Panic stricken too-young-to-be-a-parent

The BBQ Pit
41

Actually, there is a new method of taking BCPs that is becoming popular where the lady takes them for longer periods of time between period breaks. I read about this last week when I was doing some research for … something I can’t remember now. Apparently, there doesn’t seem to be any down side for taking the hormones longer and having fewer periods. In fact, from what I read, there seem to be some medical reasons that make it beneficial to do so. I should go see if I can find that article again.

As for the OP, it’s all well and good to tell him he has no say over his girlfriend’s body, but we all know that she has a say over his money for the next 18 years if they do produce a child. Men don’t have the final say in reproduction, but they are expected to share the responsibility. Probably a good thing for you to know from an early age, green_dragon. You won’t have a say, but you will be held responsible. It’s not fair, but it’s the way it is. Live accordingly.

42

Thanks for the clarification, Manda JO. I don’t think that would mean she is more likely to get pregnant during the 4th week, but like you said, better to ask her Dr. than just go off them. If she has been taking them faithfully her risk of pregnancy is still small.

If it were me, I wouldn’t take the MAP in this case, but then again I am not 19. HMMV.

I have taken antibiotics before while on the Pill (amoxycillin) and it did cause breakthrough bleeding. I am not sure if that is a sign that the pills are not preventing ovulation, but this did not happen until I had been on the antibiotics for several days. It probably also depends on the kind of birth control she is on, and how low the dosage.

In this case it sounds like her Dr. is telling her it is probably ok. I would not feel bad about following her Dr.'s advice, and I would not pressure her to take the MAP.

43

Why do there only seem to be two options here? The poster seems sure she’s weighing the definite side effects of the MAP against the highly unlikely lifestyle changes of having a baby. There’s some balance there, because while the chance is miniscule, the effect is huge.

But what if she’s actually weighing the definite side effects of the MAP against the highly unlikely side effects of having an abortion? The chance is still just as miniscule, and the effect not nearly as huge.

Her decision seems a bit unwise, but not unreasonable if the only other option is a baby. If you include the option of an early term abortion should the situation require it, her decision becomes even more reasonable.

44

GingerOfTheNorth, I think you misread what green_dragon meant:

He meant that his gf takes three weeks of BC pills, one week off, then another three weeks of pills, and another week off; not three weeks of pills and three weeks off. And, as others have pointed out, 6 weeks of pills with one week off is becoming pretty common.

green_dragon, add me to the people encouraging you to have a Serious Talk with your girlfriend once you’ve both calmed down. If you haven’t already, you really need to decide what you’ll do if she does become pregnant. If you can’t come to an agreement about it, and an agreement that you trust completely, get out of the relationship. To be this freaked out by a scare this minor is not good for either of you.

45

Thanks for all the helpful and informative responses people.

Having had a brief night’s rest and a good day’s work and gotten some good advice off some very well-informed people I decided to lay off the pressure on her taking the MAP. Her decision is not to take it, and it’s loking pretty unlikely that she’s gonna take an early break in her pill either.

When it comes down to it, like many people here have said, it is a ‘minor’ scare and a ‘tiny’ risk and hell if she’s comfortable with it and the people who care most about me are not at all concerned for our welbeing then I guess I should calm down a little…

Perspective has shifted from the significant and life-changing possible consequences to the very slim likelyhood of such events actually occouring in this case. I come from a long line of over-reactors; its in my blood.

I have taken one thing away from this experience; I will never have sex again without the use of a condom. This is one scare too many.

Thanks everyone for your frank and often useful opinions; its coming here with problems like this and getting such a good response that really make me love the good old SDMB :slight_smile:

46

???

Because it’s intended as emergency contraception, not regular contraception. As I understand it, it’s for when a pill/condom fails.

I think I must have missed your point.

47

As a fellow 19-year-old who is a father, I think I can provide you with some advice here.

After this moment has passed, and you’re either an expectant father or a nerve-wracked, horny teenager, you HAVE to sit down and talk with her as to what you are both comfortable with as far as birth control is concerned. If you would like to do some comparison shopping, I would recommend Go Ask Alice!, the Q & A site for Columbia University’s Health Center. Lots of good information, and it’s kept very much up-to-date.

