OK, Homosexuals--Recruit Me!

I am a heterosexual woman; not the slightest bit attracted to other gals. But I have a lot of gay friends and am quite frankly a little bored with being straight after all these years. So if the right-wingers and Jeezers are right, y’all can “recruit me” and make me a lesbian?

OK, I’m willing–go ahead, bring it on! Esprix and Sqrl, I’d be willing to become a gay man, too; but I think that would involve a lot more than just “recruitment.”


What a waste of gams.

I’m up for some of that lesbian recruitment, God knows I need a new fashion sense…oops cheezit, theres the Mrs…


Can I be Eve’s escort, just to make sure she doesn’t get in over her head? Granted, I’d have to watch and stuff, but I am willing to make sacrifices for fellow SDMBers in need.

somebody put a stop to this, were gonna lose all our women. quit it ladies. don’t you know whats really good for you? :smiley:

No! Not you, Eve! Like I saw your pic at that interview site and, well, hubba hubba! You’re going to have to beat the girls off with a stick! So to speak.

Ask yourself, WWJD? In this case the J is for Jean, and she’d probably think it would be fun.

So the right-wingers think you can be recruited into becoming a lesbian. OK I’ll take a stab at it.
First of all Eve, you must cut your hair, think crew.
Now you need a nice pair of combat boots. Hmmm, this {i]is* recruitment, kind of like gay boot camp.
Alright, now here is a T-shirt just for you hon, with a big pink triangle on the front and the 2 female signs entwined on the back. You’re almost a full-blown lesbian now.

Let’s see. Now throw away that 20’s jazz crap or whatever and go out and get yourself a few Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls CD’s. I’d tell you to watch a lot of PBS, but I get the feeling you do already, bonus! See? You must have been hiding your true self all along. You’re doing great. Now your final lesson-man-bashing. You must perfect it. Once you have accomplished these things you may consider yourself a lesbian. What’s that? Sleep with a woman? Bah. that’s just a technicality. In the eyes of a right-winger, you are now a lesbian.

I think Doc Martens can be substituted for army boots, and kd Lang for Melissa or the Indigo Girls. Make your conversion individualistic!

So who gets the toaster if Eve goes the Double X Chromosome route?

I don’t care about the clothes and shit, I just wanna know who’s selling tickets to her deflowering!! :smiley:

Hmm, I don’t know how to recruit lesbians. It wasn’t in my “How to be a Gay Man, Manual” by I.M. Swishy. I will take a stab at it though. On page 384 in the chapter about collecting toaster ovens among other fabulous prizes, it says active recruitment can only be known for sure after you have sex with the recruitee. I guess that leaves me out. I will have to talk to the Lesbian Avengers and give them your name, address, phone number, and various email addresses. They will be in contact with you shortly and give you the mirror book for lesbians “How to be a Lesbian woman, Manual” by C.N. Lingis. The few excerpts that I saw from that book were interesting but they didn’t stick with me really. The only thing I can think of is you need to invest in some comfortable shoes, preferrably Birkenstocks. We all call comfortable women’s shoes lesbian shoes anyway.


“Can I be Eve’s escort, just to make sure she doesn’t get in over her head?”

–Hmmm, is that one o’ them euphemisms, Mulli?

Psy, can’t I please be a lipstick lesbian? I don’t wanna give up my frocks and long hair. Though I will rush out and get some Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls. I’ll even laugh at Kate Clinton and Lea DeLaria (see—I’m halfway there, I know who they are!).

Thanks for the “great gams” comment, Chief—but since you and I are “just friends” anyway, they won’t be any more “wasted” than before, now will they?

Of course you may be a lipstick lesbian, Eve. Keep in mind though this will require a bit more work on your part now in the dept. of attracting a mate. Hmmm, try a silver ring on one of your thumbs. Keep make-up and clothing simple and elegant(not a problem, I am sure). Carry a copy of The Voice. You may have to make an appearance or two at the local lesbian watering hole.

Well, Eve, I don’t think I could convince you to try it if you aren’t interested. But if anyone here is actually successful in this recruitment thing and you’re willing to do a little experimenting, I’ll volunteer to help with that part. :D;)

(sarcasm on)
Oh yeah, right- there aren’t ANY Doc Martin wearing, KD Lang listening lesbians out there- nope! Not a one. You can now fill that niche- its all you Eve!
(sarcasm off)

Good luck! Enjoy the male bashing! Write us when you get there!


Actually, “Watering Hole” would make a GREAT name for a lesbian bar!

Eww, “The Voice?” It’s been crappy ever since they went free and fired all their good cartoonists and columnists. Can’t I just carry around some Gertrude Stein or Radliffe Hall?

I’m sorry, Sqrl, but I don’t want to be a lesbian enough to wear “comfortable shoes!” I have been wearing agonizingly uncomfortable shoes ever since I was old enough to totter around in them, and I am not stopping now!

Eve, then there is no hope for you. Turn back now and we won’t reveal your sordid past with the two left-handed lesbian chickens and a rope. :wink:


Well, this doesn’t count as a recruitment, but I might be able to turn you lesbian. :wink: I think the technical term is “negative reinforcement”. :slight_smile:

Eve, might I suggest that you consider politely declining the romantic attention of the next elligible bachelor you encounter? It helps if he has a big ego-- as we all know, any woman who spurns an attractive, successful man has got to be a lesbian. This applies whether you are in high school, college, or beyond.

Just as any guy who rejects the advances of an attractive woman is gay. Except, in the guy’s case, it could be true.

:: crying ::

I thought we already agreed to be lesbians, Eve, albiet non sexual ones.

Does this have something to do with the jazz fusion thread? Is this your way of breaking up with me?