Don’t go.
Say no.
Do the right thing for your marriage, your wife, your child, and for yourself.
The answer is ‘No.’ I think you already know that.
Don’t go.
If you do, she will turn out to be sexier and more exciting than you remember her being, and you will notice that when she sees you, she gets a little frown line on her forehead that can only mean, “Umm, now what did I see in him? And how can I cut this meeting mercifully short?”
And the only thing that can make this scenario worse is if your wife finds out about it, but doesn’t hear about the little frown line.
[sup]“Of all the gin-joints in all the towns in all the world, she has to walk into mine.”~~~Rick[/sup]
Hell yeah, you gotta’ go. (You know you do!) If she was truly the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, she’s still gonna be hot. So what?
You’re not some robot type thing that will be controlled by the situation. YOU manage the situation, don’t let the situation manage you.
Go. Have some coffee and get caught up. Then react however you want to, but don’t be afraid to go because “thus and so will happen”. That’s bullshit. The only things that will happen is what you choose to have happen. The only risks involved, if any, are risks that you’ve decided to take.
To tell your wife or not? Invite Susan over for dinner or not? That’s your call. You know your wife and the entire situation, I don’t.
Whatever you decide, Good Luck!
I’m reminded of that old Zen story where two monks happen upon a woman wanting to cross a river. The first monk physically picks her up and carries her across to the opposite bank, she is thankful and proceeds along her way.
After 30 minutes of uncomfortable silence the second monk berates the first for breaking his vows by touching the woman. The first responds with “When I reached the other side of the river, I put the woman down. You, however, are still carrying her.”
Whether you go or not, or tell your wife or not, is your decision entirely. But at some point you will have to stop carrying her.
At the same time, however, do not deny your love for her, or the love for your current wife. It is indeed possible to love more than one person at a time. Cherish both loves, but acknowledge that you will have to do so in different ways.
:eek: Wow! just…wow!
[golfclap/]
**Mr Bus Guy ** losing his mind and banging this woman is not the only thing that could go wrong. If he goes without telling his wife and she finds out about it (which could easily happen), he’s still going to regret it.
I’m not saying don’t go, because I know you’re going to make that decision for yourself no matter what we say. Do what you will, Mr Bus Guy, and I hope things work out for the best.
And “deboner” too!
ROFL. I crack myself up.
I am happily married.
Not in a million years.
I’d be delighted for her. She would have the chance to catch up with someone who was at one point very important in her life. I would expect the same reaction from her should an old flame of mine want to catch up. I know she loves me, and wouldn’t leave me for someone else.
If I’m wrong about that, I will find out some way or another anyway. Do you guys keep your spouses in a cage or something? 
I’m fully with NurseCarmen on this one. Go. If you don’t, you’ll keep the questions you have now. Forever. If you go, that doesn’t mean you’re risking your marriage. Being flattered by her attention is a far cry from jumping her bones.
I can’t believe how little faith a lot of people here have in MBG’s self control.
One thing that sticks out for me is that Susan is widowed. You didn’t mention how long she’s been widowed, Mr Bus Guy, but it may just be that she’s looking for emotional comfort from someone she knows and this may be your chance to get some kind of resolution.
By all means, meet her for coffee in a public, well-lit place. If you don’t trust yourself, leave yourself an out. (Ah, well, I’m sorry, but I have to leave. Mrs Bus Guy needs me to stop and get some stuff at the market.) And tell Mrs Bus Guy. If she can’t accept this, it’s her problem, not yours, and she needs to be the one to deal with it.
Robin
Maybe some self-examination is in order here. There’s nothing wrong with meeting an old flame for coffee, or giving an attractive woman a hug at the mall, for that matter. But if you need to ruminate about these things on a message board, it may be more indicative of what’s going on in your mind, rather than some situation you may or may not face. Do you feel secure? Is your marriage strong? Do you feel ok with how your life ended up? Do you feel like you’ve lost a step and want to be reassured that you’ve still “got it”? All of these things are perfectly normal, valid, and not necessarily unhealthy, but you should be able to answer yourself honestly. None of us here has the “right” answer; you do.
bolding mine.
My thoughts exactly.
I have only four words to add…
DON’T GO! DON’T TELL!
(bolding mine)
He said she’s been widowed for 5 years. Long enough to most likely be a little lonely and wondering about how her life would have turned out if she had chosen a different path…
Grizz you’re spot on.
BusGuy Bury the hatchet AND the handle, friend. Tell Susan that it’s been nice chatting, but the Bus has left the station, never again to return.
