I feel stupid and contagious.
“Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned…”
Early in the middle of the day one night
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot one another.
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Perforated piggies’ feet
A one-quart jar of all-purpose porpoise pus
Floating in my lemonade
And me without my strawwwwwwwww…
A deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and killed those two dead boys
Twas midnight on the ocean
Not a streetcar was in sight
The sun was shining brightly
And it rained all day that night.
The barefoot boy with shoes on
Sat standing on the grass
A bee flew by and the streetcar
Stopped to let it pass.
Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac
All dressed in black, black, black
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back
She asked her mother, mother, mother
For fifty cents, cents, cents
To see the elephant, elephant, elephant
Jump the fence, fence, fence
He jumped so high, high, high
He touched the sky, sky, sky
And didn’t come back, back, back
Until the Fourth of July, ly, ly!
Comet!
Makes your teeth turn green!
Comet!
Tastes like kerosene!
Comet make you vomit,
So buy some Comet and vomit today!
Last night I met upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today.
I wish to heck he’d go away!
The night was dark, the sky was blue
Down the alley a shit cart flew
A wheel came off, A scream was heard
A man was killed by a flying turd
If you don’t believe my stories true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too
The deaf-mute said he heard the scream
As the dead boys drowned in the dried-up stream.
A guy walked into a bar.
He said “ouch!”
:: runs through thread, wearing full plate armor ::
I just got back from a trip to Alaska. Here, let me show you my photos from the trip – we shot eight rolls of film – can you believe it? Here’s me standing in the snow next to a sign that says “Welcome to Fairbanks”. And that’s my friend standing in the snow next to a sign that says “Welcome to Fairbanks”. And here’s my friend and I standing together next to the sign that says “Welcome to Fairbanks”. Look, he’s making little reindeer horns behind my head. The next picture is the view out of the car on the way to the hotel – look at all that snow.
What’s that you say – you hear the phone? I don’t hear anything. Come back! The next picture is where a whole team of huskies peed in the snow – it’s really funny.