She should ask herself why her boyfriends are being picked off so easily by others. What is it she is doing, or specifically not doing, that makes them so easy pickings and willing to drop her like a hot potato? If she likes the type of guy she is seeing then she’ll have to either adapt to what they want, or change the type of guy she likes to someone more in keeping with her personality.
Larry Mudd: 
It takes two to tango.
It sounds to me like these dudes are sick of you and looking for an out because they don’t have the balls to tell you.
Personally I think you should make any new recruit watch High Fidelity with you. The lesson in the end is that the grass is not always greener with a new woman.
I hope the OP is just letting off some steam, and doesn’t actually believe all that.
Far from being an-other-woman-hating diatribe, I see it as extremely disrespectful to men.
Men aren’t clay. They’re not solely shaped by the women in their lives, by their ex-girlfriends, by the women they encounter at work or elsewhere who want them to cheat…this is like saying that men have no accountability for their relationships or their dicks.
This is crap.
A woman can’t “ruin a man.” A man who can be ruined by one bad relationship wasn’t much of a man anyway, and it’s both foolish and condescending to assume that you can “fix” him or any other man. Men are not like houses; they’re not fixer-uppers that can be remodeled to suit your tastes.
Nor are they putty in the hands of other women; women are not responsible for “making guys into blathering idiots” or for “ruining them” for other women. This is just goofy. It displays a lack of respect for men in general that’s kind of appalling.
You’re either picking the wrong men, or you’re picking the right ones and sabotaging the relationship to the point that they leave. You don’t get to blame other women for any of this; it sounds to me like you’re the type of girl who tries to become what she thinks Man X wants…and/or tries to “fix” Man X…and that’s doomed from the start.
I wish you luck in your future relationships but never forget that the only constant variable in your whole life is you.
Exactly. If women had that kind of mystical power over men, don’t you think you’d have been able to manipulate them into staying with you? Life doesn’t work that way.
In the OP, you mentioned that one guy was 23. If that’s about your age, you’re still young, and men (and often, women) are still more likely to be running around a little and checking out all their options. I’m wondering if you might have been pushing too hard for commitment from those guys’ POV, or perhaps acting like you expected them to cheat, and they lived up to it as an exit strategy.
I know you’re hurting, so have a good cry/rant/scream, get your frustration out, then sit down and check out what you’re doing in your relationships, because the only person you have any control over is yourself.
My sister was finding herself in a string of relationships where she kept finding guys who mistreated her. A only sort of recovering alcoholic full of promises, an amotivated pot smoker who used that as an excuse to lose jobs, that sort of thing. She looked at herself and realized she can’t fix anyone else; she also looked for different guys. She’s getting married this Saturday, and we adore the guy she’s with.
You’re all wrong. The men she’s picked have been wonderful and it’s just those PREDATORY BITCHES who are STEALING them from her DELIBERATELY. Women are scum who are just out to steal other peoples’ men. And then LAUGH about it. That’s all the women in here are doing - we’re jealous and bitchy so we’re tearing her down and BLAMING THE VICTIM which is her, of course.
Dear, I recommend that you start dating men from church. At least that way when the fucking BITCHES who are lying in wait for YOUR MAN start sinking their claws into his poor defensive pysche, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that he will eventually burn in eternal hellfire. Even though, you know, it’s THEIR fault.
<sniped>
To be fair to the OP if she over wieght in her twenties; it’s not like she’s got a whole myriad of men to choose from.
Sad but true.
Short of her commiting wholesale emotional abuse, it’s not because she’s not treating him right. A decent guy doesn’t stray just because he’s pissed at his girlfriend. And it doesn’t sound like their relationship was so bad that he had to look for it elsewhere. Men don’t cheat because they’re not getting what they want. They are capable of acting rationally and making decisions all on their own.
and couldn’t understand why my mellow acceptance of whatever they wanted/needed in their lives wasn’t more valued and appreciated. I had such a string of guys who cheated on me, that I developed a new attitude around cheating.
I told myself that if a guy cheated it was a reflection on THEM (true) and not me. I told myself that (from my perspective) all guys were designed to cheat so I’d be better equipped to deal if I expected it and remained calm and understanding.
So I settled for a guy who fucked around constantly to have his wee ego stroked (along with his other parts). I was the epitome of forgiving and long suffering.
Finally I stopped being the victim - although there were certain ego affirmations to that position too - and left. I found a guy who is not only a “nice” guy, but is honest, sensitive, self-determined and has expectations of me. I in turn have expectations of him. Wow! Imagine.
It is partly a factor of your age - but also an aspect of your struggle to make compromises if you’re not the prettiest or most petite. Set your standards and stick to them. You will never find the “right” one if you compromise or give out messages of too much acceptance.
