http://www.theonion.com/onion3618/teen_abstinence.html
That teen abstinence rally totally rocked!
Maybe it isn’t that he literally was physically sinful, but was lusting in his heart. Who knows what random thoughts run through a man’s mind. Fire? Underpants? Boobs? Just from typing it, I’m feeling a little naughty.
This is further proof that the nicest of women draw nutcases to them like tornados to a trailer park.
Dale, I had honestly never considered that before. Thank you.
Billy, that was very sweet…at least the first part. 
Shit, forget the Church Lady!
Somebody call SavedByJebus!!
LC
From the anti-masturbation site:
**
Yeah, to replace the sperm that’s constantly dying off. It’s a matter of keeping the level constant, not creating a surplus.
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Que? I’m female, and not in the medical field, but I remember health class. Sperm originates in the testes; urine originates (more or less) in the bladder. There’s no traffic between the two.
**
At gunpoint?
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If he has any sperm cells in his urine, it means something’s very very wrong with his equipment.
**
The power of Christ compells ye!
The anti-masturbation site certainly is a joke. The guy who runs it was complaining that he has to tone it down some. He was getting too many e-mails from people who knew it was a joke and not enough from people who believed it was real.
Not sure what you mean. He wanted more people to think it was real and get offended?
Oh, and I don’t think he was necessarily attacking 'Boobs here. I couldn’t load the “My Testimony” part but from the front page he just describes himself as “sexually immoral.” Since Christians believe that having lustful thoughts is the same thing as actually commiting a immoral sexual act, then he needn’t have actually done anything sexually immoral with anyone for him to consider himself a sexually immoral person. He could, and very well may, consider FUB completely blameless.
Actually, I think he wanted more people to think it was real and praise him for it. I got the impression that most people who thought it was real agreed with what he wrote.
Well I still think that what I wrote was funny.
No… no… you’re right actually. I’m sure that now he knows that masturbation causes dimpled chads in Florida, his life is ruined. However can I repay him my venom?
Now what was that phrase involving heat and kitchens? Although I think in this case “kitchen” can be replaced with “mildly heated under-stairs cupboard”.
pan
“You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination.” (Lev 18:22)
I think He insists upon it, hon.
I love the smell of fresh baked woosh in the morning, indeedie do…
Think you may have been the one being wooshed there, andy. Coffee is saying that actually the bible commands women to only kiss women!
No direct link to the SDMB, but one of us did include a link to the SD main page in that guestbook. I bet that’s how our newest witness/troll found us.
Little Bird, did that girl ever get married?
I think that was a coincidence actually, as SBJ has admitted being a troll and moved onto the next message board (incidentally giving us all props in the process for being so calm and rational under provocation).
pan
Well, in that case… 
alright, alright - posting to his guestbook was immature and mean and I’m sort of embarrassed about it today.
Rob, if you read this, I wish you a long and happy life, free of fear of your own body and its impulses. I hope you learn to see human sexuality as a gift, and get to express that gift with someone you love someday. I hope the people who taught you about Jesus taught you more about the loving, tolerant, accepting, life-affirming stuff than about sin, hellfire, and damnation. Sorry if our postings in your guestbook came in a way that was designed more to make us laugh than to make you think.
One or two comments were enough, and then some. It’s still going on, and it’s getting more vicious and blasphemous as it goes.
Knock it off, in the name of all that’s merciful and decent.
Please?