Hot dogs would piss me off–I didn’t like hot dogs as a child, and hated being served hot dogs while the grown ups ate interesting food–my mother only did that when there were children around who did like hot dogs and turned up their noses at interesting food. As a grown-up, I’m also not impressed with the nutrition facts associated with hot dogs. (So far as I am aware, no one has yet sung the praises of hot dogs as a good kid-friendly food in this thread).
Chicken fingers can be tastefully and attractively served, and need not be excessively bad for one. And most kids will eat them with a minimum of fuss.
I’m not seeing anything horrible in giving the kids a kid-friendly zone with a special menu (which just happens to be significantly cheaper for the bride and groom). I’d be less in favor of a special menu for kids if the kids weren’t intended to be eating as a group–I’m not sure why, but I think some of it has to do with the idea of minimizing the fuss over who eats what by keeping options limited. If all you see are chicken fingers, no point in fussing, while if you’ve got chicken fingers and Susie’s got prime rib, the temptation to want what Susie’s got is significant.
And you shouldn’t. It’s not your job. It’s the parents’ job.
Your only obligation as someone who is not these kids’ parents is to respect the food choices the parents make for their children, and any food choices they allow their kids to make for themselves. That means you don’t give the kids anything their parents are not OK with them having. If someone is raising their kid vegetarian, you don’t give the kid meat. (Of course, anyone who is raising their kid vegetarian, kosher, or whatever and going to your wedding has an obligation to tell you that beforehand, so you can make appropriate arrangements).
My parents were of that generation. I retrained them.
My brother and SiL were also of that mindset – then their demon child, my Number One Nephew came along. They learned otherwise.
Wonderful that you did not behave like a picky, willful, and impossibly stubborn child. But your experience is not universal. And it is not (always) the fault of overly permissive parents who lack backbones of steel – which I suspect would be your next point.
There are kids bound and determined to control what little they can of their life – and what they eat is one of those few things. Sniff disdainfully all you want at parents who give in to the little tyke’s howling and shrieking, but they are the smart ones in so doing.
Not because they’re giving in, and teaching Junior to throw tantrums to get his way – that has to be finessed, too. But because if they don’t take into account the fact that Junior is an actual person who is entitled to have his own opinions and some control over his own life (provided it is a reasonable accomodation), that he’ll be facing long years of therapy and food issues otherwise in his future.
Nonetheless, the point here is: None of this is something to be worked out at someone else’s wedding.
Just sayin’. I don’t think we know if aruvqan’s folks used 'em or not, but there are ways. I like to hope I’ve struck a balance. I am not a short order cook. OTOH, neither do I expect my kids to like everything. I do expect them to try everything, and to try it every few times we have it in case their tastes or my cooking has changed. But if they don’t like it, they’re free to make themselves a peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat or go hungry. Their choice.
While I’m told there are children for whom hunger is not an effective appetite enhancer, all I’ve seen is parents who couldn’t bear to carry it out long enough to effect behavioral change.
I think the kids’ menu sounds fine; the only potential problem I see is that the older children may be insulted by the idea that they are to hang out with the little kids. The boys of that age that I know might be okay with this but the girls probably wouldn’t be as willing. From what I remember of my niece’s wedding about four years ago with several girls of that age in attendance, they want to attach themselves to the nearest cool teenager (that would have been my at-the-time 14 year old daughter) who’s willing to put up with them, admire the bride and bridesmaids in their beautiful gowns, and dance till they can’t dance another step.
So I think your idea that they have dinner in the same room is good, and maybe the little ones could be taken into the other room at the end of dinner, leaving a place for the older girls to congregate and feel like they’re part of the cool crowd.
This is particularly true if the older kids are in the wedding.
Eh, I don’t even know if that is relevant. While I too take a dim view on parents who cater to their picky child’s every whim, I’m also thinking that starving the tyke into submission isn’t a solution that should be considered.
With kids, you have to choose which battles to fight – that’s clear to me, and I don’t even have kids. In my nephew’s case, they decided that giving him a voice in what foods he could eat was the better option. But it was clear with him that the “my way, or the highway” technique was never going to work. Too stubborn by far.
And, frankly, he has good reasons for his pickyness, once you actually talk to him about them. He finds the tastes of most “grown up” foods to be overwhelming (“it tastes like too much!”, actually). The stuff he loves – chicken fingers, pasta, fries, etc. – is more suited to his palate.
