Please... give me wedding advice!

In My Humble Opinion
21

When my aunt and uncle got married, their favors with matchbooks with their names and wedding date stamped on them. They way over-ordered, and nearly ten years later, we still have matchbooks from their wedding in the house. But still, it was a useful favor, and more popular than little sachets of Hershey’s Kisses and glitter, which is what you usually see around here.

Rubystreak, don’t stress too much about including the registry info in the invitation. If you want to do it, then do. It just needs to be a little card or slip of a paper that says, “The bride and groom/Ruby and Mike are registered at Store. http://www.store.website,” name choice depending on how casual your invitations are.

For the look of the invitations themselves, script and italic are generally more formal than plainer fonts. Paper in white and ivory and pastels are more formal than stronger colors. If you go somewhere to have the invitations printed, the store should have sample books for you to look through and will be able to guide you.

22

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on any of this, since I’m not even engaged, let alone married, and I haven’t planned a wedding. But you might want to check out Indie Bride (especially the message boards, called Kvetch on the site). It’s full of people who are trying to avoid the Wedding Industrial Complex while still having fun and meaningful events.

23

If this were me, I would get one port-a-potty JUST IN CASE. If this is the day your plumbing goes south for reasons totally unrelated to the wedding, it would be good to have a Plan B in place. Waiting in line might be more of an issue than the actual capacity of your system. I’m guessing as the night goes on, more of the guys will use the port-a-potty to save time, which in turn saves time for the people who prefer to use the bathroom(s) in the house.

It’s been years since I lived in a house with a septic tank, but I seem to remember some potential issue with flushing toilets concurrently … hopefully systems these days are better, but you might want to check with the guy who does your tank pumping.

Go with registration cards. It’s not really tacky, and in most circles, it isn’t tacky at all anymore. I know what you mean about not wanting to do it if it’s that tacky, but given how you described your female relative situation, it doesn’t seem like you have a better, realistic alternative for getting that information out. And people do want the information.

Eh, chocolate could melt, or you could keep them inside and bring them out more toward the evening. Of course, then someone has to remember to bring it out. There are other kinds of candy where melting is less of an issue – coated candy like M&Ms (you know, everyone likes M&Ms), SweetTart-type candies – you can order personalized ones, they’re larger and can have names printed on them, they look like those conversation hearts except they taste good, fancy suckers with your names on them, or cinnamon candy or fireballs (you guys seem to be into fire :slight_smile: ). If you go to a nice local candy place (instead of ordering on the internet), the actual candy guy will give you recommendations for what will be least risky in terms of melting.

24

I have no idea where you live, but there are firespinners pretty much all over the US. Great entertainment for cheap. These are some of my peeps from Bloomington, IN.

25

If you want a really simple idea for a wedding site, just buy the cheapest Typepad blog for very cheap and put up as many links, instructions, and photographs as you want. I’m not really computer/programming savvy at all and I use it for blogging. I’d only recommend Typepad over Blogspot because they have really nice templates on Typepad (which they also have on Vox but I decided not to go with Vox because I don’t know how to turn off the adverts)

26

You do not need “lots and lots” of port-a-potties for 150 people. However, you should probably spring for two (or, at least, one). Having them visible (at the far side of the yard) makes it a lot easier for your guests (who do not know you if they are only there as friends-of-the-parents) to figure out how to avoid the embarrassment of asking other people they do not know where your bathroom might be located in the house. (It also reduces the number of people wandering through your house bumping into odd closets.)
My in-laws have hosted several large family events through the years and a visible, outside toilet has generally been considered a GOOD THING.

You do not need to do the wedding march or a number of other bits. (However, having some sort of catchy music to let milling people know, if they are interested, that the service is about to begin, might be appropriate. I recommend Copeland’s Fanfare for the Common Man–use the Emerson, Lake, and Palmer version if you need to avoid the symphonic sound.)
I do, however, suggest you reconsider the dancing issue. A lot of people only come to the wedding FOR the dancing. This does not mean you have to engage a DJ who will make schmaltzy remarks while you dance to “your” song and then trade off partners with all the various parental units. It simply means that there should be a section of lawn that is sufficiently mowed and delineated as “dance area” so that when you crank up Zep, those who are inclined can go bop around on that turf without smashing into drink-wielding persons who did not realize that they were about to be assaulted by people flailing their arms in orgiastic teen mating rituals, (particularly when such orgiasts are long past their teens).

