My personal opinion: Don’t go. You are asking for trouble.
And as a personal off-topic aside: I take real offense to the hope-she’s-fat line of thinking. I suppose only thin, beautiful people are deserving of passion. That attitude really, really hurts those of us that have been smacked with an ugly stick. You don’t have to be beauty queen to be a loving, wonderful person, but unfortunately, most men think so.
Um. I would agree with you but amend that to most PEOPLE think so. Fact of life. Lust can and is driven by looks. Noone here is interested in Ms Exotic Flame From the Past’s moral character (except where it ties into Bus Guy’s ability to resist temptation)
I doubt any people here, including myself, meant it as anything but a joke. Plenty of us have succumbed to middle aged er-let’s call it compromise on the attractiveness scale. Better yet, alot of us don’t really agonize about our looks any more-it’s very freeing.
All we were trying to do is reassure MrBG that Mr Happy may not be so happy…not a bad thing.
I vote for go, have a cup of coffee, share stories about times past, catch up on the missing years.
Just don’t forget you can’t go home again. The past is past, over and done.
I think in this situation, there are two options that could be considered “the right thing to do”.
-or-
You know what could happen if you go through with this in a secretive manner. It does seem to me like your wife is a bit insecure but hey, you knew that when you were dating, and you married her anyway. She should be a person you can tell anything to, not someone that you have to hide things from. Just be careful and try not to hurt anyone. And remember, YOU could be the one getting hurt also!
Applause!
IMHO, outstanding advice, and nothing more to consider.
Do you love your wife?
Do you love your kid?
Can you imagine where this could lead?
Would it be worth losing your family; or at the very least damaging it?
Is your sense of integrity fully developed?
What would your wife feel?
Is it worth putting her through that type of pain?
How would you feel if she trifled with an old flame?
There is no Mr. Happy. You are Mr. Happy. In the years that have followed, you’ve made a good life and married a woman that you love, and who loves you.
don’t screw that up.
Buck up. Get control of your “vessel.” Put Mr. Happy in check. No coffee. No Lunch.
No long phone conversations.
NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS MEETING
Pardon me, Mr. Bus Guy, but the time frame you lay out in your OP suggests you are far too old to be pussyfooting around in this fashion.
There are only two reasons to meet face to face with this person:
a) You simply want to catch up.
b) You want to see if there’s still a spark there.
If you just want to catch up, then the solution is simple. You are both adults with families: invite her and her children to spend an afternoon with you and your family, as a welcome-back-to-the-neighborhood gesture. A private coffee in this instance will just confuse the issue.
If you want to see if the spark is still there, make sure the coffee shop is next to a rent-by-the-hour motel, and if it feels as good as you hoped it would, swing by the lawyer’s office for the divorce papers on the way home, you’ll save precious gas.
Seriously, unless you want an end to your current marriage, consider your private business with Susan to have been finished all those years ago. She didn’t respect her own marriage, by your own account, she is certainly not going to respect yours for you.
Rotsa Ruck.
Here’s how I see it.
Plan A) The easiest option. Do not go, but tell your wife about the phone call, and that you wanted to meet for, but could not because of your feelings for her (your wife). If Mrs. Bus Guy grants you permission, bring her along and all should be well.
Plan B) The not so easy option. Do not go, but say nothing to wife. Next time you talk to Susan, tell her thanks for the memories, but no go on meeting together. Tell her about the ribs incident. I do not see that as a realistic option though.
Plan C) Meet Susan for coffee, but
Plan D) On preview
This is a good plan. If you feel you must catch up with her, this is probably the only safe way to do so.
Plan E) Ummm, there is no plan E.
AP
This is what I was going to come in and say. Really, everything scotandrsn said echoes my thoughts exactly (time to get out the tinfoil hat; apparently **they **are reading my thoughts.)
So add me as another vote of “Don’t Go.”
Mr Bus Guy, if you go out for coffee with this woman and don’t tell your wife, you have already cheated. You are planning to go on a date! If your wife was fully aware, then you’d be going for coffee. Her not knowing means its a clandestined meeting.
Either tell your wife, or don’t go. You don’t have to take your wife along, but YOU MUST TELL HER !, otherwise, you’ve lied by omission.
How far behind can a hotel room be?
Don’t jeopardize what you know is good and right, for a dusty, old fantasy.
Yes, but we’re having some reception trouble lately . Listen, could you save me a drive and reach out your window and turn a small metallic box with cryptic markings that you’ll find just under your sill about 2.5 degrees upward? Don’t bother opening it or getting paranoid about it or anything, we’ll just remotely erase all memory of your actions before bedtime.
