I am sticking to the definition of satire that is basically “1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly”
Be sure to Play an instrumental version of Baz Luhrman’s Everybody’s free (To Wear Sunscreen) - the graduation speech while you read this
Drooling mouthbreater who styles himself drainthelizard,
Drink Beer.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, beer would be it.
The long term benefits of beer have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice…
Now.
You are as fat as you imagine.
You really do look like your driver’s license picture.
Do something about it.
If inserting a 7-inch iced tea spoon down your throat to induce vomiting is what it takes, well then, so be it.
Nobody wants to date a fat pig.
Don’t floss.
Wayward bits of parsley and beef in your teeth really don’t look that bad.
Sometimes you’ll be ahead.
Sometimes you’ll be behind.
You’ll probably never be on top.
You’ll definitely never be on bottom.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll have kids, hopefully you won’t.
Most likely you’ll end up divorced at 50 with 5 kids from 3 different wives selling knock-off Gucci bags outside the port authority to make your alimony and child support payments.
Smoke Cigarettes with reckless abandon.
Years later, while smoking through a hole in your throat, you can always sue the tobacco companies and say “*buzzz!*I-did-not-know-it-was-bad-for-meeeee!buzzz!”
After all, ill-gotten gain is what it’s all about.
Do one thing everyday that makes your mom want to kick you out.
Don’t even try to dance.
You’re a guy for cyin’ out loud.
No,not even the electric slide at a wedding.
But trust me, on the beer…
DTL, we all hate you. Go away. Every time you post you give people more reaso to hate you.
When I read your posts, all I can see is a fucking insensitive piece of shit with too much time on his hands, and a knack for looking stupid. You are simply a mean person, which would be excusable if you had any any virtues. The only thing you can do well is piss people off. The human race would be better off if you were to shoot yourself.
You seem to have no sense of decency, and have never been able to grasp the concept that this message board does not revolve around you. I see that some people have suggested growing up. It seems to me, however, that your posts are not the product of youth, but of a truly black-hearted individual. My advice to you is to stop posting here until you become a human being.
You have now joined Mark Serlin on my list of posters to ignore at all costs, simply because I prefer to live in a world where people like you and he are not permitted to bother those of us who have some sort of redeeming qualities.
Coldfire, I notice that both Serlin and this piece of shit say that you are arrogant. I suppose it must be true.
You know, I felt an urge to reply to DTL’s last round of inanity…and then I saw ** TVeblen ** and ** Lexicon’s ** posts. I now realize that everything that needs to this twit has been said. Should he feel the need to reply, he should just go and read those two posts over again.
And then read them again…
and then read them again…
Ok DTL, while you do have good English skills and good comebacks, you are making an ass out of yourself. And trying to wiggle your way out is a losing proposition.
I see that you have a few options:
A)Say you’re sorry, that you have made an ass out of yourself. Turn on a new leaf for good, post good posts and get to know these people better. Most of them will probably forgive you down the road.
B)Keep up your current behavior, continue to rile the people up here and get “the BANNED status” forthcoming.
C)Request to have your screen name changed and don’t be an ass the next screen name around.
After reading some more of this thread, let me applaud Lexicon for his ability to give my opinions of this repugnant asshole a better voice than my own, and let me also welcome Nekochan to the SDMB. You, sir, seem to be the sort of person who knows how to make a great first impression. I think the fight against ignorance will be aided by your pressence.
Yes, this is more in line with the true spirit of the Pit . . . however, these threads are better battles of creativity and wit when both the flamer and the flamee are armed. In this situation Leezard is way out of his league.
I can’t believe I actually defended this guy… ::sigh::… maybe his Wile E. Coyote intelligence got the better of me?
Mr. theLizard… I know people have said this a million times, but maybe you’ll listen to someone who isn’t out for your blood… you said something dumb. It offended a lot of people. Said offended people voiced their displeasure. You mocked their displeasure. They voiced their displeasure of being mocked for voicing their displeasure for you saying something dumb.
And you’re the good guy?!?
::sigh again::
I tried, everyone, I really did. I wash my hands of him.
Umm, that would be Belgium. Coldfire is Dutch, so add geography to the exceedingly long list of topics you know nothing about.
And a good thing, too, so he never got to know what a sad waste of his genes you turned out to be.
I’ve been to the Netherlands, and it’s a lovely country. I wonder what pig wallow trailer court you decorate with your presence, DtL? I wanted to bust you on the “humanoid” quote, but Nekochan(kitten, you’re a good poster, hajimemashite!]beat me to it.
In short, go away; you are, indeed, a fat ugly loser, and nobody here likes you.
You must make your parents very proud. :rolleyes:
Coldfire, you rock!
DtL, how dare you post this when I’m not here. I mean, posting that tripe while I’m offline and without chance to scoff at your petty attempts to discredit one of the most popular members of the board (take a look at any other thread when he ain’t BBQ’n your sorry attempts at stringing words together).
I mean, I’m there thinking I auint got much to do, while I could laughing at you. thats so selfish.
Next time you intend to make a fool of yourself, at least have the decency to mail me first.
as for the time, I usually post betweel the hours of 8am-5pm GMT, thats a time zone BTW.
so if you’re in the same Timezone as New York, thats 5 hours BEHIND me. so take the Little hand, move it forward 5 hours, and thats what time it is over here. Isnt that easy?
now, go stand in the corner, and think about what you’ve done.
here’s a few words that will make you a better poster
The VERY first time DTL got slammed down on anything, he took a 35 day leave from the boards. Isn’t that odd? Why, God, can’t it happen now, but permanently?
DTL, I got to give you top marks for persistance and gall if nothing else. Me, I think your best bet at this point is to retire gracefully (if possible) from the field, for not even highest degree of persistance and gall can turn the tide of shit that’s drowning you. Besides, there’s really little more to say that would not be redundant. The greatest sin is inflicting boredom.
Hey PissMan! Remember me? The one who’s threads you hijacked and subsequently filled with an amazing amount of stupid rays? Yeah, I am not just one of Coldy’s ass-kissers. I have a personal vendetta. Just a quick question- did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Here’s ome instructions even you can follow!
Find your mouse. Yes, that thingy you put your hand on so you can look at midget porn. Good, now pull it really hard.
Make a loop out of the long cord. Now wrap one end around the loop 7 times. Then put the end through the hole. Oh, what am I saying? You are quite the expert at putting things in holes! I bet you get all of the heifers!
find something high to hang it on. Put your head in and pull up your legs! Congradufuckinglations! You just hanged yourself!
Myrr21 - thanks from the 4-post newbie (now 5-post - woo hoo!) But it doesn’t take much to show up dtl - just a continual supply of oxygen from not having your head up your ass.
waterj2 - I appreciate your welcome. And, I’m actually a ma’am
Although I would agree with Coldfire’s assessment of Lizard’s contentious posting, I cannot but be slightly disappointed at the way everyone has malicously ganged up on DTL. Message boards reflect all types of opinions and are superb catalysts for contentious sentiment. They underline individual opinion, provoke thought and, at times, as it appears in this case, generate satire.
This being said, let the poor guy be. No apology is necessary in this case. He voiced an opinion, stated shocking things, but then: such is life.
If the general wish is to have a guru censor every contentious posting then so be it! But then let that person fight his or her own fight, mano a mano, as it were. Others can take a comfortable sideline view without subscribing to the type of herd mentality I’ve witnessed in this particular instance.
