Ok, so I saw your boobs twice...

The BBQ Pit
1

After knowing you for a total of 3 minutes, I saw your boobs. I saw them again 30 minutes later. All for the price of a few crappy strings of plastic beads at a practically abandoned party.

What does this do for me? Well, it makes me recall the last time I saw a pair of bare breasts, 1999. Yes, 1999. That’s like 3-4 years ago. What else? Oh, it makes me consider the obvious fact that I am not usually in a position to see boobs, and probably have about ZERO chance of seeing boobs with any regularity in the future. I’m almost 24 years old, and I’m a fucking loser. I’m never going to have breast access. I’ve lived my entire lifetime without sexual relationships, I don’t think I’d even know how to have one at this point, and it’s too late to learn. I’m doomed to a life of being merely a boob spectator and never a participant in boob-related activity.

There’s no hope for me. I’m gonna be the 30-something moron who falls for the first fatass loser girl who pays more than a dime’s worth of attention to me, obsess over her, and then be left penniless when she divorces me in my forties. I missed out on all the fun of human sexuality, I missed out on the teen dating scene, I missed out on the trial and error that teaches us how to relate to the opposite sex, I missed out on it all. Consequentially, I am left adrift while everyone else is finding an anchor. There is no option to correct the situation, I’m just screwed. I can’t go back in time and change my past, so I’m doomed to fail because my past is empty.

Over the next 10 years, all my friends will get married and/or committed to their life partners. They’ll stop spending time with me and spend all their time with their wives and children. I’ll be marginalized and insignificant.

2

Do you work in IT?

3

It’s not enough to be a “loser”, but a fatass too? That’s the *worst. *You poor dear, you. :rolleyes:

My sympathy meter went to zero right after I read that little nugget.

4

Ah shite dude you got a hard row to hoe ~

Now put on a helment and get in there and hurt somebody ~

5

After knowing you for a total of 3 minutes, I saw your boobs. I saw them again 30 minutes later. All for the price of a few crappy strings of plastic beads at a practically abandoned party.

What does this do for me? Well, it makes me recall the last time I saw a pair of bare breasts, 1999. Yes, 1999. That’s like 3-4 years ago. What else? Oh, it makes me consider the obvious fact that I am not usually in a position to see boobs, and probably have about ZERO chance of seeing boobs with any regularity in the future. I’m almost 24 years old, and I’m a fucking loser. I’m never going to have breast access. I’ve lived my entire lifetime without sexual relationships, I don’t think I’d even know how to have one at this point, and it’s too late to learn. I’m doomed to a life of being merely a boob spectator and never a participant in boob-related activity.

There’s no hope for me. At best, I’m gonna be the 30-something moron who falls for the first fatass loser girl who pays more than a dime’s worth of attention to me, obsess over her, and then be left penniless when she divorces me in my forties. I missed out on all the fun of human sexuality, I missed out on the teen dating scene, I missed out on the trial and error that teaches us how to relate to the opposite sex, I missed out on it all. Consequentially, I am left adrift while everyone else is finding an anchor. There is no option to correct the situation, I’m just screwed. I can’t go back in time and change my past, so I’m doomed to fail because my past is empty.

Over the next 10 years, all my friends will get married and/or committed to their life partners. They’ll stop spending time with me and spend all their time with their wives and children. I’ll be marginalized and insignificant. I’ll be left alone and worthless for what…to work 8-10 hours a day until I finally die of cancer at the age of 60? To spend the rest of my life alone and tired with only Sportscenter and my mystery novels to console me? To be ground into dust by this miserable rock of uncaring soil and eventually to die and exist no more?

There’s nothing in front of me but misery and malaise, and I can’t fool myself into thinking otherwise any longer. Jesus fucking christ, why couldn’t I have been like everybody else is? Why couldn’t I have had the opportunity to live the typical life? I’m going to be single and in my late 20’s, and all the available girls will be either fat or psycho and probably won’t want me anyways, coz I’ll be as useless to them as they’ll be to me coz I couldn’t fill a dwarf’s thimble with my total emotional content. And I won’t just be able to cling to my friendships with men, as they all marry and leave me hanging around like a loser who can’t move on with his life. They all just wanna get their dicks wet, and they don’t give a shit for the friendships they’ll be leaving behind, despite the fact that’s all I’ll ever have.

Fuck it all, it’s never going to change for me, because I’m too much of a lazy fucking dickhead to get anything done, I have all the intelligence in the world but the motivation of a Teamster at naptime.

Perhaps I could convince myself to be satisfied with those limited pleasures I’m likely to enjoy over the rest of my span here on this Earth, but I can’t bring myself to be that intellectually dishonest.

My life is fucking worthless, I wish she’d never shown me her boobs.

6

Christ, I can’t even post a thread right, I have two of them and the one with responses is the half-complete one.

7

Maybe you’ll get lucky and die of cancer at 75.

8

Oh, so I guess close this one if you’re gonna close one of them, since this was the half-finished one.

9

Wow, mods managed to get my complete text post and combine it with the replies to the half-text post. Kudos to the mods, I had no idea you could be that versatile.

10

Now hold on. Don’t give up just yet. Here is some advice-

1.) Try not to dwell on this so much. If you do, chances are you may not really be able to see the people/events around you, and pass up a lot of opportunities because you’re so fixated on the fact that you’ll ‘never’ be with a girl.

