Pick a card, any card.
OK show it to your friends.
Are you absolutely sure you know what card it is?
You definitely won’t forget?
OK put it back in the pack and I will shuffle the cards.
Tell me when to stop…
This is your card.
Maybe later.
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon
realized she was heading straight toward his seat.
Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, “Business trip or vacation?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business, The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago.”
He swallowed hard.
Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him,
and she was going to a meeting for sex education!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business
role at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really,” he said. “What myths are those?”
“Well,” she explained.
"One popular myth is that African American men are the best endowed,
when in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that
trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Jewish descent.
“We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is
the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry.”
she said. “I shouldn’t really be discussing this with you. I don’t even know
your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said.
“Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba.”
“Werewolf.”
“There…there wolf.”
In case anyone doesn’t have this already
Boys are cheats and liars
They’re such a big disgrace.
All they really want to do is get to second base-ball baseball they think they are gonna score.
But if you let them go all the way then you are a hor-ticulture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks. All they really want from you is a place to put their cock-roaches beetles, butterflies and bugs all guys really like is a great big pair of jug-glers acrobats and a dancing bear named chuck. All guys really want to do is forget at no such luck.
That is from The Hot Chick Well I thought it was cool. Erm… look! scampers away
In case anyone else is wondering, I put this in the pit because originally I had planned to say something like, “ok you f___er’s I paid my g__damn money, so start entertaining me!”
But then I thought better of it.
But it was already in the pit.
Sorry for any confusion. Feel free to pit me for incorrectly starting a pit thread.
:: Hurls mass quantities of peach, plum, nectarine and apricot innards at constantine ::
Will that do?
An 83-year-old woman decided that she had seen and done everything, and the time had come for her to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart.
The trouble was, she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
Why did Richard Nixon go to see the movie Deep Throat three times?
Because he wanted to get it down pat.
Ah, so they’re 1920’s-style death rays.
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,” – Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” – Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,” – A congressional candidate in Texas.
:eek:
Constantine
I’m sorry that I do not have the comedic brilliance of some of the other board members. Perhaps you like to see great moments in web design. Please click on this link - I just put a counter on my website:
Counter On My Website
Hmmm, I see Constantine sending a nasty-gram to Cecil "I want that $4.95 back - pronto !!! "
You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called chirpies and I hear it is untweetable.
You want a toe? I’ll get you a toe!
Alright, but I don’t wish to be pidgeon towed.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Or even pigeon towed. :o
“No, but his face sure rings a bell.”
“My God, you’re right! The man’s a dead ringer for Quasimodo!”
Will you stop parrotting that same flighty joke, you bird brain?