry and betrayed may enjoy.
I think there are people who are sluts… people who don’t have enough self-worth to put standards on who they sleep with and who seek out anonymous or close enough sex frequently, and who probably don’t use much if any protection.
That said, I REALLY dislike the use of the word “slut” to refer to someone merely based on how many partners that person has had, or because of the degree of their sex drive. Especially when there is a double standard that it’s ok for men but slutty for women. I hope that the next generation(s) are more liberated and grow past such categorizations.
I’ve told this story here before. Several years ago, there was a woman I worked with who I had a major crush on. I gave her flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to a play. I figured I couldn’t get much more direct than that. She said yes.
Then the next day she sent me an e-mail asking if she could bring a date.
Trust me, my cluelessness is truly off-the-chart.
Age 41, male, straight:
One teenage romance with lots o’ sex.
One one-night-stand.
One friends-with-benefits friendship.
One marriage with 100% fidelity.
That makes four.
Again- I am asking why not turn it up a notch- state that you are romantically interested, directly, and say, directly, “I am really interested in getting to know you romantically, and I would like to take you out on a date, to a play, and see where that leads.”
My stepdad hooked my mom by asking her if he could take her back to her place, give her a massage and see where it led, physically. She said, “Uh, let’s go to coffee, first!”
And they were living together in less than a month.
The next time I’m crushing on someone, I’ll give it a try. I’ve also gotten the direct opposite advice from others; don’t scare them off, try to set up a group thing so they can get to know you first, etc.
So far, neither one has worked. I’ll be hiring a skywriter next.
jtgain has already offered to take you on a prostution rampage.
I have no problem self-labeling as a slut and did so for years. I do take exception to the idea that because I like casual sex I don’t have self worth, standards or use protection.
Self-labeling is different. I’m talking about other people who use it as a slur.
That I can go with. It read to me as a judgement on people who like casual sex but I do apologize for reading something into it that wasn’t intended.
Was that an offer, or just a recommendation?
In either case, it’s not really what I’m looking for. It’s hard to explain why, exactly. This isn’t some scarlet ‘V’ I’m wearing, some albatross around my neck, a chore that I need to get out of the way. At least, I’m trying not to think of it that way. If I did, I think what would make it seem more important to me, and that much harder to get over.
There is much to be said for not scaring people off- but as men get older, the few men who are decent earners and don’t have crazy peversions and baggage like kids and ex wives are few and far between, and the women IME get quite a bit harder to shake off.
It is okay to just be explicit and if they are turned off, you know that it likely wasn’t for you anyway, and you have just negated the need for what would have been wasted wooing anyway.
Good luck! It (virginity) is NOT an albatross, and I was a self-confessed virgin for many years after all my friends took the plunge, and I wasn’t bothered by it. It is, however (sex, I mean) a great addition to life. It is not the end-all be-all, but it is certainly a good spice, not to mention the relationships that grow around it.