“Rats! I almost had him eating dog food.”
“I’ll mace you good!”
“To get past the spider’s curse, simply quote a bible verse.”
“No. Money down.”
“Unleash the rock of shame. Attach the rock of triumph!”
“I’ve had quite enough of your Vassar bashing!”
Two of my favorite incoherent ramblings by Homer:
(to Mr. Burns) “Or what? You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?”
(to Marge) “Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?””
And finally, a recent one by Lisa, on college:
“I will NOT be a Gamecock!”
How about Jasper’s, “That’s a paddlin’”?
Or perhaps the episode where Homer’s jaw was wired shut and he consoled a troubled Lisa. His thought to himself was,
“That outta put a cork in her cry hole.”
Sweet
One that never fails to make me laugh:
Homer, searching under the couch: “Ouch…pokey! Eeew… slimey! Uh oh - MOVING!”
Krusty the Klown in that episode with Jay Sherman from The Critic:
Oops. Said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud!
Bob Dole, while being abducted via tractor beam into the spaceship of the two alien octopus creatures:
"Bob Dole doesn’t need this!
Homer, after Marge catches him tiptoeing out of the kitchen, dressed head to toe in black, including a knit cap:
"Oh, Marge. There’s no reason to be suspicious. I’m just going out to commit certain… acts.
Same episode, Bob Dole trapped in some kind of a tube:
“What the hell is this, some kind of a tube?”
“I think women and seamen don’t mix.” - Mr. Smithers
“Mmmmmm Forbidden Doughnut…AHHGHHHGHHG” - Homer
“Dunna worry lad, I was wrestlin wolves when you were at yer mother’s teat!” - Grounds keeper Willie
“Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”- Homer
“Homer, I don’t want to leave Springfield. I’ve dug myself into a happy little rut here and I’m not about to hoist myself out of it.” - Marge
“Marge, old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them.” - Homer
I suppose I’m fond of Homer quotes. ;>
There are far too many.
I recently saw the Flying Hellfish episode, there were several favorites there -
Grandpa:
Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say “dickety” 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word “twenty”.
Baron von Wortzenberger:
Ja ja ja, mach schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get backto Dancecentrum in Struttgart in time to see Kraftwerk.
Hey, fun boys, get a room!
Non Hellfish Episode Quotes -
Homer:
Marge, where’s that… metal deely… you use to…dig… food…
I love the pimply-faced teenagers…
(as Bart is careening out of control on a coaster at Duff Gardens)
Bart: Stop the riiiidddee!!!
Teen 1: I better ask my supervisor!
Teen 2 (standing right behind him): Better stop it!
(after Krusty cancels an order at the taco joint)
Teen: But this comes out of my salary, if I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me!
(seeing the Simpson family all dressed up in Krusty Burger)
Teen: Hey, did you guys just come from the prom?
On the subject of pimply-faced teens:
Sir, it’s an offense to tease the order box.
From the episode where the Simpson’s house sit for Mister Burns.
Sidehow Mel: “This is terrible, I’m about to die without ever tasting cantalope.”
Krusty: “Naah, you didn’t miss anything. Honeydew, now that’s the money mellon!”
From some other random episode.
Marge: “Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?”
Homer: “I think I’m blind.”
Another quote from pimply-faced teenager from the episode where Sideshow Bob steals a bomb from the US air force base (not affliated with US Air):
Bart: “Way to guard the parking lot!”
Puberty Boy: “I get three medals for this.”
Lisa, on the phone with Tito Puente: “Yeah, I’d like to settle his hash, too.”
Ned Flander’s mother: “We’ve tried nothin’ and we’re all out of ideas!”
Kirk Van Houten: “Cram it, churchy!”
robot turns, takes the top of its head off and bows
Marge: See all that stuff in there, Homer? That’s why your robot never worked.
&
We could do a thread on these alone, but this is apropos OP
Hi I’m Troy Mcclure you may remember me from such films as ……
“Man vs. Nature : The Road to Victory”
From my favorite character Groundskeeper Willie:
“If I don’t save the wee turtles, who will?. . . Ah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me!”
Also when willie teaches French class:
“Bonjjjjjourrr!! Ya cheese-eatin surrender monkeys!”
Lisa, on the phone with Tito Puente: “Yeah, I’d like to settle his hash, too.”
Ned Flander’s mother: “We’ve tried nothin’ and we’re all out of ideas!”
Kirk Van Houten: “Cram it, churchy!”
“The zoo was fun, but I’m ruined!” -Herb’s lamentation after discovering Homer bankrupted his business.
“Homer, law is not a frivolous thing. It has little or nothing to do with a disobedient whale.” -Skinner, rebuking Homer for deadlocking the jury so he can watch Free Willy while sequestered at a hotel.
“A conjunction meaning ‘in event that’ or ‘on condition that’” Skinner, defining the word “if” for a befuddled Homer.
“The PTA has disbanded! AAHHHH!” -frightened parent at school meeting, before jumping out of the window.
“Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to steal candy from a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.” -Burns, describing his actions before he got shot.
“Oh, Tuttle’s Sunday trousers. Fear not, I’ll get you to a
hospital – the only way I know how. Smithers, you infernal ninny, stick your left hoof on that flange, now! Now, if you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam that second mephitic clodhopper of yours on the right doodad! Now pump those scrawny chicken legs, you stuporous funker!” -Burns, commanding Smithers on the tandem bike after a bee stung him in the eye.
“Yes…?” -Barney, confused by Rex Banner saying, “Listen, rummy, I’m gonna say it plain and simple. Where’dyou pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?”
“Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the… things. Uh… the things?” -Homer, confused by Burns’s instructions
OK, I better stop now or I’ll never finish.