Well… I am sitting here with not ONE innocent thought about you.
et tu?
I never have innocent thoughts about women. Ever. I’m THAT bad of a womanizing slut. If what I was thinking about you right now were made public, I’d most likely get arrested for public display of lewd acts.
You know, I just thought if the women on this board knew what I was like before I got engaged (and now that I’m not anymore), all this talk about me being a sweet and nice guy that I’ve seen posted would get thrown out the window. 
Silly Rabbit, Frog’s are for kids!
You need a sailor.
I would defend my honor, but I have none, and that was funny.
Even with the typed-in-error apostrophe?
That just made it funnier.
[sub]Actually I hadn’t noticed till just now.[/sub]
I have been known to raise a mast or two in my day, and keep them raised.
Well, I tend to have a list of things I don’t look for:
[list]
[li]I don’t date family or friends or anyone in our little circle of friends.[/li]It raises the possibility of things getting ‘wierd’ and cuts way back on the gossip. And a fellah I know dated a girl and later found out she was a distant cousin - that was weird too. . .
[li]I don’t date anyone it would be illegal for me to date.[/li]I’m military, and I’m sorta limited by law.
[li]I don’t pick up drunk chicks, or chicks that carry that ‘aura’ of the lack of intelligence.[/li]* This is where I get my wiggle room. *
[li]And I refuse to do long-distance relationships.[/li]* It’s unfair to me and to her if we can’t see each other. Just way too much work for something you can’t guarantee will work. *
My 4 guiding lights. I look at it this way: Instead of finding girls who have to “be up to par”, I go the other way and eliminate the bad ones first. I’m an optimist. . .
Tripler
But that’s what I do
You also might want to include: over 18!
And, possibly, an upper age limit as well.
How about the factory specified number of teeth and limbs? Important to some people.
“Straight” is also a pretty good prerequisite… Or at least a willingness to experiment…
Rather than repeat myself I’ll just offer a link to MY perfect girl.
Though perhaps ** I ** should have specified same continent as well…
1988: **Nymysys** loses her virginity, Australia celebrates 200 years and marks the Bicentennial with a variety of events and activities – the highlight of which was Brisbane hosting the World Expo, Salman Rushdie publishes The Satanic Verses and has a death warrant put out on him, U.S. figure skater Brian Boitano won the gold medal at the Winter Olympics, Hockey star Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers was traded to the Los Angeles Kings not long after the Oilers won their 4th Stanley Cup in five years, Pan Am Flight 103 was downed over Lockerbee, Scotland by a terrorist bomb killing 270Those are NOT in order of importance. First and foremost is that she be funny, second that we share similiar interests. I want to be able to have a conversation with her and come out a little happier. When I say innocent, it basically means I don’t want some street call girl.
ditto here.
The SDMB seems to be the eldorado for “long distancers” In my case I am at least on the same continent as he is. That s good, right?
The problem with the Perfect Woman is she is looking for the Perfect Man, and I am FAR from qualifying.
Sorry all to f… hell.
You are excused.
You can’t help being salty, square, crunchy and cheezalicious.
is named Anniz.
First we have some minimum requirements.
a) female
b) same planet of residence
c) uh…Hi, Opal!
OK, now some fine tuning since we’re speaking of perfection here:
a) nibbleworthy
b) depraved
c) obsessed with something. multiple obsessions OK.
d) willful. (less euphemistically: stubborn)
e) unconventional expectations. (“none” = acceptable)
f) good roommate
g) hard up. salivating and eyeing guys carnivorously.
h) finds me personally to be cute and jumpworthy.
i) old enough I could’ve babysat while in high school
j) young enough to have babysat me when in high school
Interested applicants may engage in decorous introductory assaults at time & place of their own choosing.
I like my women like I like my coffee: Hot, wet, and all over my crotch.
[sub]Or something like that…[/sub]
The perfect woman? Three words:
Jamie Lee I-need-this-chick Curtis… okay, so it’s more
like seven words… sheesh.
That woman is hot hot HOT! But I think she deals with men only, so I have to just dream…(sigh)
Lets see…perfect… Pretty, Ht/Wt proportionate (No Barbie dolls, but something resembling a figure is nice)… Smart, witty, and I like something of an exotic/unusual look. If she’s the same size as me and willing to trade clothes, even better! Especially shoes!! Well groomed, nice hair, pretty hands, loves sex, shaved is a plus… Oh, did I mention she has to be Bi?
(Running out of the room giggling like a lunatic)
P.S. (Don’t tell anyone) hehehehehehe
Thanks Montfort, I love you.