Ok, my turn. What is this girl trying to tell me? (kinda long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Where to start? The beginning seems best. My three week portion of my training program at work just ended. All guys except for two ladies, both late twenties. Both were really quiet the first week, but after one of them commandeered my seat, and I was later forced to move away from the really creepy guy, things changed. The girl that took my seat (we’ll call her Sue, it’s short) informed me that she would be using my seat from then on. This kind of ticked me off because it put me next to the creepy guy and gave me a poor view of the Powerpoints. The next day I relocated and ended up sitting next to Sue.

She had been really, really quiet the first week, and it was unusual to hear her talk when she told me she was assuming my seat. Anyways, she started becoming more social with the group as a whole, and the flirtations between her and the guys began. The guys that made their intentions known as it were, were as follows: a guy that isn’t much to look at, but could talk a nun into sex, a kinda geeky married guy with three kids, a 19 year old guy with a good sense of humor, and a guy right around her age who is attractive (I guess, being a hetero male I’m not the best judge, but I’d bet on it) and had the presence of a Steve McQueen/Vince Vaughn hybrid. Notice I did not include myself in there. I second guess myself enough when there’s no competition, let alone when there’s a horse race going on.

We all had access to webmail in class, and much goofing off occured. She was like a hub for that, talking to all of the above mentioned, plus the other girl, and just whispering to me. In my favor, I did manage to make her laugh uncontrollably on numerous occasions, if you saw the situation we were in and the people that were in there, you’d know that the jokes were just laid out on the table, fodder galore. So, she’s emailing everyone all the time, and she often asks me to look at the emails from other people. I’m right next to her, and she types in bold, so it’s almost hard to not notice what she’s typing and reading. She was fully aware that I was able to, and was, reading what she was typing and reading at times. She would sometimes ask “did you read that, that was hilarious” right after opening an email.

At some point she casually mentions “Most people are surprised when I tell them I’m black.” I sure was. I might have guessed Italian, maybe, but she showed no outward features of a black girl. Her Dad is black, and her mom is Irish. Why mention this? Well, because she made it crystal clear in her sexually suggestive emails to McQueen/Vaughn, that she only dates and uh, “has relations” with black dudes (her words). I basically assumed the role of the comic relief, as I’m wont to do, and figured that the slick guy, the young guy, or the cool guy would have the best shot with her. BTW, everyone else was pretty much Caucasian in the class. So, she made it clear to me that she’d never been with a white guy, and was not likely to. I’m a white guy BTW.

Fast forward to Friday, the day of our last assessment (failure results in being booted from the class). Long story short, she didn’t pass, and is no longer employed there.

Ok, enough back story, here’s what has transpired in the past two days. On Sunday, I get an email from her that basically says “Have fun at work, I’ll miss y’all” This was sent just to me, no CC. I replied that the test wasn’t easy, and that we’d miss her too. She replies with CALL ME ASAP !!! followed by her home phone number. Turns out, the instructor said a few REALLY inappropriate things to her in regards to her being able to take a short verbal exam that could pass her. We talked about it for a while, and she seemed almost reluctant to get off the phone. This was after well over an hour into the call. I find out that she only told two people from the class about what happened, me and the young guy. Seems that cool guy, slick guy, and geeky guy have been set aside for the moment.

Monday night, last night, we talked via email for a while. She’s a big football fan so we talked about the Giants game because she knows I’m a Giants fan. I invited her out to see one of my bands play on Saturday night. She says that she’s not sure if she can make it but she’ll try. I know how these things go, but at least she made an effort to appear interested.