2.) You’re setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re acting in accordance with what you think is going to happen. Who knows who you’ll meet tomorrow/a year from now. Sometime in the future you could be eating your words!

3.) I reccomend replacing the word ‘fatass’ with ‘heartless bitch’ in your post to make it more PC. Lets face it, apperances probably aren’t going to be as much a factor if you met someone that was really great to be around. I think your fear about being taken advantage of out of desperation is a little paranoid. Simply avoid situations which are likely to go downhill

4.) What was missed out on in the past cannot be reversed. I’d stop dwelling on it if I were you. Otherwise it could be difficult to see what is going on for you presently. To keep dwelling on a missed out teen sex life is thinking that grass is greener.

When you want to be in a relationship, you really have to evaluate how badly you want it, and how important it really is. I have a situation very similar to you. In fact, I’m close in age (22). And I too have had the sex life of a eunich. However I came to the realization that up until recently in my life, I thought I NEEDED a relationship/companionship with a girl. Ineed there appears to be a stigma attached to people who can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend. But my opionion is that they either are too picky, or are making a half-hearted attempt at it.

Lack of experience in relationships doesn’t make it harder to get into them IMO. Don’t act act desperate, don’t be clingy to girls you meet, and be sincere and honest and with enough patience you’ll find someone.

11

You just dig yourself in deeper, don’t you? "Fat or psycho? Like they’re equally bad? Good grief!

I suspect that I can speak on behalf of many of the people on these boards with fat girlfriends or wives: THEY are seeing boobies every night. THEY are gettin’ some. THEY think their fat wives are big beautiful babes and THEY are pretty damned pleased to have a happy relationship.

And I can guess what they think about you—who fear ending up so pathetic that you’d settle for someone fat OR psycho (interchangably horrible in your mind). They will probably pity you, and feel you deserve little sympathy. And I can’t say I disagree with them.

12

Hey, yosemitebabe… you know what?

There is a very very very small minority of men who, in their teens and early 20’s, said “I can’t stand the common concept of attractive. I want me a heifer… a big’un! Screw those skinny girls, or even the healthy ones! I want me a big assed girl with a couple of chins!”

A really small minority.

The rest of us had our hearts set on something else. It usually takes us a while to figure it out. Consequently, I am most happy with my girl, barring the occasional thread for advice.

Have a fucking heart.

13

Rex, you are gonna have to lighten up a bit. Get a hobby.

I’ve known you for all of 2 minutes and I’m already losing my will to live…

May I suggest a vacation to Nevada, where you may legally become a customer in the world’s oldest profession. Then you might learn that sex, though lot’s of fun, isn’t quite what you’ve made it out to in your head.

14

A friend of mine used to have pretty good luck in the Columbia bars with the following technique:

Find a girl you’d like to get jiggy with. Smile at her. When she smiles back, approach her, look deep into her eyes, and say, “Wanna fuck?”

Nine girls out of ten would slap the shit out of him. The tenth girl would say, “Sure!” and take him home.

Let me know how it works out.

–Marlitharn, a central Missouri non-psychotic fat chick who has never had any trouble gettin’ her some

15

Um, Tristan, I can’t speak for yosemitebabe, but I think you missed her point. We know that a lot of men (and women) can be pretty shallow when it comes to dating, especially when they are younger. But that’s a far cry from suggesting that it’s fair to equate marrying someone who is overweight with marrying a psycho. Or, for that matter, suggesting that because someone is fat, that they are pathetic nobodies who will be left behind while all of the non-fat, non-psycho, non-losers find love and marry.
And I think that she is suggesting that, maybe, there are beautiful people of all shapes and sizes and that those people who recognize that simple fact have a lot better chance of finding a happy, meaningfull relationship that may, in fact, include boobies, and the viewing thereof.

16

I think you missed the more crucial point, which is that the fat chicks have big boobs.

17

Rex, did you ever stop to consider that maybe’s it is your shitty attitude that keeps the girls away?

18

OK, now this wasn’t like Mardis Gras on Bourbon Street I am guessing. Rex, in my experience, girls at abandoned parties generally don’t show their boobies to guys they aren’t the least bit interested in. In fact, it hasn’t been my experience to be at a party where girls are showing their boobies at all. Therefore, you are cooler than I ever was right there. And I am married to a wonderful, beautiful girl. (Chicks dig pale, scrawny guys :wink: - though I am currently in the process of being less scrawny :rolleyes: ) But anyway, there is nothing that attracts girls less than a shitty attitude (which I see that LunaSea has pointed out). Really. A man who exudes confidence is going to find a girl.
I have read your stuff on these boards for a while now, and I know you from your posts to be smart, witty and articulate. Chicks dig that too.

Oh, and by the way, in case you missed it, Marlitharn just whacked you upside the head with a 2 x 4. Don’t let it whoosh by you.
(And she lives in Missouri! :smiley: :wink: :cool: )

19

Hey Dart, I’d rather be you than Ben Afleck.

That good looking rich famous movie star is being led by the balls down the aisle by a serial- matrimony addicted freak.

And his only hope is if she dumps him first, so he can get a normal life back. If he dumps her…well hell hath no fury and all that.

Consider yourself lucky.

Life’s a bitch, then you marry one, then you die and go to hell for eternity. Deal with it.

At least you can go online and write something funny about your dilemna.

20

Rex, let us hope you don’t end up getting stuck with a girl who is both fat and psycho. I mean, how much worse could it get?