That’s part of my conflict on the issue. We know the average age a person starts having sex at 16 here in the US. So the law is unrealistic now.
There’s also the typical US hang-ups about sex above all else. A 14 year-old that has sex with someone older is a naive dupe that can’t be believed they if said they consented. A 14 year-old that’s killed someone, we push to punish as an adult (if they’re a person of color, typically) because clearly they’re mature enough to understand what they were doing.
The damage done to underage boys interacting sexually with significantly older women is pretty much the same as the damage done to underage girls getting sexually involved with similarly older men. Which in both cases is that the young person tends to magnify and imbue the connection with importance that causes them to get hurt.
Humans in general tend to run an emotional risk when they get sexually involved. When young people get involved with each other (Romeo and Juliet style) they run those risks but at least they’re mutual. When an older person gets involved there is a power inequity which, among other ways in which it manifests, tends to involve a disparity in vulnerability, where the adult is far less likely to make an emotional investment that discards other considerations and leaves them hanging on the fate of this relationship as the source of life’s meaning, etc. Oh, sometimes they do. Sometimes it’s the adult who does so while the child is nonchalant about the whole thing. But if you think of it statistically, that’s not the way to bet. We protect children in these situations because the potential for damage done is so much higher (in general) for children, who haven’t learned from experience how to NOT overinvest emotionally (that love doesn’t equal sex per se) AND because adults have so much more structural power, status power, which worsens that situation considerably.
I said “pretty much” because there’s the pregnancy thing which is not a risk that young males are exposed to, but that too is not the primary reason adult / child sex is illegal.
First, I guess a lot depends on what you consider “starts having sex” to mean, but unless things have drastically changed since I was in High School (it was a while ago, so that’s possible), I doubt the “average age a person starts having sex” is 16. It seems to me that there are just too many people who don’t start having sex until their 20s and not enough pre-teens having sex for that to average out.
Second, other that a veiled attempt to drag racism into a discussion where it never was even alluded to, I am not sure what the second paragraph has to do with the discussion. When a 14 year-old child has sex with an older adult, it is the older adult that is committing the crime. While the argument is that the 14 year-old isn’t capable of knowing if engaging in sex is in their best interest is part of the reason for the law, it doesn’t have to be proven nor does proving the 14 year-old really wanted to have sex a valid defense. The law requires the adult to assume the child is incapable of making such a decision and act accordingly, as it should, IMO. In addition, the 14 year-old has not committed any crime, only the adult.
When a 14 year-old commits murder, I believe the state has to prove that the person was not acting as a child, but as an adult and needs to be treated as such. I find the racist comments a disgusting attempt to use “but Racism!!11!” to win an argument that doesn’t even belong in this discussion.
Please remember that in the OP the boy is not 14, but 17, and the female is a young teacher’s aide(probably not that much older). it is not totally unreasonable to see the male in question being tried as an adult if the female comes forth with a believable story about being pursued/harassed/stocked/molested by the only slightly younger male.
Yes, many teenage boys would be eager for a sexual relationship with an older woman. That doesn’t make it OK. That is, in fact, exactly the reason why it’s illegal: Because teenage boys have their judgement badly impaired by hormones that they haven’t yet figured out how to deal with.
Imagine that you fed a magical potion to someone that compelled them to want to accept any sexual offer they received, and that you then propositioned that person. That’d be pretty clearly rape, right? And saying that at the time of the act, they wanted it, wouldn’t be a defense. Now imagine that you didn’t feed them the potion, but you knew that someone else did, and still proposition them while they’re under the effects of that potion. Still rape, right? And even suppose that, had the person been in their right mind, they would have accepted, but you don’t know that and time your proposition for when they’re under the effects of the potion anyway: It’s still rape.
Teenager hormones are pretty close to being such a potion, and someone taking advantage of teens doesn’t know what they’d choose in their right mind, because they’ve never met them as an adult yet.
Are you saying that is is just as bad as if an underage girl was taken advantage of by an older man? I am just curious as to what harm is done to said boy.
They could end up as a father to a child they aren’t prepared to handle. And be expected to pay child support. Remember child support is supposed to be for the benefit of the child. So if a 14 year old boy impregnates a 24 year old woman he would be financially responsible for said child.
Plus there is a always the risk of of being infected with a sexually transmitted disease some of which maybe not curable. How you feel if your underaged son was infected with herpes from an adult female?
And the follow-up is to ask if the harm done is any worse than the harm done by “age appropriate” partners. Regarding the pregnancy comment, a cousin of mine got pregnant at 14 by a 15 year-old. I have to think him knocking up a 24 year-old would have been 1) less likely and 2) better for the resulting child as far as parenting goes.
I can’t swear to this but starting from about the age I had sex with the older woman I seemed to have an on going attraction to older women that lasted the better part of my lifetime. It comes in handy when you get old and your buddies are trying to chase 40 year olds.
Interesting question. When we deal with a topic which is as messy and complicated as human sexuality, we can’t really have one size fits all rules. Is it possible to have someone who is legally underage, yet still has the capacity to give a meaningful consent? Sure - just like it’s possible to have someone of legal age who doesn’t have that capacity yet. As I wrote earlier, the topic is very messy and complicated.
Hell, I was in that same situation myself. I lost my virginity at the age of 15 to a woman who was old enough to be my mom. It didn’t hurt me at all. Was I a rape victim? Nope - I went along with it willingly. Sure, I was underage. But not only was I not hurt, I remember it fondly. Felt good, man. So no, I don’t think I was raped. However…suppose I was a 15 year old girl getting molested by a man old enough to be my dad? Oh, now THAT’S predatory. So yes, I think the sex of the people involved makes a huge difference.
Ok, here is a question - what if the parents agree to the relationship?
What if say a 16 year old girl has this huge crush on her teacher, coach, neighbor or whomever. and wants to lose her virginity to him. Now assuming she sat down with her parents and had a long conversation about problems, (ex. pregnancy, it wont last forever, dont expect to get married, expectations, etc…) she could get a note from her parents saying they agree to it, she could then pass that note onto the man and notwithstanding possible repercussions from his bosses, would hence feel free to proceed.
I mean personally I dont agree with the situation myself but there is no reason the person should risk arrest or losing their career and the girl and her family risk social ostracizing over such a situation if all parties agreed on some ground rules with all the knowledge that feelings and privacy would be respected.
What’s to stop a couple of abusive parents from using this system to pimp out their child for money? There are a lot of bad breeders in the world who would do that, you know. Some poor abused kid is going to get beaten / threatened into going along with this ‘voluntarily’ - next thing you know, you just legalized child rape.
Actually, it is because the decision to end or continue a pregnancy is completely a woman’s (as it should be). Condoms are effective, but not 100%, nor is a vasectomy a viable option for a teenage boy.
You forgot liability insurance that all drivers are required to have. You don’t see that with sexual activity, but maybe that’s an idea for a whole new industry!!!