I can’t believe I’m asking this on the dope, but you know what, I really need to know.
I’ve just begun having sex for the first time (27 year old virgin here) and I’m a bit worried. Despite lots of foreplay and rolling around in bed and all of that, I have yet to climax. It seems like work for me, and now it makes me wonder that maybe my penis is not as sensitive as it should be…I have masturbated throughout my life and am actually worried I caused nerve damage. Sometimes I don’t feel much around the head of my penis. I have not usually masturbated beyond 2 times a day. Morning and night.
I am sensitive all down the shaft and on the top of the head. The bottom of the head seems to have little sensation until I get right below it and it feels sensitive. I can pinch some of the bottom of the head with little sensation at all…is this normal? The rest seems fine. I am circumcised.
I am worried, did I fuck up my sexual life? Or am I just a rookie?..I felt very relaxed the last time.
rookie. Look at it this way, you know how to do it yourself, and now that the training wheels are off you have to learn how to reach that point with someone else. Practice makes perfect.
You haven’t caused nerve damage. It can be quite difficult to go from manual stimulation to vaginal - if you’ve spent the last ten-fifteen years under the fond impression that a world of mind-blowing sensation awaits you as soon as you get your dick in there, you can find the reality something of a let-down. But you should soon learn which bit of you to rub against which bit of her, and what rhythm and pressure, and to learn to relax and be mentally into it, and lose the anxiety, and…
In time, as with other skills, you will achieve “unconscious competence” - you will go from worrying about how to stay on the bicycle to practising roadcraft and enjoying the view.
I was a relatively late entrant into the accompanied horizontal mambo category myself, as opposed to a solo performance, and it took a while to learn to adjust to the difference. You’ll pick it up as you go along; practice lots (and why wouldn’t you? ;)) and you’ll soon start to reap the rewards. One thing that I found helps is to refrain from unaccompanied performances - a little frustration goes a long way in sharpening desire and improving results.
This may be completely unrelated to your situation, but read this column and search for the term Death Grip.
Mr. Savage has discussed this issue several times.
That may not have anything at all to do with what you’re experiencing, but it was my first thought.
I have the same problem, but I can still where white on my wedding day… Oral’s done nothing for me. So either the three women I dated suck at it… or I need to learn to like it. I look at the bright side, maybe I can last longer than the normal guy.
I always thought, for the most part, that women were the only ones that need to be touched ‘just right’.
Another vote for Rookie. I didn’t climax the first handful of times either but all systems were go after that. Are you wearing a condom? That could also make a difference. I’m not saying to stop wearing them but maybe you need to switch up brands/sizes. But even if you’re not, I wouldn’t sweat it just yet – you spent probably the better part of two decades telling your penis “This is the stimulus you react to” and now you’re throwing something new at it. You didn’t break it, it’s just new.
it can take weeks and months to get good at having good sex with a person, especially transitioning from solo. doing solo you develop a style and expectation of sensations.
fucking is different from getting sucked is different from a hand. each takes practice and learning to enjoy. you have your homework assignment.
Personally, I don’t find any sort of contact with my penis particularly stimulating other than oral. My climax is based wholly on my partner’s reaction during sex, not on the actual physical sensation of intercourse.
If you’re using condoms, you may want to try a different brand or size.
Also, try giving the self-flagellation a rest for a few days prior to sex. You may find, in that instance, that you’re ready to bust in thirty seconds.
Definitely rookie. I had this problem (or as I called it, “talent”) not only when I was first starting out, but also when we switched to the pill, then to condoms, then to the pill again. I didn’t think I’d ever get off with a condom on, but it worked out.
Try not to think of it as a problem right now. Knowing that the issue will resolve itself, enjoy it while it lasts. Right now, you can fuck as hard and long (heh) as you and she want. So she’s probably not thinking of you as “the guy who couldn’t get off”, she’s thinking of you as “the guy that can screw for hours”. “Multiple-orgasm Giver” is a good title to put on your resume.
This is what I’ve heard the boys say. Also - stop wanking
Some guys just don’t come that frequently through intercourse. I had a boyfriend who didn’t release maybe nine times out of ten. He had me making up for it though.
I’d say it’s rookie, or Death Grip. Also, fool around with condom types. If it’s too snug, don’t hesitate to upgrade to Magnums, and pony up for the ultra-thin ones, regardless of your size.
Congrats, and enjoy! Be sure to give us a full report when things start improving.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been (fairly promiscuously) sexually active for about 5 years. I can count the number of times I’ve gotten off from oral sex on one hand.
I don’t think you ‘broke’ anything, just have not had the opportunity to have sex, so other things have taken it’s function.
You may have linked certain fantasies to sexuality during masturbation, those links have to be broken, or at least acted out. Also you may have subconsciously linked sex/climax to a person, even a celebrity, which also has to be broken.
If you are spiritual I would suggest praying for God to sever any ties to past thoughts/fantasies of sexual partners and if needed practices in thought or acted out (such as bondage, enforced chastity, pain associated with the pleasure of sex, gender reversal fantasies, etc.), if you are not spiritual perhaps try to work out the issues in other ways.
Also I suggest being open with your partner about this, it is very likely you are together to heal, being open with her would give the greatest benefit.
