Veep shoots man in face
What?
Bush Officiates Lesbian Wedding of Marine bin Laden-Capturer
"‘It’s the least I can do!’ said a cheerful commadner in chief, hours after signing in the historic Same-Sex Marriage bill.
There. EVERYBODY wins! 
Then, the followup:
Bin Laden ‘screamed like a little girl for his mommy’ in his Final Hours
USACIC Promises Investigation into ‘intentional botching’ Allegations after the Terrorist Leader’s 45 min.-long Hanging
SDMB Shirley Ujest Wins 150 Million dollar Lottery! Buys a new bionic hamsters for the boards.
“Really, it was the least I could do.” says the long time doper .
Fred Phelps caught in homosexual orgy
Of course, that would soon be followed by:
Phelps declares "The fags set me up"
Some poor bunch of gay guys has to sleep with Phelps?
Maybe God really DOES hate fags!
deer got hit by a car at the canadian-mexican border
SETI Makes Contact. We Are Not Alone.
Yetti Makes Contact. We Are Not Alone.
Well, don’t leave us all hanging, Dio. Give us all the headlines that lead up to this one!
OK, c’mon now. These things have to be at least somewhat believeable!!
Is it wrong that I found this hilarious?
As for a headline, how about …
New System Kills All Internet Spam – Inventor Ponder Stibbons A Gajillionaire
As I clean off my keyboard and screen …
I’m thinking Administration finds religion, resigns en masse, refuses pardoning and requests a full public inquiry into the last six years of power
Madame President Clinton
Hilary Wins
First Female President
I can only hope…
Hussein admits he had WMD
Bush is quoted as saying, “Really? I had no idea!”
Michael Jackson arrested for soliciting a 35 year-old female prostitute :eek: :eek: :eek:
STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS EXPIRES, BILL AND HILARY CONFESS TO MONUMENTAL WHITEWATER SCAM!
“Yep, we screwed everybody and got away with it,” smirked the former First Lady.
In other news, the mysterious 666 begins appearing everywhere…
Center Holds
** Historians In High Demand **
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** BUSH AND OSAMA RELATED? You be the judge. **
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** Wood Chuck chucks wood more than a wood chuck would normally chuck. **
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** SPACECRAFT BREAKS LIGHT SPEED! Physicists explain, using Einstein’s relativity. **
Conversely, the NIGHTMARE newsfeed might be:
** NOT GUILTY! Saddam released today after 14 grand juries found Hussein ‘not guilty’ on all charges’ **
First Chimp-Human hybrid created:
Has same mannerisms and speaking skills as President George W. Bush.
** Major new development in “Bop-she-bop-she-bop” case, man arrested
investigators hopeful of some answers to this and also the closely related Rama-lama-ding-dong mystery **
In further headlines,
“Baby fell out of love with me” - culprit sought, no warranties sought or implied
IRS assesses value of handshakes, masonic connections alleged.