Thanks loads.
Don’t do it. The fact that you are considering it means you are at least halfway there.
Nothing good can come from it.
I’ve been married 25 years. Sometimes I think I might pine after one of my prior loves if I had the chance.
I say, go. Tell your wife. Invite your wife, even. But go ahead and meet her. See her IN REAL LIFE with all her flaws in high relief from the blinding flourescent lights of the coffee shop.
Listen to the boring, banal conversation the two of you have about kids, good schools, property taxes and the long commute to your jobs.
Be sure and get a look at the beat up minivan she drives, with the fast food wrappers on the floor.
Walk down memory lane and realize that it’s only memories and 22 years of “what-if.”
Then get back to your life and your wife.
Ah, what a thing to jump back in posting for. But it’s not like I could stay away.
Anyhow, Mr Bus Guy, I was in your shoes. Well, to the extent that I’d moved on and really, honestly, truly believed that all I wanted out of my ex (or ‘first love’ – gag – would be more accurate) was to catch up on what had happened in the past 20 years.
To say I was in over my head would be a massive understatement. He certainly had much different ideas than I did.
And guess what? I screwed up BIG time. No matter the arrangement, I hurt the person I love most in the world over someone who wouldn’t be more concern than gum you scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
It will only end badly, if you proceed. I refused, apparently, to look at the ember that still burned in my heart and it got my ass handed to me. If I could do it over, I’d realize that he was just a little too persistent to see me again and I should have gotten a clue when he mentioned all the problems he had with his wife. Yeah, I know.
So, add me to the list of those that say don’t do it. Unless Susan is willing to come to your place for dinner, I can’t imagine that her motives are above reproach. Because, if your in denial like I was, it just isn’t worth the risk (and my marriage had already basically been over forever). 
Lastly, if you have any questions for someone who has been there and printed out a Wal-Mart worth of t-shirts, email me. It’s in my profile and if I can prevent anyone from creating the hell that I did, I’d be more than happy to explain further.
Good luck.
I find all these "don’t do it"s very strange indeed.
Who wouldn’t want to see an old friend/flame?
Think of it like a HS reunion–where quite a few people see old flames etc.
Coffee !=sex. (hope I did that right, I mean does not equal)
Yes, Mrs should know about it–and if Mrs has any clue at all–she should let her husband go.
It would be nice if he could come back from coffee and kiss his wife and say something really nice like, I am the luckiest man in the world because I have you.
And that should be the end of it. He can’t trust his Mr Happy enough to have coffee with a woman? Nonsense and then some.
I know my marriage is shit and all, but I doubt that I am the only person out there who fantasizes about fill in the blank. I would love to see my old college flame–he is happily married with two kids. He meant alot to me at one time–I am glad he has a happy life. Would I call him, once my marriage is history and test the waters? No way. Maybe this woman isn’t a siren at all–why all the heebeejeebees for a divorced woman? Maybe she likes to flirt–I know I love it. Doesn’t mean she wants to bed him.
Now, there was also a “danger man” in my life–Mike. Maybe this woman equates to him; I dunno. Mike is dead, so any temptation is gone for me. I think that if Mike had ever suggested some er, intimacy, I would have turned him down–but I would have been immensely flattered and felt sexy as hell. No bad thing to bring to a marriage bed, IMO. I would not have shared his proposition with my husband, but it would have been hubby who benefitted, not Mike.
YMMV. I guess.
Don’t get together with her. In fact, avoid her as much as you can. She may be beautiful outside, and you say she is inside, but it looks like there’s a big piece of ugly in her that didn’t mind cheating on her husband with you. You may have the best of intentions, but what if she met up with you and planted a surprise kiss on you? And then, what if someone you knew just happened to be passing by, saw it, and told your wife? Could end very badly. Don’t risk your marriage being destroyed because of someone from the past.
Busguy, look deep inside. Think of the past, now think of the future. Follow your happieness, but realize the consequences.
whatever you chose to do, Mr Bus Guy, please do keep us informed
Yes it does.
Ever had good coffee? It’s better than sex. Plus it gives you a buzz. And for some of us it makes us want to screw like rabbits.
If you’re not sure you should go, don’t.
Personally, I recommend going and telling her that you’re happily married and that you do not have any interest, nor can you afford, to break that marriage up. I would then ask her to tell you something, anything, that will turn whatever attracts you to her off. Have her describe her last attack of diarrhea, or the time her cold sore broke out while she was giving a speech, or something. If nothing else, asking her that question should at least kill it on her end.
But in listening to this advice, realize that I’m a newlywed who’s only been alive as long as you’ve been married.