Leaper and Sunspace – curses to both of you for beating me to the same comment. 
Jesus Returns to Earth; Peace Breaks Out Worldwide
Nations, Terrorist Leaders Repudiate Violence, Lay Down Arms
NOAH’S ARK FOUND
12 dinosaur species found pickled in giant wine vats.
Eight Decades Later, Equal Rights Amendment Finally Passes
Did someone call? 
Mutant Gene Prevents Stupid People from Breeding
Automated Phone Systems Outlawed – Qwest ordered to answer phones by third ring
New Law Makes Rudeness, Inconsideration Illegal – Offenses punishable by $5,000 fine, one year in jail
Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly Caught in Gay Love Trist
Al Franken Wins Presidency!
Minimum Wage Raised to a Liveable $18 an Hour
Government Mandates 2 Months Paid Vacation After First Year of Employment for Every Worker
Only One Easy Form Required to Receive Medicare Benefits
Thats what I call humor!
U.N. Predicts Long-Term Global Warming Trends Largely Negated by Ashfall from Middle East Nuclear Tragedy
“‘It’s a pity about Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Iran, though.’ says U.N. Secretary General.”
Rutan, Branson Land at Copernicus Crater
Exxon-Dow-Microsoft-DOE Consortium Reveals Pure, Clean Energy Device
“'You failed. It’s too late. You can’t win. We’ve gotten too powerful. Bow down’ says Lord Chairman Gates.”
I’m especially proud to have beaten someone with your username. 
Universal Healthcare Available For All US Citizens!
Chemical Treatment Successfully Regenerates Severed Spinal Tissue in Human Trials
Nahh…'need some sillier entries.
Ranchoth Proclaimed God-Emperor of Sol System
Shroud of Turin DNA Matches Mummy in Jerusalem Crypt
“The body, which was found impaled through the heart and wrapped in intricately knotted silver wire…”
"The Superman Exists—and He’s American"
LEFTWING IDEOLOGY PROVEN WRONG!
“We have been duped for years, say leftist leaders”
Wouldn’t that just be wunderbar?
This is gold!
Chocolate does not cause fat says Harvard-Oxford Drs.
*" It’s salad, water and carrots." said Drs. Patel, Patel, Suprtramidnadgutpapatel and Cohen.
Hollywood Admits Its Run Out Of Ideas
We are profusely sorry. Says one inside A List Director who asked not to be named.
Tom Cruise Comes Out Of The Closet
Scientology is a load of crap. I’m still dyslexic and gay.
Pope Benedict XVI ‘Near Death’ After Sabre Duel on Vatican Roof
Victorious Dalai Lama: “Tell Patriarch Bartholomew I that I’m coming…and Hell’s comin’ with me, you hear? HELL’S COMING WITH ME!”
BOB RETURNS!
Plastic, pink seen running for the hills
Microsoft Convicted, Split
Forced to divide into OS, apps, evil divisions
Ballmer treated for herniated disc
Java a Joke?
Derleth reports “It seems the Java programming language was created to see just how much programmers would put up with. “It has the elegance of FORTRAN, the cleanliness of C++, and the speed of a Yugo hauling a camper,” says James Gosling. “I mean, ‘public static void main’? Who puts up with that crap?” The successor language, Jolt, is expected to drag C++ programmers the rest of the way to Lisp.”
Perl 6 Finished
Neurally-Implantable Computers Approved by FDA
Nasally-implantable computers still awaiting approval
Rightwing ideology proven wrong
Green Ideology Proven Wrong
Juche Proven Wrong
World Philosophical Commission Meets
ideologues worried
WPC Hearings Stormy
WPC Hearings Extended
World Association for the Scientific Method to speak
Scientific Method Lauded
theory, experiment, correction all that’s needed, really
Religious Leaders to Speak in Joint Broadcast
The first already happened.
But the second never could.
Regards,
Shodan
Bush, Cheney to wed
“Not shotgun wedding” says McClellan
Rev. Phelps to officiate
or even more outlandish:
Gas prices stabilize
In honor of past US presidents, US car makers have decided that each company would name a new car after a past president of their choice. Chrysler Corporation has decided to honor President Clinton. Their entry will be named the Dodge Drafter and will be built in Canada.