No one ever starved to death from peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat. Got real, real bored, sure. Not starved.
That’s the part I hear, but I’ve never ever seen it. I’ve babysat/nannied probably close to 50 kids now; I have trouble believing I’ve had a string of luck that’s that good.
Humm - this is a good point. Unfortunatly there are no ‘cool teenagers’ in attendace. The guest list jumps right from 11 to about 24. I really don’t think I’m going to be able to convince the 24 year olds to hang out with three tweens, particularly since one of the 24 year olds is the groom!
I’m really not sure how to handle them, to be honest. I kind of thought if the three of them were together they might overlook the younger folks at the table…
I think you’re right about that. Let them mingle a bit after dinner, and they’ll find their own way, but most likely either the three of them will hang out together, or they’ll take some charge of the younger ones, depending a lot on the personalities you’re dealing with. At least it isn’t just one alone.
Ever had a kid who would throw up everything in his tummy immediately after tasting a food he really really didn’t want to try? 'Cause that’s my niece’s trick–and it’s no fun for the grown-ups, to say nothing of the fact that it’s a trick one really, really doesn’t want to encourage for fear it becomes self-reinforcing.
They’ll probably be more excited about dessert, anyways. (Are you have just the cake, or cookies and other things like that at your wedding, alice?)
As for those who mentioned hot dogs, that would be a bad idea-waaaay too messy with good clothing. Maybe add some apple slice, or something like that? Or green grapes? Kids usually like seedless grapes.
Yep, once. After she cleaned herself up, she sat there while the rest of us finished lunch and then went down for her nap. Ate dinner just fine. She never tried it again with me, although it still worked against her mother for years. But it was all about an emotional power struggle with them; I wouldn’t engage her on that level, so there was no point.
But yeah, not something I’d encourage at a wedding, either. Again, there’s tomorrow night to teach lessons. Tonight, there’s chicken fingers, which 99% of kids will eat just fine without histrionics.
While I wholly approve of having a separate table for children, I have to say I don’t like the change in menu for them. My daughter would have especially loved the prime rib and those vegetables should be great with kids. It makes me sad that children are so often given chicken fingers, mac and cheese, or hot dogs no matter what the adult menu has on it.
Personally, we went with nicely arranged plates of roast chicken and a simple vegetable side (I don’t remember what) for the kids. They had fresh fruit cups instead of the salmon and salad appetizer, but got the same desserts as the grownups. It’s not patronizing food, the way a big pan of chicken fingers is, and was significantly cheaper than the various options available to the adults.
In the case of my niece–who is not invited to Alice’s wedding–chicken fingers would be just fine, and the vomiting only happens occassionally–90% of the time she will sample foods with less fuss than her older sister, and I bet her degree of fuss could be diminished tremendously by removing the older sister from the discussion entirely. It’s just, if she really does start in with the histrionics, forcing her to try one bite can do more harm than good.
We are having carrot cake for the actual wedding cake, a gag-tastick fruit cake because my mom is insisting on making one and some people actually like that shit, chocolate cupcakes because that’s what Walter likes, and assorted sweets/squares/tarts because they’re yummy. We are very pro-dessert around these parts.
I agree that hot-dogs are a no-go. They’re friggin’ disgusting for one thing. Also, ketchup, mustard, relish are rather messy. We’re meeting with the caterer on the 20th - the baked chicken that GilaB suggested might be a good option. I assume that most people can understand why paying for a 16 ounce slab of prime rib for a 4 year old that might eat 3 bites of it doesn’t seem like the best use of funds. We might inquire if it’s possible to get a much smaller portion for children, but again, that seems risky because I know at least a couple of the children won’t eat a huge (or small) slab of meat.
lee, I’m terribly sorry about your daughter’s dissapointment. Fortunatly, she’s not invited to my wedding so it shouldn’t be a lasting scar.
As a parent of two, I like your idea of a kids’ table in a room apart from the main hall. The chicken finger kids’ menu should be fine, too. There will always be at least one parent who’s upset that their precious snowflake isn’t getting prime rib, too, but what can you do?
I would suggest that for your 10-11 year old guests be given the option of eating with the adults. I’m not sure how you should approach it, though. Perhaps you can call their parents and ask if they think Johnny would rather sit with the adults?