Today: I get a status check email from her that starts with “How is your Evening?” She goes on to mention that her “daughter’s father” would not be there for a week (they no longer date), and that her very young daughter would be the only person there besides herself. This sounds the same to me as “my parents aren’t home” sounded in HS, meaning, it’s ok to have sex if we want. I said that nothing much was going on, and she asked me what I might be watching on TV tonight. I said that I would watch Heroes TiVo’d from last night and The Unit. She mentions Dexter, and I reply that I love that show. Her response verbatim “I love Dexter too!!! I’m missing two episodes i think… you should come over and kick it some time and watch Dexter with me”

To me this seems like a bit more than an invitation to watch a show at her house, maybe not, but it piqued my interest. I said that it sounded fun, but the time it airs isn’t the best in relation to my current work schedule (I wasn’t backing out) and she said “We could watch Dexter on the OnDemand…” To me this sounds like “Sex at my place?” Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’ve often missed signals, and I’m trying to correct for that.

The kicker email was “Thursday is good for me 2. Saturday, U of M plays at 8. So I’ll be watching the game… I don’t know if baby’s father will be here watching the game and visiting daughter. He’s not supposed too, but who knows. Either way, you can still come over and watch the game with both of us… Sunday’s are always free.”

She says that her “baby Daddy” constantly reminds her that they aren’t dating, she doesn’t date white guys, maybe I’m just a friend… I have no idea what’s going on here. I’m not qualified to troubleshoot complex relationship issues at this time, simple ones might still confuse me. This one seems to be WELL beyond the scope of what I can comprehend/deal with.

Help. Please.

2

It does? Really? Not like ‘Hey, this guy seems nice and I feel like he won’t rape me in my home if I invite him over to watch TV. Maybe we can even fool around later if I remember our chemistry correctly. Or not. Who knows?’

As for not dating any non-black guys, I’ve heard this before, and it usually just means ‘I haven’t dated non-black guys before.’ There’s always a first time, as long as you don’t make too big a deal of it.

3

Ok, my interpretation is actually the same as what you posited. I’ve learned that some people will assume that such an invitation means “this is your chance”. Case in point, I once had a co-worker come over after work and she was pretty drunk. I slept on the couch, and let her have my bed. I was told by other co-workers later that (based on past behavior) I had missed my chance with her. I’m not saying that I regret not having “hit it” with her, but I’d really like to know what the girl has in mind in certain situations.

I’ve had a few “you were given the green light, but failed to act” scenarios, and at least one “you were a bit fast” scenario. I’m a “Take it slow” kind of guy by rule, but it frustrates me when my guess on the pace that the woman expects is off. If a woman makes it clear that all lights are go, I’m more than willing to try to slow things down if I’m really interested. The “you had the chance” scenario makes me rethink my pace though. I realize all women are different, and that there is no one answer, but I’d love to be able to have at least a vague idea of what she’s thinking before I try to do, or not do, anything.

Does that make sense?

4

What does

mean exactly?

5

Wait, “maybe we can even fool around later if I remember”? Three questions:

  1. Do you have some sort of constant parade of men you have over to your house to watch various television programs who all just sort of blur together except for the special few who do something memorable like attempt to kill you or wear leather pants?

  2. How you doin’?

  3. No, really, how you doin’?

6

My opinion.

7

It means fooling around could be a possibility on her end, if she originally thought you were hot and still thinks so when you meet up again. She could very well be lonely and having you over to watch TV and bitch about work, then remember how cute you are when you get there and start something. Or she could have invited you over to screw but then get turned off by some tiny thing (Oh wait, I forgot about that weird mole… Oh god, he kisses like my ex) and the deal will be off.

Ha ha, I’m no help at all! And I do/have had guys over to watch TV, especially shows I’m really into and like discussing with someone else. I love guys friends. I love guys who have platonic girlfriends. Most of them gay, though. She knows you’re not gay, right?

8

Before I even start, I’m going to qualify my post with this: I have just finished teaching the sexual harassment section to the employees at my facility, so I may be a bit biased here.

That said… this girl has a LOT to learn about appropriate workplace behavior. Emailing sexually suggestive messages to her potential coworkers during training- the end of which culminated in a test that basically negates all your work for the past three weeks should you fail- is extremely unprofessional and dangerous (no wonder the trainer thought- if her story is true- that he could get away with “inappropriate” comments about a verbal test). I am fairly flabbergasted that anyone wouldn’t know this.

