First, you did the right thing, however great the pain you’re feeling right now may be. Because even worse would be the pain of lying in bed night after night ten years from now regretting what you didn’t say and wondering about what might have been. You may be hurt but now you know you took the chance.
Tragically, not all love is reciprocated. There’s no more explanation for the lack of love then there is for its presence. So if it turns out that your friend realizes he doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean there’s any blame or fault or even reason to be found. Sometimes these things just happen.
You know your friend better than anyone else here, so I’ll believe you when you say he’s a good person. Which means he’s probably feeling upset about being the cause of a friend’s pain. But beyond that, no one has ever been hurt or offended by someone telling them they’re loved. So while both of you may be saddened by this situation, neither of you has cause for feeling guilty.
Finally, I’ve met you. You’re intelligent, friendly, attractive, open, fun, and all the other things people seek. Most men would be happy to find that a woman like you was in love with them and there is every reason to suppose that many of them would return that love. So if things don’t work out this time, don’t stop trying. Because the worst tragedy of all is when you close yourself off from the possibility of love.
Absolutely no thanks necessary. In all seriousness, I had been meaning to mention that you rock for a while and your OP was just the kick in the pants that I needed.
A couple of current thoughts:
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m very surprised by the number of people who have suggested that you leave IKEA. Believe me, I’m as non-combative and conflict avoidant as anyone, but there are two things that will make me dig my heels in. The first is when I feel compelled to take care of something that is clearly and unambiguously the responsibility of someone else, without any good reason. The second is when someone has more control over my life than is rightfully due to them. That one definitely applies here, but you’ll just have to figure out what’s right for you. At least you have options.
Hmmmmm… I had another really good thought but I’m battling a cold right now and it’s been replaced with “Oh man, does my head ever hurt! I think I’m going to die.” If it returns and seems as interesting and thought-provoking as I remember it being, I’ll drop it off here later.
Oh! I remember. Pure speculation on my part. Not knowing the parties involved I probably shouldn’t hypothesize, but sometimes I just can’t stop myself. My personal opinion is that the Barbie theory seems likely. If that’s the case, then two things. First, he’ll never come clean with you for fear of hurting you. Second, it’s way more his problem than yours.
That’s all I’ve got. For now.
Lowell
P.S. “Life is like a bad margarita made with good tequila.”