27

I come from the Spanish school of etiquette and I’m always surprised by the complications you “anglos” go through…

Invitation: a piece of pwetty cardboard, usually saying something like
Dad Ruby and Mom Ruby and Dad Mike and Mom Mike
invite you to the wedding of their children
Ruby and Mike

which will take place on Place on Date.
Festivities will start at Time.
Please respond by phone to Phone or email to Email!
Children welcome. Casual dress.
People ask for gift/bank account info when they respond.

28

Sorry, hon, don’t give a shit about the wedding stuff, so I’m not going to read any of this – but did want to say
Best wishes to Ruby and Mike for a long and happy life together!

29

First of all, congratulations (and my sincerest sympathies to the too many cats who will now have competition). I think you are going the right way with the whole thing. Don’t sweat the details too too much.

One thing I will suggest is having a friend become a notary. You have plenty of time from here to July. We did that for our wedding. A cousin of Ms Sapo did the training online, paid something like $50 and 4-6 weeks later, a notary stamp was on her mailbox. It is so much cooler being married by someone you know.

The catered bbq idea is just gold. Look into it. If that doesn’t go, consider a caterer for mountains of finger food and no sit down meal. Maybe soup at midnight (or high quality sausage on a roll) if it will go on that long. More than food or booze, people remember the lack of it. Whatever it is, make sure there is more than plenty of it.

Make sure all guests get a phone call from either of you or some relative. That’s where you stress the fact that they need to bring good dry shoes and they get to ask where you are registered. Don’t leave that to the card.

As for music, the iPod idea sounds great. Remember that sound gets lost quickly outdoor. Get a really good sound system and don’t put it in the tent. You want people to be able to talk, after all.

Get disposable cameras on all tables. Don’t waste money on a professional photographer. You can play dress up and have nice pics of the two of you taken later on if no good ones come out of that.

Oh, and small tables (6 people or so). That makes sure nobody gets ugly company and forces everyone to get up and mingle.

And I don’t care if you live in the Sahara, plan for rain.

30

This is how we had our reception. I just told everyone to come casual. You can make reference to a “picnic atmosphere” or whatever that will make it clear that it’s playclothes; not tuxes. Tell them you will have frisbees or what have you. We didn’t have anyone stay over, but make it clear that people can crash there (and not on the road!). Offer up local hotels or let them know that they can feel free to pass out on the lawn (in the tent?). Congrats! Our celebration was a perfect reflection of us. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

With regard to people’s questions or remarks about how you’re not doing it right, just say “This is the wedding we’ve always dreamed of.” That ought to quiet them down.

31

If you’re really wanting to do things “all proper-like,” check out this site.
www.etiquettehell.com.
They have tons of stories of what not to do and i think they have forums or a message board or something for all your questions.

Good luck on you wedding and congratulations!!

32

I would offer different advice. In my experience, “This is a great chance to throw a really good party for a whole bunch of friends” works better than “This is my day” as the organizing principle for a wedding.

33

Well, I didn’t mean it in the context of, “Make your guests wear SCUBA gear if you want: it’s your day!” What I meant was that family sometimes steps in and makes it the wedding of* their* dreams, not of the bride and groom’s. If my mother-in-law had had her way, I would have been married by a priest in an expensive wedding gown surrounded by hundreds of guests I didn’t even know. And I would have hated it. As her plans swelled and swelled, my husband finally called her and said, firmly but gently, “Mom, we’re getting married at the court house next Friday. We’d love to have you there. We appreciate all the effort and thought you put into planning all of this, but it’s not what we want.”

What it sounds like Ruby wants is a fun, casual day but her family is putting on pressure to formalize it by having caterers and whatnot. My stance on this is that if the girl wants a barbecue then, by God, that’s what she should get. What she’s wanting will be more enjoyable by all, regardless of whether some nit-picker feels it’s tacky.

34

I really like this wording. Not only does it tell people how to dress, but it gives them a clear indication of what the event will offer.

I disagree on the “no photographer” idea, depending on your desires of course. If you actually want the event captured for posterity, have someone designated to take pictures. He doesn’t necessarily have to be a pro, but he should take the job seriously. Leaving it in the hands of your guests is just rolling the dice, maybe you get some good shots, maybe you crap out and get a bunch of fuzzy cleavage shots.

