Ah the random one-liners thrown off during a episode. Often, they have nothing to do with the plot, just a great line they had to fit in.
My favorite:
Homer [turning back to the television]: “Ah the Luftwaffe, the Washington Generals of the History Channel”.
What’s yours?
He’s gone mad with power, like that Albert Schweitzer guy!
Grandpa: “I’m gonna smooch her like a mule eatin’ an apple”
for some reason this cracks me up.
Homer, regarding Jesus wearing sandals:
“Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn’t have caught him.”
“Hitler, North Dakota?”
Homer, at the door, wearing a grocery bag:
“I have misplaced my pants.”
After Moe puts a giant rufinol into a cart of beer to tranquilize the destructive and bothersome Homer the Giant, and then drag him into the hills. theres still some of the spiked beer left…
Moe: "Ok see you all later, I’m goin to the Barn Dance.
My favorites are the ones that have become inside jokes with my friends and coworkers who are also Simpson’s fans. These are some that we liberally sprinkle through conversation.
At a restaurant, when the food is not up to par:
“Tastes like burning.”
When caused any physical or mental pain:
“Right in the glavin.”
When in trouble of any sort:
“Save me, Jebus!”
When something fortunate happens:
“Everything’s coming up Milhouse!”
When someone you’re playing golf with hits a terrible shot:
"I recommend ‘Feathertouch’; you have selected ‘Powerdrive’ "
When thirsty:
“Homer no think beer well without”
There’s way too many to list them all. There’s nothing like a good Simpson’s quote to brighten the day.
I call the big one “Bitey”.
Homer Simpson is the funniest man alive. Well, you know what I mean…
[Homer]
“I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!”
“I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.”
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
“He didn’t give you gay did he?”
“I wanna set the record straight, I thought the cop was a prostitute”
“Purple’s a fruit”
“Pffft, English. Who needs that. I’m never going to England”
“Snakes. Natures quitters”
[/Homer]
I’ve always been fond of two from Bart:
(To Homer): You folded faster than Superman on washday.
(Also to Homer): You shouldn’t streotype, that’s what they do over in Russia.
I’m sure I didn’t get that last one verbatim. Please correct it if you know it.
-G
Homer: When I’m holding a gun, I feel an incredible surge of power - like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
Aww, stupid babies need the most attention!
Barney:
I’m with you Homer. Fight the power.
My favorite, from Cecil Twerwilliger: You know, you’re right. If anyone asks, I’ll lie.
I’ve used it about a million times.
“Now normally, the birth of Siamese twins is a joyous occassion.”
“The kids from Shelbyville are always eating candy! They love the sweet taste!”
Milhouse:
“So this is what it feels like when doves cry.”
Milhouse:
“So this is what it feels like when doves cry.”
Stacey Lavelle, inventor of Malibu Stacey:
“My company forced me out in 1974. They said my way of thinking wasn’t cost-effective. Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.”
Casual treason. I love it.
“If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.”
I find several occasions a week to use that one.