I am wondering (yet again) if other guys have shared my sentiments or if I’m odd man out on this.
I’ve always loved babies and children, enjoyed their company. I think I’d be good as a parent.
The prospect of possibly losing custody, under any of several conceivable circumstances, would absolutely terrify me if the opportunity were to otherwise present itself.
And if I were going to do the parent thing, I would not want the distraction of worrying about earning money. In one manner or another, I’d want that to be turned into a nonissue.
Here’s your questions (wait for 'em please):
!! STUPID POLL !! I did say I wanted multiple poll questions, didn’t I? did I misconstrue something? OK here are the remaining questions:
Would lack of opportunity to be primary or sole caregiver to the child be a dealbreaker for you as far as being a Dad? (yes / no / other-explain)
Have you ever explicitly considered being sole parent to a child as a preventative against anyone else ending up with more powerful custody claims were a co-parenting arrangement to go wrong? (yes / no / other-explain)
Leaving the rather scrambled questions from the OP out, I can just say that I’ve never wanted kids. Even though I’ve always allowed for the possibility that my feeling would change someday, they haven’t yet, nor do I think there is the remotest actual possibility that they will.
What? I’m not sure I follow the questions in the OP, so I’ll just ramble on about what I think he means. I don’t really care for other people’s babies; they’re loud and they smell funny. My own children: I would fight tooth and nail before I gave up custody. I would not quit my job to take care of them full time though, and neither has my wife. We can’t afford it.
I answered “No”, but I’m not quite sure that I understand the question. I am a father to four children, all now grown-up, and I was very happy to be a father. However, I really would not have wanted to do it as the sole care-giver: it would not have been so much fun without another (my wife) to share the work. So that’s why I said “no”.
Parenting is a team sport. While many people do go it alone, I don’t think it is intended to be so.
I have a child from my first baby-mama. We have joint custody. We don’t always agree on parenting issues, but I do believe that she does love our son, and has a role in parenting him. If she had ever tried to get sole custody, we would have had a major legal battle on our hands.
My current baby-mama and I have one kid and another on the way. I make more money than either of my baby-mama’s, so it is in the best interest of everybody for me to work. Granted I don’t get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like, but that’s what vacations are for.
If you wait until you’re in a position to fully protect your status as Dad, or until you think you have enough money to afford to have kids…you’ll never have kids.
Yes. I have a lesbian friend & friend-in-law who, a year or two ago, were making a list of possible sperm donors so one of them could get pregnant. I said no almost as soon as I was asked, and without troubling to ask the missus, because I would not wish to have a child I was not involved with raising on a daily basis.
Stay at home dad here. Before I became a father, I was terrified anyone might even suggest I be the primary caregiver. Now I feel it’s the best decision I ever made. I wish that someone could have told me that being a stay at home dad is not the same experience as stereotypica SAHMs, only you’re a guy. It would have been reassuring.
I love being a dad, and never thought I would. I went to the zoo with my son on Saturday and had the best time. I love the way my daughter runs to me when I get home from work.
But my wife stays home with them during the day, and I don’t know if I could do it as well as she does.
Wait, so are you saying that you would refuse to entertain the idea of having a child unless there were an understanding that you would get sole custody of the kid were anything to go wrong? I’m not a dude, but I’m interested to see what the responses are.
And for what it’s worth, I agree with the earlier statement that parenting really is a joint effort, whoever has custody (assuming that neither parent is a threat to the child, of course).
One of my worst nightmares is finding a foundling on my doorstep. I’m sure I could just call 911 and get the cops to find the parents of the kid, but if legal responsibility fell on me to parent it, I’d lose my shit.
Maybe I’d do better than I’d imagine, but I’d rather not be tested in that way.
From fear of the opposite happening, I have, at times in my life, felt that way about it, yes.
It’s a mostly moot question at this point, as I’m a middle-aged guy and still have nowhere near the kind of economic security that would let me make earning money a marginal activity and focus on being a single parent. Nor, for that matter, am I involved with anyone who wants to get reproductive about it, and I’m not set up to do parthenogenesis.
I’d prefer not to be the sole caregiver to the Firebug, but primary, as in being the stay-at-home parent? Sure, if the wife were agreeable to the lost income, and if I could send him off to day care 2-3 days a week to get some things accomplished around the house.
I’ve always thought I’d make a better househusband than my wife would be as a housewife. And I think she’s probably more responsible at work, too.
I took sole custody of my son when he was two years old because his mother was a slack-ass who refused to get a job or pay more than minimal attention to her son. Despite being home all day, she demanded that we put him in child care so she wouldn’t have to deal with him throughout the day while I was at work. Also, I had to pick him up and drop him off because she refused to do so.
Thankfully, that relationship ended and I went to court for primary custody. A few years earlier I obviously wouldn’t have said “I hope some day I can be a single parent!” but I don’t regret for a second taking on the responsibility. He’s 11 now and I married someone a couple years ago but those intermediate six or so years of single-parenthood were some special times.
