Pornography. I was buying pornography.
What were the 3 things Homer told Bart which were all Bart wiuld ever need to know? One of them was maybe “It was like that before I got here”.
1: Cover for me.
2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
3: It was like that when I got here.
Courtesy www.snpp.com
From one of the Halloween specials:
Homer: Help! I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!
There’s one where Otto is driving the schoolbus full speed (I forget why) and Milhouse says “This is like ‘Speed 2’ only on a bus!”
Chandeleur: "Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend! "
Strictly speaking, this is not a one-liner (or, if you will, “zinger”). It therefore has no place in this thread. So how did it end up getting quoted twice???
And, to make my own contribution: “Stupid sexy Flanders!”
Homer, trying to convince Marge to be a surrogate mother: “It’s uter-US, not uter-YOU!”
Chief Wiggum to Bart and Ralph, who have just been caught playing with the riot gear he keeps in his closet: “I’ll never understand what you kids find so fascinating about my Forbidden Closet of Mystery.”
Grandpa:
“I’m filled with piss and vinegar! At first I was just filled with vinegar.”
Ehh, you’re just being Grumpy. My apologies, nonetheless. Anway, this thread is lacking in Ralph Wiggum:
“Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!”
Homer: “Gee Flanders, I’d love to want to help you…”
A sentiment I’ve felt many times.
That’s where i see the Leprechan. He tells me to burn things"
Besides the ol’ standby …
Ralph:
"My cat’s breath smells like cat-food."
… I think the best non-sequitor for any occasion is …
Homer:
**“Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” **
I don’t know why that cracks me up … but it does.
Grandpa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How do you know he’s a vampire?
Grandpa: He’s a vampire? Aah!
::driving down a road, Chief Wiggum is lost, he is trying to explain where he is over the radio::
“I’m on a road… looks to be asphalt… ah geez… there’s trees… shrubs… I’m directly under the Earth’s sun… NOW!”
Grandpa: “My son isn’t a communist! He may be fat, slow, lazy, stupid, bald, a communist, but he’s no porn star!”
Homer: “I’m a chicken, Marge!”
And gexgex, the actual quote is in response to an insurance collector asking what “Moe’s” is, since Homer crashed into the back of his own car in his driveway, to which Homer thinks: “Uh oh…what other place would be open at one in the morning…no time to think, just answer!” And then answers: “Moe’s is a pornography store. I was buying pornography.”
Bart (climbing inside a dead chicken meant for human consumption): Look at me, I’m Baron von Chickenpants!
Skinner: “Up yours, children!”
Agnes Skinner: “Seymour! What’s going on? What’s that odor?”
Homer: “We’ll be rich! Rich as astronauts!”
Ralph’s Valentine card: “I choo-choo-choose you!”
Savaka:
I have a room which the cats aren’t allowed in. Of course they are desperate to get in. I say this all the time.
“Willie hears ya. Willie don’t care.”
Also, from when the Simpsons visit the phone company and pass a telemarketer on the phone: “Hello! Would you be interested in switching to our long distance serv–Huh? She hung up on me! Wha…what did I do?” [starts crying]
Or from the episode where Bart sees his future:
Bart: “Why did my vision include Homer searching for Lincoln’s gold?”
Indian: “I guess the spirits felt the main vision was a little thin.”
Scene opens with Troy McLure laughing while having a romantic dinner with Selma.
McClure: “That’s the funniest anecdote I’ve ever heard! Now you tell one.”