I’d RUN the other way if I were you- she does not strike me as someone who has a decent enough grasp of how to communicate with others to make any type of relationship- platonic or intimate- worthwhile. Trying to figure out “what she’s trying to tell you” would involve too much wrangling into her head, which I think is probably a very scary place to be.

9

Run. Run far, far away.

10

She’s trying to tell you you shouldn’t date her.

Even if it’s true she doesn’t date/fuck non-black guys, god, what an obnoxious thing to say.

11

In the OP you ended up feeling that:

You based this on her behaviour.

And what Bobkitty said. Run.
And what AudreyK said. Obnoxious.

To sum up - she flirted with everyone, and put you in the ‘giggly buddy’ role.
She said she does not date guys of your colour.
So if you *don’t * make a pass, she can act disappointed, because she flirted and you’re her special giggly friend, with whom she feels comfortable.
If you do make a pass, she can act offended, she *said * she doesn’t date whites.

This doesn’t seem like a good way to test your responses, her’s are too scattered.

But I wasn’t there and I wouldn’t behave in that way. I can’t guess what her motives are. Maybe she’s just completely inept at social situations and flirts to cover that up.

12

Doesn’t sound that way to me. Or, if that is what she meant I would find that really creepy. Who invites a virtual stranger over for sex with a kid in the house?

13

Please allow me to ditto this.

Besides, why would you want to hang out with a racist?

(Did she mean “oral” test, rather than “verbal?” Cause that would make more sense as an inappropriate question with a double entendre.)

14

Yep.

I’m not considering a relationship with her at all FTR. I’m a Buckeye fan, and she likes Penn State and Michigan, that’s a no-brainer. I just kind of wanted to what I might be getting into when/if I decide to hang out with her. I’d be lying if I said that I wouldn’t enjoy a BJ with no strings attached though. I’m in no position to turn down anything in that department. She’s a germophobe and an RN, so I can be reasonably sure that she isn’t infected with anything.

The whole “I only date/fuck black guys” thing, after having heard it several times, almost prompted me to tell her she was the most racist person in the class, but she eventually quit talking about it and there was no need to stir up trouble.

15

Unless you are a masochist, I vote you run like hell. I could be wrong, but I have the feeling that this girl only wants to use you somehow. About her allegations of misconduct by your instructor, do you know that happened, or could it just be her way of excusing herself for not passing the test? I could be way off, doing this long-distance and third hand, but my take is that she’s a pushy, selfish female, based on her rudely taking your seat, and that since you not only forgave her for it but responded to her flirting and jokes, weren’t put off by her telling you that you had no chance with her because you are white and then were sympathetic to her story about being wronged, that she’s sized you up as a Grade-A patsy who would be just perfect for either making her baby daddy jealous or getting money and favors from without ever doing anything but stringing you along.

16

I’m saying! What a shocker that that she no longer works there! :rolleyes: Of course none of the behavior sounds very appropriate.

17

I don’t get why only dating/fucking people of one color makes one a racist. You can’t just choose who you are attracted too, its not like i could suddenly start liking fat girls if i wanted. IMHO theres a huge difference between “i will not date black guys” and “i will not hire black guys”.

18

I wouldn’t make any assumptions about RNs. There are plenty of doctors and nurses out there that treat lung cancer patients, then go out for their smoke breaks. They’re just humans, too.

19

This girl may or may not be a racist, but you, sir, are a bigot of a different kind.

:smiley:

I’m gonna ditto XaMcQ’s thoughts. She sounds like trouble. It wouldn’t hurt to go hang out with her once, but have your finger on the eject button.

20

Is it just me or is this pretty-juvenile-to-begin-with gag getting REALLY old?! Are you trying to start a SDMB meme or something?

As to the OP - why not just go along and see what happens? Don’t go with expectations and you won’t be disappointed. You’re obviously interested and whilst there’re too many red flags for me, I don’t see you have much to lose by taking her up on her offer.