I would recommend you use condoms and she be on the pill as the easiest and probably most affordable system of dual birth control, though condoms can get to be expensive if you’re both really horny. :wink: You’ve said you’re willing to use condoms, and I highly recommend it; shop around a little bit and find the one that works best for you (and this is the most fun you’ll ever have comparing things - shopping for appliances is downright boring in comparison). If she is on the pill - and this would fit into the category of “important” - she has to take them same time every day, and if she gets sick and vomits or has diarrhea, then be extra cautious.

I’m not saying pregnancy would be the end of the world for you, because most likely, it wouldn’t be. But it would be much, much easier in, say, 10 years, when you have your own job and your own house and your own life. Natalie and I were lucky, in that with parental support (read: checks and the occasional emotional comfort when they’re not berating me about one thing or another) we have made this work. I’m still in school (listen to Mr. T), she’s going into nursing in the fall, we have a nice apartment in a good part of town, and Michael will be a very happy 5-month-old in two days.

All the same, sit down and COMMUNICATE as to what you both want out of a sex life. It can be lots of happy slappy fun, if you’re into that sort of thing, but it’s most fun when you’re not looking over your shoulder every day at the thought of possibly getting her pregnant.

Oh, and should she be in the hospital with appendicitis, and she’s crying, and she wants to tell you something but she can’t, and you’re trying to coax it out of her, don’t say: “Well, it’s not like you’re pregnant, right?” Trust me on this one. Bad idea. :slight_smile:

(Sorry if this rambles incoherently at 3 AM, but I hope it was helpful or at least entertaining.)

48

You say that the side effects would be nothing copared to pregnancy:that’s true, but we still recognize that the side effects are bad enough that it’s better to take a very small risk of preganancy than to live like that all the time–that’s the REASON it is emergency birth control, and not the standard method. My point is that every time you have sex, you accept a certain level of risk that you might be pregnant: it’s not automatic that this situation is somehow so much riskier than all those other situations, so if the risk isn’t high enough after sex-with-the-pill-but-without-a-condom to justify the MAP, there’s no unambigous reason why the risk of sex-while-on-the-first-day-of-antibiotics would justify it.

49

hey, Manda JO, you’ve been on this thread so much I’m thinking you should get a loyalty card or something:)

I think in retrospect, the big panic was caused by the big-ass bold lettering on the instructions of both the BCP and the antibiotics on how the BCP ‘should not be relied on without other forms of contraception whilst using antibiotics’

Whilst there have been in just about all the posts a genuine element of good advice which has indeed been taken on board, there has also been a distinct sentiment of ‘well if you can’t handle the risk maybe you shouldn’t be having sex’

Granted, but surely you have to admit that this situation isn’t quite so cut and dried? Recieving a phone call just after teaching a remarkably fun class from my gf telling me about the big bold letters she discovered in the instruction books gave me an immediate panic reaction; are you saying that you wouldn’t feel the same in the same circumstances?

I do appreciate that I over-reacted, but surely that would be better than complete apathy toward the situation? I spent most of the night calling advice lines, looking up info in books and on websites and generally educating myself on the matter. Now in the light of day I appreciate the level of risk and I’m not on red-alert any more.

50

green_dragon,

It is life’s sense of humor that no method of birth control sans abstinence is 100% effective for horny not ready to have children nineteen year old couples, and that 30 year old couples the world over spend tens on thousands of dollars on IVF trying to conceive. I suspect that that is the root of the “if you are this panicked over this additional relatively small level of risk, perhaps the small risk inherient in having sex with the pill is too great for you” comments. You are having sex. That means that there is some small chance you will become a father - every month - even when your girlfriend isn’t on antibiotics and even if you are 100% sure right now that she’d have an abortion. I know more than one “pill baby.”

51

God, astro, what a fucking great, great post.

52

Damn public school “sex” education. I knew they were too scared to teach us the right way to use those things!

Oh, and, uh… yeah. What Manda JO said.