I’ve also been the “other woman” and it had nothing to do with my luring him away - he was already looking and dissatisfied with his relationship - that’s what you need to communicate around and nurture in your next relationship.
I am sorry you’re hurting.
There are gems out there. You just have to learn to differentiate gold from fool’s gold. Consider your last 6 boyfriends as part of the training. If you haven’t learned anything about yourself from these betrayals, then you’ll continue to make the same mistake.
Revenge. Go screw his best friend
I’ve found that brothers are actually more satisfying.
Sure we are. But obviously in this case they found something lacking in the OP that made them want to wander off. See below:
See the slam about ‘other parts’ from Heckity. Quite a few women don’t really like sex for a host of reasons ranging from difficulty in orgasm to living in a society where sex is embarrasing and considered by many to be a sin. Many of those that do like sex don’t really know how to do it properly and are embarrased to ask. Lying there and giving the occasional, “Oh, oh!”, isn’t really sexy. And while men usually don’t have a problem with orgasm, they have whole other issues to deal with. Neither has figured out that the more you give the more you get. Not saying that this is the issue in this case, but it could be one of the factors (usually a major one, imho) that caused multiple partners to look elsewhere.
Why put so much attention on “keeping” one? Treat boyfriends more like bestfriends. You don’t want to lose your best friend, but you don’t agonize so much about possibly losing her either, right? I mean, what’s the big deal? You enjoy each other’s company, you assume that since it’s mutual there’s no reason it wouldn’t continue.
We ain’t property.
I swear if I live to be 175 I will never understand the possessive-exclusivity-monogamy thing, but even if I were somehow wired so as to want a mutually exclusive sexual relationship, it still strikes me that you don’t get that outcome by demanding exclusivity and walking around with a “this one’s mine” attitude. I would think that you get that outcome by being towards your boyfriend the same way you’d be towards your best friend, i.e, be a friend, trust and forgive, and emphasize not so much “don’t you go being with her” as “don’t let anything come between us being able to stay together”.
I think y’all are being way too hard on poor ZipperJJ.
I too used to have to defend my guy from the circling flocks of * PREDATORY BITCHES from HELL*.
They were everywhere-the office, the mall, the grocery store-crouched behind desks and shopping carts, lurking in hallways-just waiting to destroy my life and break my heart.
They’d do it for sheer shits and giggles and move on to next poor defenseless innocent male, leaving a trail misery behind them.
I figured out what to do though.
Since I couldn’t prevent him from actually talking to those evil wenches know and he kept refusing to wear the male burkha I got him, I had to come up with another solution.
It was drastic but it worked.
I sent off for the Patented Penis Shocker System.
If he even started to get an erection when I wasn’t in the room-the PPSS delivered a electrical current directly to his willie.
Trust me, these days, those * PREDATORY BITCHES from HELL* could be shaking their stuff in his face and begging for it and all he’ll do is squeal and run out of the room.
You should really think about investing in one ZipperJJ.
Sorry to hear that Zipper. You will get your revenge though. He will cheat on her too.
Many people here seem to be blaming you, but ultimately it is your boyfriend’s fault. He’s the one that cheated. In the future, I would suggest you find out more about a guy before you get too involved. Was he involved with someone else when you got together? Has he cheated before? If so, I wouldn’t get too attached. That’s just asking for trouble.
Hey now, I’m slightly overweight and in my twenties, and lately I’ve found I’ve got a lot of good ones to choose from.
Now see, Zipper, THIS is the type of man you want to avoid.
:rolleyes:
Sounds to me like you need to socialize less with guys.
Find a few girlfriends. They are incredibly special. Build a close relationship with people of your own gender. Learn to respect other women. Because then you won’t treat every woman like competition. And because then you won’t NEED a guy. If one comes along that meets your requirements, great. If not, you have your friends.
I used to have few female friends. I used to have myself convinced that most women were catty bitches. I was wrong. Really, really, really wrong. And I now really miss what I didn’t have for years by appreciating what I have now.
Oh I see, this is one of those pit threads wherein the OP vents some steam and everyone else piles the blame on her.
I don’t like those.
Zipper, I can empathize. I haven’t had it happen as much as it happened to you but I’ve had it happen. I won’t tell my story because I don’t feel like being jumped on for not being able to predict the future. :rolleyes:
Don’t let the bastards get you down.
I don’t either. I hope that my contribution, at least, was not taken that way. I really don’t think that’s what we mean to do - it’s just that it’s helpful to have an outsider’s perspective. The only one who deserves the blame is the OP’s boyfriend (not to say, of course, that the Other Women aren’t bitches - just that you can’t depend on strangers to keep your SO well-behaved.