If you were more comfortable or more confident about what you and Mrs. BG have goin on, I’d say have the coffee, bring a pic of the wife and kids, catch up, and have a nice hour or two. You started out admitting you were weak. If it’s been said once, it’s been said twice…
NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS MEETING
Good luck bro.
No. If you don’t trust yourself stay as far away from this as possible.
If you 100% trust yourself, first see what your wife thinks about this. If she is amenable, go for it.
BusGuy, you’re the only one who knows whether this is manageable for you. I’ve met with many old flames over the years. I see most of them from time to time. With most of them, there’s still some level of attraction, but it’s not really an issue, and we’re friends, first and foremost.
On the other hand… there’s one guy…
The last time we were together I shook the whole time with the effort of not touching him. We’ve known each other for more than twenty years, so we still keep in touch. Phone calls, letters, emails, IM. But I can’t be in the same room with him. It’s just a bad idea, on an epic scale.
So, does this woman fit into the first category, or the second? If it’s the first, go ahead. If it’s the second, I’ll just add my **NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT ** to the chorus.
<sighs the weary sigh of an unlistened to elder>
Grasshopper–listen well.
Coffee is not related to sex.
Ice cream is better than sex–it can also give you a buzz, and some of us will screw like rabbits to get ice cream.
Thus is the wisdom of the ancients imparted to the next generation.
Carry on.
Perhaps busguy should go, but refuse all coffee and/or sweets. Stick with mineral water and you’ll be ok.
I say GO meet this woman or you will wonder forever about her–very good Zen story–you are still carrying her, meet her and put her down (metaphorically speaking). Tell the Mrs, of course.
My husband retired years ago to raise our three children, while I continued working. My work has taken me all over the world, to some interesting places, like Paris, Hong Kong, London, and Sydney, while my husband stayed home making sure the children did their homework.
I have a rule that I have always abided by, that has kept our marriage sound. Not perfect, but sound.
Here is my rule: If I’m thinking about doing something, and I’m also thinking that I’ll keep it a secret from my husband, then I should not do whatever it is I’m thinking about doing.
This rule does not cover my major vice of buying books, and I didn’t let him know that I bought the Greta Garbo 10 DVD set for about a month after I bought it. I did finally confess. I called it my ‘Garbo Porn’ collection, for that reason
Yes, I’m married and have been for 22 odd years and yes, I’m really pretty damn happy.
That’s not to say we haven’t had our problems, of course.
I won’t bore you with the details but we had a serious wake up call about our relationship this summer but heh-you said happy not perfect-right?
And no, I’m not looking for a bit on the side.
For starters, I don’t consider meeting someone for coffee a date.
As to how I would feel, I’d feel a little jealous and insecure, of course.
But you know what?
That would be my problem, not his.
If our marriage is so shaky that a brief encounter with a woman that he was attracted to eons ago could destroy everything we are to each other, then we have much bigger problems than Susan.
It as nothing to do with allowing my husband to have a past-we weren’t betrothed at age nine and he wasn’t a virgin when we met-thank god.
He’s chosen to spend his life with me.
He swore that he would be faithful to me and cherish me above all others…
If just one meeting could cause Mr. Happy to override those vows, than they were pretty worthless to start.
And honestly if his penis is so powerful that it could overwhelm his brain and his heart, I haven’t married a man, I’ve married a giant walking, talking dick.
Now, what would kill me is if he kept her call a secret. I would be crushed.
Wow, leave work early, go off to a party, get toasted, sleep late and look what I get.
Ok, first, to address the punch in the ribs. Yes it was playful. She’s fiery and emotional, but it was done with a smile and she felt bad. The Bus Wife is not a hitter. IIRC, I kind of walked into it anyway.
Now, the news.
I told the wife about the phone call. And mentioned that I was invited to have coffee.
And the wife said what some of you said here. That I should go, catch up and make clear that I’m a happily married guy who’s not available for anything more than this one single “how ya’ doin’?” meeting. She wasn’t thrilled about it, that was pretty obvious. And she did ask what my feelings were for Susan (BTW - NOT a fake name, I used her real name before I had a chance to think about not doing so.) back then. I told her how we felt about each other, and she pointed out to remember that this is someone that thought little of cheating on her husband after being married 2 years and who knows if she has any limits now, so I should be careful.
There didn’t seem to be any thought, or fear that I was going to go off and do something stupid. That felt nice, to be trusted like that, and it’s not something I take lightly.
I’m not going to be the one to call, but if I get a call next week, I’ll probably let the wife know that we’re going to have coffee. Then when I get back, I’ll fill her in and move on.
Good job, both of you.