For the open bar, you may want to hire a bartender. It’s not an outrageous expense, but it provides a really nice service for your guests. The bartender can set up the area with the booze you provide, make sure the beer is cold, that you have enough ice, and keep the area neat for the time he’s there. It beats having the bar area look like a train wreck 2 hours into the party, forcing your dad to spend 20 minutes cleaning up. Depending on the scope of the party, it might also be a good idea to hire someone to just help set up/break down and keep things in order during the party.

35

I am going to call a barbecue place and see what their food options are. I’m going to have to explain to my dad that I think it’s more appropriate and the food will be better if it’s cooked on premises, which the bbq would allow. We can also have cold salads, maybe one dish of pasta?

We will have several friends, some of whom have degrees in photography, to take pictures. We’re also going to do to the disposable camera thing.

We are definitely doing this. The caterer may have someone who does it. Do we provide the liquor or do they? If we hire a caterer who doesn’t have a bartender, who does this sort of thing?

36

Liquor laws vary. Your caterer should be able to clue you in to local requirements.

Rent the Porta-potties. I would figure at least a 40 to 1 ratio of guests to total available potties (porta and otherwise) --and you may have some lines even then. There are some nice multi-stall versions with sinks and everything available now. I’ve rented them for big society gala events and they are not horrendously out of place.

If it is important to differentiate your dad as the sole host of the event, you can take that bit from a formal invitation and still keep it pretty informal.
Please join Ruby’s Dad for the wedding of Ruby and Mike, son of Mike’s Dad and Mom. Then what delphica said.

Barbecue is a great idea. Be sure there is plenty of just plain water available, preferably self-serve. Summertime events in tents can be dehydrating. The rental place where you get your tent and chairs can probably rent you a few of those big yellow thermos things that you can put on tables fill with hose water and bag ice the night before the wedding.

Tabby

Tabby

37

When we got married, included with our invitation was a memo suggesting style of dress (warm costumes), food to be served (casual appetizer buffet), local hotels w/phone numbers, and directions. That way we got the invitations we wanted and still included all the relevant info.

38

I think people will be disappointed if the ceremony is only 5 minutes long and has no “ceremony” to it, if you know what I mean. (“ceremony”==“wedding-stravaganza bullshit”). You have two choices, as I see it. One choice is to have a dollop of ceremony. Play some music and walk down an aisle. Get someone to read something about love or marriage. Let the JOP recite a short homily on the importance of marriage. Do a candle ceremony. Say the vows. Walk back down the aisle.

Or, you can skip all of that, have your five minute ceremony in the garden before your guests arrive, and just invite the guests for the reception.

Many people do enjoy the very things which you claim to hate. Other people find them boring, repetitive, and cliched.

I don’t think you need to include all of those things which have become tradition, but I think you should consider having some of the things which people have come to expect, or consider not making the wedding ceremony part of the big celebration to which you are inviting multitudes.

It can be done. My favorite wedding to which I was not invited had 11 people at it–including a minister and a pianist. The reception that afternoon had 60 people invited. Two weeks later, there was an open house to which 60 more people were invited–this was to give them (us) a chance to celebrate with the bride and groom without forcing the bride and groom to endure a reception with large numbers of people at it.

This route may not be the route for you, but I do think it’s worth considering separating the wedding ceremony from the reception.

39

It’s a large gathering–you may need to get an event permit friom your local municipality, as well as an event liquor licence. Unless you are really rural. The event permit is mostly to let them check your arrangements for parking, crowds, and noise control.

And make sure you have the okay for parking on the side of the road… people park along the shoulder of Highway 7 east of Peterborough to go to the seemingly-eternal series of yard sales along that highway, and it can get quite dangerous: kids trying to get into cars while traffic whips by at 90+ km/h barely an arm’s-length away.

And do rent the porta-potties.

40

I hate to say this, but I’m starting to want to elope again. Renting port-a-potties? Arguing with my dad about barbecue? Having the chicken dance even though the thought makes me break out in hives? A JOP who hardly knows me making a speech about love? Worrying about my guests getting smashed on the highway? I don’t want it. I kind of wish we had just eloped. This is not fun for me. It’s stressing me out. Why does it have to be like this?