Oily Naked Guy! What Gives?

[JohnBckWLD]

As opposed to Meta-Gumble’s “Oily Naked Lady - What Gives?” thread.

Robert Chamberlain either has a petroleum jelly fetish or a really bad case of chapped skin.

From the 5/17/04 Arizona Central:

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. - Roger Chamberlain may have thought he gave police the slip when he switched motels.

But when authorities found the man slathered head-to-toe in petroleum jelly, they knew they had their man.

Authorities said a Motel 6 cleaning crew discovered a petroleum jelly mess on mattresses, bedding, a TV set, furniture, carpeting and towels in Chamberlain’s room after he checked out last week. Damage was put at more than $1,000.

Fourteen empty petroleum jelly jars and numerous pornographic magazines were fished out of the trash can, according to WNBF radio in Binghamton.

Shortly afterward, a sheriff’s deputy tracked down Chamberlain to a nearby motel, finding the 44-year-old Virginia man entirely covered in the greasy ointment, authorities said.

He was charged with criminal mischief.

Was the catalyst Baywatch reruns or does Motel 6 have in house pornos?
14 Jars? Jabba the Hutt wouldn’t need 14.
$1,000 in damages? Are Mexican velvet paintings and polyester bedspreads that valuable?
How in the hell do you wash 7 pounds of vaseline off your skin?

[Jenaroph]

Shortly afterward, a sheriff’s deputy tracked down Chamberlain to a nearby motel, finding the 44-year-old Virginia man entirely covered in the greasy ointment, authorities said.

knock knock

“Mr. Roger Chamberlain?”

“Uh, just a minute…”

squish squish squish

rattle rattle

“Mr. Chamberlain, Binghamton Sherrif Department, open the door sir.”

rattle rattle “I’m trying…”

[yosemite]

Jenaroph, that was hilarious!

Thanks for this story, JohnBckWLD!

[Larry_Mudd]

I’m surprised that the news report didn’t mention the discarded crack-pipe.

It explains a lot.

Heh… Jenaroph, that reminds me of an old joke: A man carrying a clip-board knocks on a woman’s door one afternoon. When she answers, he says “Ma’am, I represent the Chesebrough-Ponds company. Do you have a moment to participate in a brief survey?” The woman agrees, which surprises the canvasser, because she’s got a baby in one arm and there are several other kids running around behind her, and he is surprised that she has the time. “Ma’am,” he asks, “Do you ever use our product, Vaseline[sup]TM[/sup]?” She enthusiastically replies, “Why yes, I do! It’s a marvelous product!” “And how much do you use?” “Oh, we use a lot! Usually, we go through almost a jar every week.” The canvasser is surprised again. “That is a lot. May I ask what you use it for, exactly?” Without hesitation, the woman says “For having sex.” Now the guy is really surprised. “Thanks for being so candid. Most people are a little evasive about such a sensitive subject.” He’s wondering if she’s being so frank as a way of flirting, and begins to think he might get a little quick afternoon action. Emboldened, he asks “Would you mind telling me, exactly, how you use it for sex?” “Why not?” she says. “We just put a little on the doorknob to keep the kids out of the bedroom!”