Wow, two and a half hours between. I know, apologies for double posting are pointless, but jeez. Sorry.
“Me fail English? That’s un-possible!” - Ralph Wiggum
“Stupid itchy church pants.” - Homer
“You suck-diddily-uck, Flanders!” - Homer
I can’t remember the scientist’s name, but he was drawing on the board and Wiggum was in the class… The scientist says:
“Here is an ordinary square…”
“Hey Hey, slow down there, egghead!” - Chief Wiggum
Homer, stuck in a three-dimensional universe that has sprung a vortex that is about to swallow him:
“Awww! Now I wish I’d read that book by that wheelchair guy!”
Homer says -“Take that Lisa’s beliefs”
I wish I could remember where that came from but all the episodes are a jumble in my head
also when Bart and Milhouse are all hopped up from the all syrup squshee looking for something to do
Milhouse-“Lets go crazy Broadway style!”
I don’t know where you magic pixies came from, but I sure like your magic pixie juice. -Barney
The doctor says my nosebleeds will stop if I keep my finger out of there - Ralph Wiggum
If I’m not back at the home before 9 they declare me legally dead and take my insurance money - Grandpa Simpson
The foot has spoken - Homer to Marge in the stealing cable episode
I SAID ‘Ha, ha.’
Scanning for sarcasm…It’s clean!!
Doesn’t this guy ever give up? He’s like some…non…giving up…school…guy.
My old man said I’d never amount to nothin’. But now I driiiiiive the school bus.
…and that’s when the C.H.U.D.D.S came after me.
Fat Tony: I’m afraid I must insist. You see, my wife, she has been most vocal on the subject of the pretzel monies. “Where’s the money?” “When are you going to get the money?” “Why aren’t you getting the money now?” And so on.
Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those “Police Academy” movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing! Did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects.
[Homer makes some and laughs to himself]
Where was I? Oh yeah: stay out of my booze.
The one where Homer goes on about his musky odors and cocky stride is probably my favorite, but someone else got to it first.
No, no! He said that to Skinner, in “The PTA Disbands”! The teachers were threatening to strike, so of course, Bart has to make sure this happens, first by telling Krabapple, “Skinner said you wouldn’t have the won tons to go through with it”, then quoting her, to Skinner, as “She said you’d fold faster than Superman on laundry day”!
Now. Mr. Rilch’s and my one-liners:
“Stupid poetic justice!”
“Ooh look, a bird!”
“Whoa, slow down, Tubby! You’re not on the moon yet!”
“Cat in the furnace!”
“The secret is to take little tiny bites!” (growl, snarf, munch)
And not quite a one-liner, but, when the dinner menu is being discussed:
“Steak?”
“Money’s too tight for steak.”
“Steak?”
“Uh, sure…steak.”
“You must be the writer of ‘Hi and Lois’, for you are making me laugh.”
“Oh, please. You couldn’t turn into Bill Bixby.”
“Upon closer inspection, these are loafers.”
“Ze goggles! They do nothing!”
“That’s a mug you don’t want to chug! Oh yeah!”
“Duffman cannot breathe! Oh no!”
“It’ll be great to go back and see all my friends from High School… Potsie, Ralph Malph, The Fonz…”
“Homer, that was Happy Days!”
“Oh, they weren’t all happy days. Like the time Pinky Tuscadero crashed her motorcycle. Or the time I lost my money to those card sharks and my dad, Tom Bosley, had to get it back.”
You wouldn’t remember which episode that’s from, would you?
The one will Stan Lee in it. Just a clue I am afraid, hope it helps.
It was when Bart created his own comic strip about Homer. The one with Homer turning into the Hulk at the end, and Stan Lee saying he could do it better, and Comic Book Store guy delivers the line in question to Stan Lee.
Ah yes. Thanks guys! If there’s a Simpsons quote that doesn’t ring a bell with me, I get very worried.
Neither of these are one-liners, but c’est la vie:
Burns: If it’s a crime to love one’s country, then I’m guilty. And if it’s a crime to steal a trillion dollars, then I’m guilty of that too. And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, then I’ll soon be guilty of that, too!
Mrs. Krabapel (re: the word “embiggens”): Huh. I never heard that word before I moved here.
Ms. Hoover: What? It’s a perfectly cromulent word.
–Cliffy
I like the one when Homer’s Dad is telling him about climbing the big mountain and falling all the way down it without getting hurt.
“They made people tougher back then.”
“Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.”
“Oh, what a bleak and horrible future we live in!” “You mean present, right Dad?” “Oh yeah - present.”
“I could never stay mad at you, sandwich.”
“Excuse me, no banging your head on the display case please, it contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you.”
“Hey fatty - I got a novel for ya: A Fridge Too Far!”
“Aye, the hot pants.”
“As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. The candy, known as 77X42…m’goo-hey… where the hell is the candy?” “I dwonnnn’t knowwww.”
Iiiiiiiiiii don’t like the looks of them teenagers over there.
Bart! With ten thousand dollars–we’d be millionaires!!
No tongue, eh? Well how did he talk and eat…and laugh and looooove?