Yes, and like me, my boss thinks the best way to solve it is for me to take over the data reporting so I don’t have to wait on other people for the numbers I need. The idea of being able to control every element of a report and do it on my own timeline sounds magical to me.
We already had this talk with my boss, the CEO, and the person in question, and she’s kind of a steamroller, so I had very little chance to say anything, but it seemed like an agreement was reached, that I would put things on her calendar. That has mostly worked. It didn’t seem to work this time. This isn’t a person who is bad at her job generally, this is a person who has way, way too much on her plate, and in my opinion the data reporting responsibilities should be forcibly removed from her if necessary. But she has to train me how to do it. She wanted to train me this week but I was way, way too overwhelmed and needed the time to write this grant, so my boss stepped in and told her to cancel the meeting. My boss does have my back.
There are a lot of great things about my job, and it’s not usually this bad. I’m at peak stress right now, but it’s time-bound. It ends Monday at midnight, where come hell or highwater I’m submitting that grant with whatever information I have at the time. I am sick and getting sicker, I will work on it a little every day, I will do my best, that’s all I can do. I just really wanted to do a really good job, and I’m sad that I don’t have control over that.
I miss my son. I’ve just been a mess. I went off on my husband last night, and it turned into a painful conversation about what’s not currently working in the relationship, and just added to my stress. I don’t know if I have any real marital problems or I’m just seeing everything with dark glasses right now. Yes there are issues but are they We Need Counseling issues or we just need to talk some more? He said he would reflect on what I told him. What I told him is I sometimes felt he lacked empathy for me. I think his job as a psychologist requires him to emotionally distance himself and he has a hard time turning himself back on at the end of the day. I think I have a higher than average need for validation. I think we are both worn out parents with a large amount of responsibility and no logistical support.
We were even talking about the one person who agreed to raise our son if we both died. She agreed before she knew our son had a disability. I think she’s still willing, but he’s starting to doubt she could handle it. But we were just sitting there going, who else? We couldn’t think of a single person who could raise our kid if we died.
Well obviously I am kind of glum right now. Sorry for the ramble.
