Please join me in welcoming our newest Straight Dope Message Board moderator, **Spice Weasel. ** Subject to review of staff needs, Ms. Weasel has been provisionally assigned to MPSIMS, IMHO, Game Room and Thread Games. Please do not give her immediate reason to regret she signed up for this.
Congrats, Spice Weasel! I’m drafting your Pit thread already!
Why should we treat her any different than the rest? 
I just wanted to say, good luck, we’re all counting on you.
I apologize in advance.
Given what she’s told us of her personal life I suspect her custom lady jackboots are especially fetching. 
Seriously, congrats. As we used to say to newbies in the labor union biz: “Thanks a bunch for sticking your hand in the blender.”
Great choice.
Welcome!
Finally comes the notch up-kicking.
:: throws confetti ::
Congrats!
Brilliant. A million congrats, Spice!
Too little, too late.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Once again, L’il Ed has chosen wisely. His magic sceptre has alighted upon shoulders that can easily bear this enormous burdon.
Welcome, welcome, with delight.
And goats.
When you filled out the simple 31-page application form, you did this when asked if you could bring goats:
[ √ ]
Please allow me to extend condolences and commiserations, Spice Weasel; I don’t know what you might have done to deserve this fate.
Well, well, Spice Weasel, it seems like only yesterday we were all frolicking in the Pit, not a care in the world, and now here you are, all grown up!
Wait – it actually was yesterday! But seriously, congrats! I’ll try not to cause you any more trouble than absolutely necessary.
I brought it on myself.
Thanks, everyone. I’m excited to be here, which is lame, I know. But still. I love you guys.
I respect Spice Weasel far too much for that, and vow to cultivate her regret slowly and painstakingly, for as long as it takes.
Wait until you start going through the secret dossiers. You’ll change your tune right quick.
I am so sorry Spice Weasel. You seemed so normal too.
They throw around words like “dossier” and “unindicted” and “extra-terrestrial” and most notably “hilariously bannable”.
These words mean nothing.
No!
Rookie, what did we tell you? Never give up! Never surrender!