Bart to Homer: “You could be Abe Lincoln’s father’s boss!”
Do not touch willy. Good advice!
(In response to a sign that says “do not touch - Willy”)
Homer: (in response to “sir I think you are a little confused”) Oh, confused, would we?
Homer: (saying “stupid horoscope” with a pick-axe in his forehead) Glupid Bloropope!
Homer and all of his buddies are at Moe’s drinking after bad day at work.
Lenny says: “Yeah, there’s nothing like a depressant to chase away the blues.”
“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
(Chief Wiggum, about Ralph) “Yeah, the special schools are all over him.”
“To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems!”
(In response to a cannon pointed at the sky) “Not the sky, that’s where baby clouds are born!” or some such
From tonights episode, Lenny talking to Carl at Moes:
“I say that Muhammad Ali in his prime was way better than anti-lock breaks”
Ralph Wiggum after a tidal wave swept him and his bed out of his house and down the block: “I think I wet my bed.”
“Stay out of Riverdale” or something like that. also “you mean a spoon Homer?”
Good lord. I cannot believe that I’ve lived THIS LONG and never caught the sexual innuendo in that line until I read this post.
That “save me, Jebus” always makes me hoot out loud.
“Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
Reverend Lovejoy: “Ned, have you ever considered one of the other major religions? They’re all pretty much the same.”
Homer to Bart, suggesting what to write to Ms Krabapple:
“Dear loser, welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU!”
Homer (to Marge): “Now THAT’S the dirty girl I married!”
Lenny (to Rainier Wolfcastle): “If I kill you, do I become you?”
Montgomery Burns (to a class of schoolchildren): “The two greatest impediments to success are family and religion. When opportunity knocks, you don’t want to be in a hospital for childbirth, or stuck in some phony-baloney church…” (Closes in, with menacing features) “…or SYN-a-GOGUE!”
Don Mattingly, on being ejected from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant baseball team by C. Montgomery Burns:
"I still like him better than Steinbrenner."I have a friend who’s a chemistry teacher. I will not rest until he adds that to his class rules.
“Mmmm, pointy!”
“My little girl’s tummy hurts. Do you have anything to stop her complaining?”
and
“OK we’re here. Let us never speak of the shortcut again.”
That’s actually the opening sound to Windows on my laptop. Some of my favorite one liners are:
“No, your no monster. The only monster here is the gambling monstor that has enslaved your mother. I call him gamblor and I will free your mother from his neon cluthes!”
“Let’s see…I’m an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, I’m President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason…ah, her it is, The Stonecutters.”
“Well basically I just copied the plant we have now. Then I added these fins to lower wind resistancem and this racing stripe here I feel isa pretty sharp.”